What's your relationship style?
Having been squashed and creased into this relationship it's hard to conceive of something different.
It'd be nice to again be capable of independence and doing everything for myself. Then living apart would allow some mystery and privacy, but I'm mostly content with what I have...24/7 saturation for a few weeks followed by long lonely stretches
I love spending time with my partner, but I also need to have plenty of time alone. I'm very fortunate that she's the same way. This was a topic of conversation when we discussed moving in together in a year or two; we both need a big enough place to have time and space to ourselves
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"Donkeys live a long time. None of you has ever seen a dead donkey."
For me, my past relationship style with the two partners I've had (14 years and 15 years respectively) was to be glued at the hip. I love to be with them always and to have our little inside jokes and to fawn over them all the time. With my current partner, whom I have been with for less than a year, we only see each other once or twice a week, though when we do see each other we spend all day together and sometimes into the nest day. I would like to see him more, but he is more independent and my chronic illness also makes it difficult, as I am sometimes out of commission. I'm thinking/hoping that things will evolve. I really like him and could be with him always.
I definitely need quite a bit of time to myself, but I also enjoy seeing my partner daily. Living together works for me, as long as we have enough space. It's important that the living space isn't too small, so we can each have our own areas to retreat to when we need some time alone. Having that balance between togetherness and personal space is key for me.
Gentleman Argentum
Veteran
Joined: 24 Aug 2019
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 713
Location: State of Euphoria
I like being alone for the most part, punctuated by visits. I was in a twenty-three year marriage before. What happens is that people can become strangers, even living with each other. I think people get tired of each other. That is my belief. I do not think that human relationships are very often capable of being long-term or stable in any way.
How to avoid that? Best is bee33's style with her boyfriend, just see each other once a week, that seems ideal to me.
The main thing in the way of that is practicality. Living together is a lot cheaper and it also allows you to care for each other in sickness and protect each other.
I didn't get sick a whole lot in my marriage though and did not need protection. As for finances, I lost a lot by having someone live with me that was not careful with money and did not earn much money. The two go hand-in-hand.
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My magical motto is Animus facit nobilem.
I like to read fantasy and weird fiction, such as the Lovecraftian derivatives and stories by Donald Tyson. My favorite novel is "Zanoni," by Edward Bulwer-Lytton.
Just a few of my favorite online things: music, chess, and dungeon crawl stone soup.
Mikurotoro92
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Joined: 30 Aug 2022
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,009
Location: Mushroom Kingdom or Bikini Bottom
When I FINALLY do get married I wouldn't want to be around my husband 24/7
I would want time to myself!! !
I am already dealing with clinginess from my brother and do not want to continue that in my romantic relationship or marriage!
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"You have never experienced true love but that doesn't mean you won't EVER find it!" -SpongeBob SquarePants
I need my space, being around others 24/7 has always ruffled my jammies. I overdose on people working long hours in blue collar as it is.
Currently, I meet my GF once a week but make it something to always look forward too. We live apart but a decent restaurant is always on the itinerary along with exploring. She lives in a rural part of Wales so I make sure we meet up in places near a urban hub but not right in the middle. Its a nice change for her.
I think too much of anything is bad. She has her life, I have mine and they're polar opposites. She has kids, I don't, I work a lot of hours, she doesn't, she lives by herself and kids, I live with my mother (weird being a landlord I know)
We know not to intrude on each other and respect each others separate lives. Awkwardly shoehorning into one life or another never works, thats for people who have yet calved out their future, lives similar lives, or are probably younger.
Gentleman Argentum
Veteran
Joined: 24 Aug 2019
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 713
Location: State of Euphoria
Currently, I meet my GF once a week but make it something to always look forward too. We live apart but a decent restaurant is always on the itinerary along with exploring. She lives in a rural part of Wales so I make sure we meet up in places near a urban hub but not right in the middle. Its a nice change for her.
I think too much of anything is bad. She has her life, I have mine and they're polar opposites. She has kids, I don't, I work a lot of hours, she doesn't, she lives by herself and kids, I live with my mother (weird being a landlord I know)
We know not to intrude on each other and respect each others separate lives. Awkwardly shoehorning into one life or another never works, thats for people who have yet calved out their future, lives similar lives, or are probably younger.
Agree, that sounds ideal actually. I suggested such a lifestyle to a girlfriend once, but she had very fixed views that involved 24/7 cohabitation, which I interpreted as financial exploitation. I think people live together primarily for financial reasons.
There is a great sense of freedom, peace, and calm in solitude, like Mountain Hermit talks about in his videos. I never knew how wonderful it could be until I tried it for the first time after divorce.
_________________
My magical motto is Animus facit nobilem.
I like to read fantasy and weird fiction, such as the Lovecraftian derivatives and stories by Donald Tyson. My favorite novel is "Zanoni," by Edward Bulwer-Lytton.
Just a few of my favorite online things: music, chess, and dungeon crawl stone soup.
Currently, I meet my GF once a week but make it something to always look forward too. We live apart but a decent restaurant is always on the itinerary along with exploring. She lives in a rural part of Wales so I make sure we meet up in places near a urban hub but not right in the middle. Its a nice change for her.
I think too much of anything is bad. She has her life, I have mine and they're polar opposites. She has kids, I don't, I work a lot of hours, she doesn't, she lives by herself and kids, I live with my mother (weird being a landlord I know)
We know not to intrude on each other and respect each others separate lives. Awkwardly shoehorning into one life or another never works, thats for people who have yet calved out their future, lives similar lives, or are probably younger.
Agree, that sounds ideal actually. I suggested such a lifestyle to a girlfriend once, but she had very fixed views that involved 24/7 cohabitation, which I interpreted as financial exploitation. I think people live together primarily for financial reasons.
There is a great sense of freedom, peace, and calm in solitude, like Mountain Hermit talks about in his videos. I never knew how wonderful it could be until I tried it for the first time after divorce.
I personally think a lack of personal time and space is a leading cause of relationship breakdowns.
People are social, but also very intelligent and don't need to be around others 24/7. We're not like herd animals.
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