Why do a lot of men put me down for my appearance

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Like they will pursue me ask me out or keep trying to get to know me and chase me down yet soon after will keep negging me and putting me down like why chase me then?

They're likely following the (bad) advice of pick-up artist types.

^ this^

It's a similar manipulation tactic as telling a little kid that they most definitely could not ever eat all the broccoli on their plate, so the kid goes "yes I can!" and does so to prove you wrong.

They're trying to undermine your confidence, and make you seek their validation for having done so. In the same spirit as above, they say "you're not that pretty and wouldn't make a very good girlfriend anyways" (or similar) in the hopes that you go "I am very pretty and I would make a great girlfriend, and I'll prove it to you!", so that you try to win their approval, wherein previously they were trying (and failed) to win your approval.

That would be my guess. "Negging" is unfortunately a thing, I can't think of any other reason that would be common enough to warrant a question here. If men are making problematic comments about women's bodies, it tends to be very different from negging.

Yes, pick-up artist stuff, manipulation. It is the strategy of some of the chasers. They are not concerned about honesty or fairness.

That’s gross. I wish they would leave me alone. They always chase me down and usually they already have a gf or wife.

Maybe you should say you already have a boyfriend? Or girlfriend?

It is indeed quite gross. And those men see nothing wrong with what they're doing, too, which is extra gross. The fact that they already have partners just makes it triple gross.




Wouldn't work. These creeps don't respect boundaries. Telling them you already have a boyfriend won't make them suddenly respect boundaries they didn't before. I've watched it happen in real-time. They've got pick-up lines for just such occasions. (I've got a boyfriend!) "What's that got to do with me?" / "I don't care if you don't care" / "Ok, so where is he?" - and they'll just keep trying.

And telling them you have a girlfriend just makes the creep think "threesome!" or some crap. "Call her up too, we'll make it a party!" or other such creep moves. They've got lines for that too - "maybe you just haven't met the right man yet".

Thanks. Yeah if they don’t even respect their own commitments to their gf or wife why would they care about mine?

I wish there was a way to avoid them altogether. I encounter them at work a lot and I can’t quit every job. They’re everywhere. I think they love doing this crap at work because the women at work can’t escape them.

The response to being called ugly:

I know I'm ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked me... the nurse got in a few shots as well.

Even as a baby I was ugly, they had to get my mother drunk before she'd breastfeed me.

My father took me to the zoo. The zookeeper thanked him for returning me.

Every Christmas they made me take the family photo. That way I wouldn't be in it. No respect I tell yah.

lol. Love the zoo one.

My default when someone seeks to harm me is to take away what they're trying to use.

In this case it's probably especially effective because instead of the PUA-douche making you seek validation, you're instead owning the insult and demonstrating you don't need their validation.

Another variety of that response would be after you receive the negative comment would be to ask them if they're hoping ugly girls will settle for them or if they're too scared to talk to a woman they find attractive or something else that flips the dynamic back to them being the one seeking validation.

Do you know Rodney Dangerfield?

My recommendation is to never do more than something small and public with a man who has asked you out until you are certain he's not that type. A cup of coffee, visiting a museum, something like that. Always in public, and make sure someone knows where you are and when you're expected home. If there are no red flags after a few of those encounters and you feel safe, you can start spending more time with him. There's no hurry to be in a relationship with someone, just to be able to say you have a boyfriend. Better to confirm he's worth being with, first.

Could it be ego? needing to be in control?