Aspie dating success stories

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MaxE
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28 Oct 2024, 5:46 am

@Rhapsody — you say you had a lot of fun on that shoe shopping date, but did you feel any romantic or physical attraction to that guy?


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Double Retired
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28 Oct 2024, 11:27 am

Rhapsody wrote:
Oh! I didn't realize we could reference a single date that went well that ended with us getting ghosted as a success story. I actually have one to share! I love all the happy stories~

So I tried using dating apps last fall/winter and I matched with this guy. I initiated a conversation with him and during the course of the conversation he tells me that he's also autistic and his special interest is men's fashion, particularly shoes. So I immediately asked him out on a date to the mall. Anyway, we meet up, and we spent over three hours going from store to store, mostly shoe stores, and he info-dumped about all the various trends and stuff. It was right before Christmas, too, so he gave me lots of great ideas of what I could get my father and brother. I had so much fun but afterwards I never heard from him again.

I don't know what I did wrong, but it was still my favorite first date that I've ever had and I measure all others by it.
I don't know how long ago that was but...speaking as an Aspie guy...it might not hurt to say "Hi!" to him.

Sometimes, to some of us guys, some of you gals are kind of scary and intimidating and we need a little help. :oops:


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28 Oct 2024, 1:58 pm

MaxE wrote:
@Rhapsody — you say you had a lot of fun on that shoe shopping date, but did you feel any romantic or physical attraction to that guy?

I don't feel physical attraction like a normal person. I also didn't have enough time to really know whether or not I felt romantic attraction (I'm alexithymic and a very slow processor) since I'd only talked with him online sporadically for a few days before I asked him out, and then we spent three hours in person. This was just a first date. I have no way of knowing whether more time spent with him would have resulted in anything more, because he never replied to the messages I sent after the date.

Double Retired wrote:
I don't know how long ago that was but...speaking as an Aspie guy...it might not hurt to say "Hi!" to him.

Sometimes, to some of us guys, some of you gals are kind of scary and intimidating and we need a little help. :oops:

It's been nearly a year, and I have no way of contacting him since I have long since lost his contact info, but I figured if he didn't respond to my messages after the date he just wasn't interested. It's entirely possible I scared him or said the wrong thing. I barely knew the guy, and we only went on the one date, but it was still my favorite. Sometimes a fun date with a cute guy can just be a happy memory that never becomes anything else.



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28 Oct 2024, 2:46 pm

Well...happy memories are better than unhappy memories.


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WantToHaveALife
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28 Oct 2024, 5:30 pm

Canadian Freedom Lover wrote:
Gentleman Argentum wrote:
Canadian Freedom Lover wrote:
Did you end up going on multiple dates afterwards?


Sorry that I was late replying, but I saw your note while on vacation. I did not remember my password and could not log in on my phone. Now I am back.

I did not want to elaborate further in my first post, because you said you were tired of hearing negative stuff, and only wanted to hear about Aspie dating success stories.

My first date was a success. Of course, every story ends, because we are mortal, and eventually we die, or something happens before we die, and the story ends in a not-so-positive way. So, brevity is the best way to stay positive in a story about a mortal life. But you have asked for elaboration, so I will continue.

What happened immediately after was that I felt like she ghosted me. She would not reply to my email afterward, and my doubts started to increase. Then I texted her, and she did not respond to my text. Two days passed. Perhaps I should have waited longer? I was not sure how to interpret her unresponsiveness. This is the problem with Asperger's, we are in the dark sometimes, and do not know how to interpret the behavior of others, we have only our own experiences to guide us and rules of behavior we have learned.

I texted her something flippant and abrupt, maybe a little cutting? She then called me right away, within 5 minutes. She was cold and business-like, judgemental, and began finding faults with me and belittling me. She analyzed of our previous interactions and pointed out all the ways in which I was not the suave and perceptive man that she expected. She then said that she was going to sleep on it, then call me the next morning with her decision.

She called the next morning and ended the relationship, before it had any time to progress further. So, we only had the one time together in the park, and that was the end of everything. I deleted her number from my phone and never heard from her again.

It is a common experience in my life, relationships are short-circuited before I am permitted any time to learn anything much at all. People like to find one thing or another wrong with the person they are with. They decide that they can do better if they just keep searching and never settle for an imperfect human. They enjoy the thrill of meeting new people and think that is exciting. It is their choice, life is a series of choices.

I do not think she was entirely free from blemish either, I think that she was not a kind or understanding person. That is why she was single, and why she nursed a big glass of wine in her hand, when we were on video chat together. She drank a lot and that is why she had a bad knee, and had the knee surgery, because sitting around drinking all the time is not good for the body, especially when you get to be our age. She may have had a lot of money, that will not compensate for a bad lifestyle. I did not tell her these things, but they occurred to me later. When someone judges you, then feel free to judge them back.

Human relationships are for others. For me, I take comfort in my furry friends, who are not judgemental or manipulative and only require kindness and thoughtfulness. I also find solace in God and the knowledge that this life is not forever, but will end at a point of time, and all of the trials will be over.

It is still pleasant for me to think back to that one date that we had together, when I had the illusion that this was love, and that my life had changed, and that I had a girlfriend. It was a day spent in Paradise, and that is something that she cannot take away. I can go back to that day anytime that I want.


I'm sorry to hear the relationship didn't go any further than the first date. Ghosting is incredibly hurtful and I don't know why people can't be more mature and end the relationship with words like an adult. Anyway, don't take it too hard.


a reminder on how i refuse to call my last partner an ex-GF, b/c in terms of physical affection, we did nothing below the pants, it never went further beyond kissing/cuddling/making out.



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Today, 5:26 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:
a reminder on how i refuse to call my last partner an ex-GF, b/c in terms of physical affection, we did nothing below the pants, it never went further beyond kissing/cuddling/making out.


I reckon that is a good litmus test for whether someone is a GF (or BF).


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WantToHaveALife
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Today, 6:22 pm

Gentleman Argentum wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
a reminder on how i refuse to call my last partner an ex-GF, b/c in terms of physical affection, we did nothing below the pants, it never went further beyond kissing/cuddling/making out.


I reckon that is a good litmus test for whether someone is a GF (or BF).


what are you saying? are you saying that she should still count as being an ex-girlfriend?