Have you been in a romantic relationship with another Aspie?

Page 1 of 1 [ 4 posts ] 

Elwyn
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 17 Sep 2024
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 116

Today, 2:10 am

I've never been in a relationship with another Aspie. I'm curious about how it's been for others who have had that experience. I imagine it could be a much better match, since both partners would likely share similar needs, such as a preference for structured routines, clearer communication styles, or specific sensory needs. It seems like these commonalities could make for a deeper mutual understanding and a smoother dynamic. Has anyone else had this experience, and if so, how did it go?

Also, if you have or haven't do you think you'd prefer it?



Carbonhalo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Nov 2007
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,772
Location: Musoria

Today, 4:01 am

No, but I think I'm better off having my complementary ADHD partner.
The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.



Gentleman Argentum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2019
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 700
Location: State of Euphoria

Today, 5:06 am

Elwyn wrote:
I've never been in a relationship with another Aspie. I'm curious about how it's been for others who have had that experience. I imagine it could be a much better match, since both partners would likely share similar needs, such as a preference for structured routines, clearer communication styles, or specific sensory needs. It seems like these commonalities could make for a deeper mutual understanding and a smoother dynamic. Has anyone else had this experience, and if so, how did it go?

Also, if you have or haven't do you think you'd prefer it?


Yes. My last relationship was with a scientist that over time, I concluded might be on the spectrum. It is always a risk trying to diagnose others. I would say that I had about 75% confidence. I probably should have kept my opinion to myself, however, but it was not a significant factor in our break-up.

I think such relationships (between aspies) form quite naturally due to sameness. One is more willing to accept the things that one recognizes in oneself. Whereas, the NTs are highly judgemental and regard a lot of aspie traits as weirdness. They are not willing to accept. NTs prefer other NTs in my experience.

My previous marriage was to a high-functioning social operator NT. That is what I regard as the "super NT on steroids." The one that remembers all names, all faces, and job and family histories to the third generation. The one that throws a party, and fifty people show up. That happened a lot at our house, ha ha.


_________________
My magical motto is Animus facit nobilem.
I like to read fantasy and weird fiction, such as the Lovecraftian derivatives and stories by Donald Tyson. My favorite novel is "Zanoni," by Edward Bulwer-Lytton.

Just a few of my favorite online things: music, chess, and dungeon crawl stone soup.


blitzkrieg
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 17,129
Location: United Kingdom

Today, 2:28 pm

My first girlfriend, a local in my area had ADHD. I have dated a few other women with autism over the years, usually only short-term, however.

My experiences have been varied, some good eggs, some not so great.

I feel as though I wouldn't even bother trying to date an NT as I don't want to be seen as the oddball or a burden in a relationship. I would rather be with someone who understands what it is like to have autism and/or the associated issues that might come with that.

An important part of a relationship that autistic folk generally have a better time understanding one another with, is time alone and balancing that with time spent together.

A lot of NTs are more inclined to be 'on top of each other' as the saying goes, in a relationship, whereas autistic folk are likely more happy to do at least some communicating via electronic means and to respect personal space, more, from what I can understand of the differences between NT/autistic.