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carlos55
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24 Sep 2024, 11:56 am

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c2lnd5wj9z5o

Quote:
. 'I left my son at school so he'd be taken into care'
Rita Orr - a woman with shoulder-length brown hair
Image caption,
Rita Orr said she pleaded for two years to get extra support for her son, Callum
Tara Mills
Reporter, BBC Spotlight
Published
24 September 2024, 00:00 BST
The mother of a teenager with severe learning difficulties says she was so desperate for help from social services that she felt she had “no option” but to drop him at school and not return to pick him up again.
Rita Orr says 15-year-old Callum, who also has autism, often had physical outbursts in which he would injure himself.
She told the BBC she spent two years pleading with the local health trust for more support, but when it didn’t come, she left Callum at school and contacted a social worker so he would be taken into emergency care.
The trust which is responsible for Callum’s care says it cannot comment on the case.
BBC Northern Ireland's Spotlight has spoken to mothers who are struggling to cope with sons whose complex needs can lead to aggressive outbursts – often leaving themselves and other family members injured.
I Am Not Okay
Attribution
iPlayer
The NHS used to supply respite care that would give those families a break of one or two nights per month.
But that care has been evaporating in Northern Ireland due to a number of factors – including the loss of facilities and an increasing number of children who have gone into full-time care.
Forty-four children with a range of disabilities have gone into care in Northern Ireland over the past four years.
Many of these cases were unplanned emergency placements.
Callum when he was a younger boy, he is smiling and wearing a blue polo shirt. He has brown short hair.
IMAGE SOURCE, RITA ORR
Image caption,
Callum, who is now 15, often had physical outbursts in which he would injure himself
'He put his head through the window'
Ms Orr says she lived with years of "dangerous behaviour" before making the decision to place him in emergency care earlier this year.
“It goes against everything I thought I would be as a mum,” adding she “yearned” for her little boy again.
“He put his head through our living room window and through another window in the house," she told BBC News NI.
On a trip to Crawfordsburn, Ms Orr said he hit his head on the back window of the car, shattering the glass and cutting his face and head.
“I’d never seen the likes of it before," she said.
"We pleaded and pleaded for help, and we were told there was nothing.”
"But that's the level of danger he was putting himself under."
Callum is now cared for by the South Eastern Health Trust.
Spotlight has learned there are currently no residential places for disabled children in two of Northern Ireland's health trusts.
Families are instead being asked to consider sending their children to residential facilities in other parts of the UK or the Republic of Ireland, at a cost of up to £20,000 a week of public money.
When distressed, some children with severe learning difficulties can injure themselves, their parents, or other family members during physical outbursts that they are unable to control.
In the past, families in these circumstances have been offered overnight respite at health trust facilities across Northern Ireland.
It allowed the children to be cared for in a safe and secure environment, while allowing their families a break from caring responsibilities.
However, many of those facilities are no longer available for respite as they are being used to house children who’ve gone into full-time care.
Julie Tipping, a woman with long blonde hair
Image caption,
Julie Tipping has been unable to secure overnight respite for her son, Theo
Julie Tipping told BBC News NI she had been fighting to get more help and support for her 11-year-old son, Theo.
"I love him with all my heart but it’s so hard to watch,” she said.
“He’s quite a big boy, but when he’s really distressed like that and lashing out, it’s sore.
“He can really hurt you, not meaning to, of course, and there is a real fear about where this is going.”
Responsibility for Theo's care falls to the Belfast Health Trust.
In a statement, a spokesperson says it is very sorry that it is unable to offer overnight breaks, but that the trust is currently exploring ways of reintroducing them.
It added that it does all it can to provide support for autistic children.
A young boy with blonde hair is laughing and looking into the camera. He is wearing a neon t-shirt with cartoon characters printed on the front. Beside him is a light brown dog lying on the back of a grey sofa.
IMAGE SOURCE, JULIE TIPPING
Image caption,
Julie's son Theo currently has no access to overnight respite services
Another mum told BBC News NI she had suffered cuts, bruising and had hair pulled out as a result of her 12-year-old son’s outbursts.
“I adore Danny so much," said Claire Miller.
"I feel absolutely terrible even discussing the injuries and the behaviour we have to live with, but you feel like you’ve been shouting and screaming for help and nobody’s listening."
Claire Miller - a woman with a mid-brown bob cut
Image caption,
Claire Miller's son Danny has been unable to access overnight care packages
Ms Miller's son receives some after-school support from the South Eastern Health Trust, which said it could not offer respite because beds were being used by children who need long-term placement.
In a statement the trust said it understood the pressure placed on families, adding that it hoped future funding might provide for respite.
Claire from the mouth down - there are visible red injuries to her upper chest, neck and right cheek
Image caption,
Claire has documented some of the injuries she has sustained
Some families in Northern Ireland have mounted legal action in a bid to secure additional overnight care for their children.
Solicitor Eamonn McNally said even those which were successful were failing to provide meaningful change.
“It’s very disappointing for us at the Children's Law Centre because we bring the case with the idea that it'll improve the system for all children," he said.
“But the answer has just been, 'ok, you've got your declaration; we admit that we are wrong', but no service has been produced on the back of these."
“There are so many children now needing a residential placement, so many families that we go to meetings with, that have been offered the out of jurisdiction [option].
Mr McNally said the cost of providing that care somewhere else would be "colossal".
Four women. Far left has blonde hair and is wearing a green sweater and blue jeans, next to her has shot brown hair and is wearing a sky blue cardigan and blue jeans, next to her has brown hair pulled back into a pony tail, a blue dress and darker blue jacket and next to her has brown hair in a top knot, a maroon hoody and dark blue leggings
Image caption,
Four mothers who spoke to BBC Spotlight say they are struggling to get the support they need to care for their sons
Shirelle Stewart, NI Director of the National Autistic Society, said she was worried about the consequences of parents managing difficult behaviour at home alone.
“I think it feels really, really dangerous because you can't, on the one hand, assess somebody as needing that level of support and then not provide it," she said.
“So, it is a danger. It’s a danger that’s being managed in the community.”
In a statement to Spotlight, Health Minister Mike Nesbitt said the current situation was “unsustainable”, adding he was determined to see “urgent improvements”.
But his department added that the number of children needing disability care is growing.


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Kitty4670
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24 Sep 2024, 1:20 pm

there should be support for Autism people, I feel bad for the children.



carlos55
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24 Sep 2024, 1:55 pm

Kitty4670 wrote:
there should be support for Autism people, I feel bad for the children.


Agree its terrible that this happens for both parents and the child, i doubt the boy will ever go back even as an adult.

Thing is this is exactly what happens in the UK with autistic people ending up in lockup facilities for decades

Something happens with the teen / adult maybe an aggressive meltdown, police are called and they end up locked up for years.

They like to sugar coat on the thin surface but there is a dark underbelly that few talk open about or are willing to deal with. Politicians say something must be done , we get these news articles saying as such but they do nothing the issue is kicked into the long grass as the saying goes.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-62477095


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JamesW
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26 Sep 2024, 1:54 am

This parent did not put her child into care. She abandoned her child so that it would be taken into care. She had no other way of getting the authorities to provide the help her child needed.

What the article is really about is that the UK NHS has been systematically run into the ground by successive right-wing governments, so that it is no longer able to provide the necessary level of support to anyone with advanced needs, not just autistic people.



carlos55
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26 Sep 2024, 7:56 am

JamesW wrote:
This parent did not put her child into care. She abandoned her child so that it would be taken into care. She had no other way of getting the authorities to provide the help her child needed.

What the article is really about is that the UK NHS has been systematically run into the ground by successive right-wing governments, so that it is no longer able to provide the necessary level of support to anyone with advanced needs, not just autistic people.


The whole care system is falling apart as well and a big scam.

They can setup a whole care home infrastructure for elderly people with dementia as it’s easy.

Elderly people with dementia have short lifespans by the time they go into care certainly under 4 years.

In many cases they take the cost of the care out of the estate of the elderly person.

This is why care home fees are astronomical just enough to drain the price value of the average home, over the lifespan of the person.

But for young disabled people there is nothing to steal there is no way for the gov to make the money back. Lifespans are likely to be decades even if average lifespan of severe autism is 36.

Adulthood starts at 18, a nuclear option for any parent could be to legally disown their child if they are suddenly expected to pay.

Autism diagnosis at 8 years old is going up, the % of those with profound autism or ID remains a stable % of all autism.

So that means numbers of profound autism ID will go up too leaving greater demand for residential care facilities in the future as parents age out

I’m not sure where the money will come from to pay for all that.


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01 Oct 2024, 12:12 am

Had psychical outbursts, families members getting injured, i don't fault the mother one bit.

It's sad she had to abandoned him just so he'd go into care. In the US she would have been arrested for it and get a slap in the wrist more likely.

The child made the home unsafe for his family and it was like a domestic abuse situation. He'll I would have done the sanectoo as a way to protect myself from any harm. Gotta play the system.


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autisticelders
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02 Oct 2024, 6:23 am

thank you for this post


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02 Oct 2024, 7:49 am

I'm dealing with much the same regarding my 85-year old autistic mother in cognitive decline.
There's no help and I don't know what to do except hospital for her physical ailments.
She's not even safe there.

It's horrible we have no government support at any age.


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Ursula
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23 Oct 2024, 3:16 pm

My Asperger daughter is ok, but my younger son has ADHD and I refuse to prescription drug my children, so I understand this very well. There are days I want to chain him to his bed, and I feed him reli-calm with magnesium, l-theanine and pray he will just stop.
I really fear as a teen he may one day go to far and be arrested, I had police over once who were shocked by him, so sent social worker over. I was defeated, I fell to pieces, but luckily she understood and it was a relief to find out her child had this. The state leaves so much blame and shame on families, whether it's pesticides like round up causing this it is ruining our family.



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23 Oct 2024, 3:34 pm

I don't understand the over reliance on government to do any caretaking work unless all parties are really incapable like being also disabled themselves or at deep end of poverty that they cannot feed themselves.

Parents with 'profound cases' from where I came from, while they do complain or cry for help, do not beg for government to be their kids caretakers.
Instead, they just want to build a village. Some of them already did and beyond online, instead just dreams to move somewhere where people could get them and their situation.

But I've yet to call out some of them because of their decisions even before getting a kid without stable income or even the maturity. Except that's not entirely their fault, since their respective elders are pressuring plenty of them to have one, or shaming being single or not having any kids. But that's an entirely different matter, however...


Perhaps I'm very lucky in that regard.

Had I've been born in the States or the UK, within a household that has no adequate caretaking culture, I'd probably be one of those heavily medicated violent psych patient that everyone is scared of and want to get rid off, all because my parents had no idea what to do with me, and with people (likely not competent people) taking it out of my hands.


:shrug:
And I just really thought it's weird.
Not to discount the OP's stories and other situations abroad.


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carlos55
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24 Oct 2024, 2:48 am

Edna3362 wrote:
I don't understand the over reliance on government to do any caretaking work unless all parties are really incapable like being also disabled themselves or at deep end of poverty that they cannot feed themselves.

Parents with 'profound cases' from where I came from, while they do complain or cry for help, do not beg for government to be their kids caretakers.
Instead, they just want to build a village. Some of them already did and beyond online, instead just dreams to move somewhere where people could get them and their situation.

But I've yet to call out some of them because of their decisions even before getting a kid without stable income or even the maturity. Except that's not entirely their fault, since their respective elders are pressuring plenty of them to have one, or shaming being single or not having any kids. But that's an entirely different matter, however...


Perhaps I'm very lucky in that regard.

Had I've been born in the States or the UK, within a household that has no adequate caretaking culture, I'd probably be one of those heavily medicated violent psych patient that everyone is scared of and want to get rid off, all because my parents had no idea what to do with me, and with people (likely not competent people) taking it out of my hands.


:shrug:
And I just really thought it's weird.
Not to discount the OP's stories and other situations abroad.


Different culture in west unfortunately, less cooperative and friendly society.

The cost of living is quite high so that forces both parents to work for a start or live in poverty.

Having said that I watched the documentary related to this ( anoth recent thread of mine) the children were attacking the mother and destroying the home so their needs went above and beyond what is reasonable.


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24 Oct 2024, 7:30 am

If I may contribute this to your thread, medical aid for IBS and mental health is broken, unsupported by medical aid. As if excess isn't white collar crime, enough!! !
I read one lady saying she ended up without her ADHD meds due to cost, and eventually became a crystal meth addict later on, and it's quite insightful for parents to realise what the side effects of sleep and weight change is and how it affects, we have preschoolers medicated. I think ADHD can disrupt families as much as spectrum. My issue is that I still loose jobs and to find out someone can't hold down a job isn't well accepted.
If we had more answers government would be forced to assist us.



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25 Oct 2024, 12:07 pm

You are not ok, I understand.
My son stole from neighbour, ran away from school and had social service on my doorstep, after chatting it came out how stressed I was. Luckily she understood what ADHD is.
My dad was awful, told me to send my boy to boys town, said no excuse.
I've worked various ways for him to earn pocket money, ND it's worked.

Sadly autistic people don't have money, most of us can't afford decent meat or food. Yes we solution driven but at times life can just leave you in a rut. The difficulty is if you ever want to regain custody, the state may investigate you as a parent. I've commented on custody of ADHD children taken into state care due to displaying behaviour outside control parent and it's all due to my very own father. On ADHD support group many others say you have no idea how families refuse to accept behaviour as ADHD. Until you had son or low functioning then really in no position to advise other parents as you have no idea what going through. I've heard mom's with daughters say home schooling was easy, Ahhhh. I need a Break, and I need to work.
I had trips to occupational and sat whole day in line at clinic. Then speech therapist. Then breaking up fights.

May God be with you,



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25 Oct 2024, 12:30 pm

If i may explain rules about support group, no one should judge, everyone can have different view of their experience. It's not nice to compare if this abuse is lesser or greater.
We are all battling through autism, I still mess up at best of times. So many times I wish I wasn't selectively mute, but it's autism and I had to forgive myself.
On other forum someone said I'd never use my disability to get out of jail, well not with autism but maybe ADHD.
Asd test isn't that straight forward,

I'm not making enemies, but I've being on various support groups where I learnt not to compare situations, and to be respectful. Autistic people haven't being taught these rules about support groups.



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03 Nov 2024, 2:11 pm

Last comment on incels vs femcels
Thought may be somewhat relevant

In South Africa speech therapists are nightmare, had thread on other forum, why.

Don't diagnose autism (Dah) and work on eye contact and body language as default, now we have more teens diagnosed mild autism.

USA standard seems to affect other countries. Bette Midler is always published here concerning her views on housework, hah.
Ye, she loves women does own housework, well as Hungarian I do that and I never colonised or killed natives, and business is not built on oppression or modern slavery, it's tough but depends on neuro type as definition of intelligence, emotional or intellectual and do you sell timber or develop internet service?
Ek is net n bietjie, vas geslaap.
Planet of apes and good doctor, I think some didn't diagnose for career in medical, they smart and work hard, gluton intolerance was always public, just didn't know why. They quiet people working, don't know how corrupt USA gov really is, what powerhungry are waiting for. But some autistic people can be corrupted, others just put heads down, didn't know if apes should try escape.