Am I odd because I don't feel envy or jealousy?

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Interesting! I have never heard of this before.

You are not a fool. They are extremely versed in how they go about their business. I felt the same way, but, a friend reminded me that we cannot see it until the abuse starts, because they act so nice, up until that point.

I experienced all of the above/quoted text. The aspect of ‘twisting the story around to make them the victim of the actual victim/target’, has been the hardest part of it, for me to get past. The cognitive dissonance I have been experiencing, has been profound. I just want it to stop and all to go back to normal. The thing is, I have had 2 other smear campaigns against me, and your mind, thought patterns never completely revert. But, on a positive note, we become stronger and wiser, as a result. Your analogy of other dead branches being cut off your tree, is exactly what happens. Another positive aspect of the experience.

I felt jealousy/envy when I was young but it gradually became less frequent and vanished by my late teens. I still have some vague memories of it but it's quite baffling to see adults willing others to fail, falling apart when someone else enjoys any success and then trying to knock them down so they look bigger by comparison.

I'm naturally fairly quiet which seems to unnerve a lot of people. Often they will think that I don't like them and then they will start to say sh***y things behind my back, probably thinking that that's what I'm doing to them. So the campaign of hate starts to counter all of the sh***y things that I'm not even saying about them. They're really fighting a battle that only exists inside their own head. Also, despite being quiet I will speak up when I need to and tend to call people out on their bullsh*t more frequently these days, and that doesn't exactly make me that popular either (although sometimes I end up saying what everyone else was thinking).

I'm not sure if it's odd to have never felt jealousy/envy, but it must be pretty rare.

yeas

I find it difficult to keep to myself and not yearning for connections with my peers. I was hoping that being reclusive would solve this cyclical dilemma, but I guess not. It is good that you understand that it is their own insecurities being projected onto you. When this used to happen to me, I always assumed it was really me.

So true.. and we can hopefully help others going through the same mess!

I don't envy people their relationships or their possessions, but I do envy some people's abilities and talents. I don't hold it against them, though -- I just wish I could do the same things as them.

7 years later ...

I envy people even way less now that I learnt more and more about the world.
Also attained said maturity and figuring more about my own ego.


Envy is a rare emotion to me.
It's something I even look forward to feel as to indicate what I want in life.
Turns out I'm pretty good at taking negative emotions after years of forced practice.
Still, I still envy people who never have to do more than just people having more.
I still envy people who have more options and choices in life thus I still strive to be freer.

Jealousy is almost non-existent.
I can probably count it with my fingers the times I ever recall feeling jealousy...
Probably because I don't have a lot of insecurities with any of my relationships or the neediness to "have" more with someone or anyone...

I have always differentiated envy and jealousy (incorrectly according to the dictionary) with envy being wanting something someone else has and jealousy as not wanting to share something you have.
I don't have a problem with envying someone else's specific item/quality/possession however I am not immune from desiring an equivalent.
I can remember feeling jealousy as a teen, but think I grew out of it.

I relate to not being jealous or envious. It's caused problems in a romantic relationship because I dismissed signals of betrayal because my mind just didn't consider that the other person would cheat. that was 45 years ago and some of the fallout still haunts me.

i saw a lot of people doing things that caused me to aspire to do things that looked fulfilling. my neurodivergence blocked progress on most of those aspirations. i've actually become content in my wheelhouse and am not even envious of the things that eluded me.

Your definitions seem about right to me. I suppose the gist of the whole thing is feeling bad because somebody else has something that you either don't have, have lost (to them?), or never had, or can't hope to get (back). Not wanting to share comes into it, and I think it's also important to consider whether you're being forced to share or whether you're just asked to share. So I think there are many flavours of envy and jealousy.

I even knew of a colleague who was furious to find that her colleague, who was technically a bit lower in the food chain, was getting a salary (nearly?) equal to hers. It bugged her so much that she tendered her resignation, but that was a ruse to scare the boss into putting the matter "right," which he wouldn't (and probably couldn't) do, so he stood his ground, she withdrew her resignation, and learned to live with the "problem." I could hardly believe anybody could be so upset about such a thing. But then I don't much like pay differentials. Still, there are arguments for such inequality, and I don't entirely dismiss them, it's just my gut reaction.

I'm capable of feeling envy and jealousy, and I don't feel ashamed of it. I think to a degree it's probably a good thing as long as it's not taken so far that the harm outweighs the good. A lot depends on what you do with the feelings.

I can think of so many different examples of appropriate and inappropriate jealous/envious behaviour that I could write a book, so I'd best confine myself to one more comment:

Some years ago, somebody coined the term "the politics of envy" as a pejorative intended to shut down those who complained about inequality. The term seemed to be sticking, so I was glad when a Leftie remarked "I wish more people would be more envious, then there might be a bit less inequality in the world." It just doesn't seem fair that some folks struggle all their lives just to make ends meet, through no fault of their own, while others have money to burn, through no merit of their own, and they guard that money jealously even though they don't need it all. Somehow, if we were truly all in it together, struggling wouldn't feel like quite such an insult. No difference materially, but psychologically it's different.

I wonder how much of a role alexithymia plays in autistics who report not feeling certain emotions, or emotions in general.

I get the feeling that it's a significant factor in that trend, at least based on people I've known who claim to be uninfluenced by/devoid of emotions.

Don't know. In my own case I was often unconscious of sexual jealousy feelings in my youth, but the pattern was rather uneven, and complicated by something of a social taboo among my peers - it was the late 60s and the 70s, and the permissive society tended to frown on jealousy. So I think there would have been some repression going on in many of us, which did a lot of damage and took me years to shake off. These days I think I'm usually well aware of when I'm feeling jealousy, and mercifully it's not been provoked in me for a long time, and even when it has, it's been mild.

Not feeling envy or jealousy is I think a good thing. might mean that you don’t feel you are in competition with anyone around you.