Feeling Embarrassed and Second-Guessing
Hi, I just need to vent.
I feel bad because I might have misjudged a friend who also leads a group I volunteer for. I initially thought their text sounded passive-aggressive (it was a work related text), so I ended up snapping back. But now I'm second-guessing myself and feeling embarrassed. Has this happened to anyone else? I’m dreading having to face them now. I wasn't abusive or overly rude... I just replied with "Wow" and then tried to clarify what i was saying to begin with.
The reason I interpreted the text as passive-aggressive is because I've noticed this person behaving that way in person as well. We were close friends for a short time, but things have soured between us. I know they've often made mean or passive-aggressive comments to other people too, which likely influenced my reaction.
Anyway, I’m sure someone can relate. Passive-aggressive behavior is so confusing and upsetting.
Gentleman Argentum
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Joined: 24 Aug 2019
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I feel bad because I might have misjudged a friend who also leads a group I volunteer for. I initially thought their text sounded passive-aggressive (it was a work related text), so I ended up snapping back. But now I'm second-guessing myself and feeling embarrassed. Has this happened to anyone else? I’m dreading having to face them now. I wasn't abusive or overly rude... I just replied with "Wow" and then tried to clarify what i was saying to begin with.
The reason I interpreted the text as passive-aggressive is because I've noticed this person behaving that way in person as well. We were close friends for a short time, but things have soured between us. I know they've often made mean or passive-aggressive comments to other people too, which likely influenced my reaction.
Anyway, I’m sure someone can relate. Passive-aggressive behavior is so confusing and upsetting.
If it is a group you volunteer for, then the stakes are not high.
I am wary of texts and try to be brief and to the point. Communicating in person or over the phone is better.
It is unclear what you mean by passive-aggressive behavior. I do not know what else to say in response to your post.
_________________
My magical motto is Animus facit nobilem. I like to read fantasy and weird fiction. Just a few of my favorite online things: music, chess, and dungeon crawl stone soup.
If it is a group you volunteer for, then the stakes are not high.
I am wary of texts and try to be brief and to the point. Communicating in person or over the phone is better.
It is unclear what you mean by passive-aggressive behavior. I do not know what else to say in response to your post.
That is true, and a good reminder. Thanks.
I agree, texts can be difficult to decipher sometimes.
I felt they were being passive-aggressive because I explained a technical issue I was experiencing, but they didn't believe me. Instead, they tried explaining it back to me in an overly simplified way, as if I didn't understand, even though they were actually the ones who were wrong.
blitzkrieg
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Age: 114
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You are allowed to snap back at someone without feeling embarrassed about it, Elwyn. We all have moods that vary and we inevitably slip up sometimes, even when our intention it to be nice.
You sound like you are overthinking this particular occurrence. Even if you misjudged someone and made a negative remark to them, I'm sure they will forgive you quickly if you move on and communicate optimistically with this person in the future.
I am sorry to hear you are feeling frustrated with somebody possibly being passive aggressive, however.
Sometimes we don't know what has definitely occurred in text messages. As you mention, text messages can be difficult to decipher from another person and sometimes how we come across in text can be difficult to estimate also. That doesn't stop us from analyzing things though, does it?
You sound like you are overthinking this particular occurrence. Even if you misjudged someone and made a negative remark to them, I'm sure they will forgive you quickly if you move on and communicate optimistically with this person in the future.
I am sorry to hear you are feeling frustrated with somebody possibly being passive aggressive, however.
Sometimes we don't know what has definitely occurred in text messages. As you mention, text messages can be difficult to decipher from another person and sometimes how we come across in text can be difficult to estimate also. That doesn't stop us from analyzing things though, does it?
Thank you for your understanding and encouragement. I appreciate you saying that it's okay to have slip-ups without feeling embarrassed about it. I think you're right... I might be overthinking this and getting caught up in analyzing.
Thanks again!
Gentleman Argentum
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Joined: 24 Aug 2019
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 914
Location: State of Euphoria
If this forum had a thumbs up feature then I would have thumbed-up all of the posts here, but have nothing further to add other than I received a clunker text just last week. I called a text a clunker when there is no way to respond to it without escalation or time-consuming elaboration. I decided in the moment to make no response at all. That turned out to be the best strategy. It is not necessary to always defend, and sometimes bothering with defense can be counter-productive. You just accept that the missile was cast in your direction and watch it as it falls to the ground, ineffective.
There is an old Zen monk saying. "When among fools, silence is best."
_________________
My magical motto is Animus facit nobilem. I like to read fantasy and weird fiction. Just a few of my favorite online things: music, chess, and dungeon crawl stone soup.
blitzkrieg
Veteran
Joined: 8 Jun 2011
Age: 114
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 17,820
Location: The line in the sand
You sound like you are overthinking this particular occurrence. Even if you misjudged someone and made a negative remark to them, I'm sure they will forgive you quickly if you move on and communicate optimistically with this person in the future.
I am sorry to hear you are feeling frustrated with somebody possibly being passive aggressive, however.
Sometimes we don't know what has definitely occurred in text messages. As you mention, text messages can be difficult to decipher from another person and sometimes how we come across in text can be difficult to estimate also. That doesn't stop us from analyzing things though, does it?
Thank you for your understanding and encouragement. I appreciate you saying that it's okay to have slip-ups without feeling embarrassed about it. I think you're right... I might be overthinking this and getting caught up in analyzing.
Thanks again!
No worries, Elwyn!
There is an old Zen monk saying. "When among fools, silence is best."
I like that term, clunker!
That is a really good way to deal with that kind of situation. Very smart! Good quote too!
Thank you
Gentleman Argentum
Veteran
Joined: 24 Aug 2019
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 914
Location: State of Euphoria
If it is a group you volunteer for, then the stakes are not high.
I am wary of texts and try to be brief and to the point. Communicating in person or over the phone is better.
It is unclear what you mean by passive-aggressive behavior. I do not know what else to say in response to your post.
That is true, and a good reminder. Thanks.
I agree, texts can be difficult to decipher sometimes.
I felt they were being passive-aggressive because I explained a technical issue I was experiencing, but they didn't believe me. Instead, they tried explaining it back to me in an overly simplified way, as if I didn't understand, even though they were actually the ones who were wrong.
You were in the right. It sounds to me like they do not have good social skills.
I sometimes encounter that. Another person that has worse social skills than I do. It is flattering actually when you think about it. You can smile.
I would not respond to that person, just let their comment kind of dangle out there. It is for them to apologize or recognize they were mistaken, if they even want to.
_________________
My magical motto is Animus facit nobilem. I like to read fantasy and weird fiction. Just a few of my favorite online things: music, chess, and dungeon crawl stone soup.
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