I don't have friends and it's difficult to make them
I don't really know how to. I've had friends before. Just lately I get anxious. I'm at an age where my differences seem to stand out way more. I don't drive, don't work, and don't really relate. I've been told I should try. I struggled even at an event for Autistic people and ended up crying when I got home.
Sometimes when I am being social I kind of want to go home. I get nervous in public or get overwhelmed. Sometimes I take the bus with people and it stresses me out. I kind of want friends but I don't know if I'm ready.
I think making friends and relating to people comes with practice
And if you've been isolated for a while then of course you're going to struggle and possibly fall behind others who are your age
I'm like a child irl so I struggle with adults and adults struggle with me...people seem to want to parent so that's my difficulty
I'm wondering if you can find something for maybe an hour a week as routine and then work on that and then build it up slowly
I mean I dunno really I'm making this up as I write
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We have existence
Sometimes when I am being social I kind of want to go home. I get nervous in public or get overwhelmed. Sometimes I take the bus with people and it stresses me out. I kind of want friends but I don't know if I'm ready.
You are not alone. I have had difficulty making and keeping friends my entire life. I don't usually go out and try to make friends. On the rare occasions when I do, it's usually because I find someone very interesting or intriguing and I end up trying to hard and come across to strong and it turns them off. It never gets easier really, but if you want friends, you need to make some effort, but realize that most folks just aren't like us and it may not last long. And that's ok.
This has been a struggle for me as well. It is difficult to relate in small talk in groups. I try to find other people's special interests to connect over, but most people do not have the same level of intensity of special interests as I do normally. It is very easy for people to be put off by my special interests, because of too much info dumping. It wasn't until I received my diagnosis that I was able to connect the dots of how much this has been a common theme throughout my life.
I do not even blame other people anymore about the lack of being able to connect with most people, because I have learned more about the different wiring of autistic minds in general.
Keep trying when you can. Just remember, keep the expectations low for neurotypical people who do not have the same amount of information in regards to autism or how autistic people communicate. That has helped me not have any expectations for relationships and makes it a pleasent surprise when I can actually engage in a few in real life.
Gentleman Argentum
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Joined: 24 Aug 2019
Age: 54
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Location: State of Euphoria
Sometimes when I am being social I kind of want to go home. I get nervous in public or get overwhelmed. Sometimes I take the bus with people and it stresses me out. I kind of want friends but I don't know if I'm ready.
I think the overstimulation from new and unfamiliar sights, sounds, and smells overwhelms the nervous system. I feel this too and strongly prefer familiar settings, thus I am a homebody. Other people out at work talk about their vacations, places they have gone out to, places they want to visit. I am quite content remaining in the same place all the time. I am a houseplant.
However I do go out to work everyday. I think that we have to however unpleasant it may seem. We have to earn money. One thing I will tell you is that over time, work can become familiar and the stresses reduce and become manageable. Overstimulation is due to unfamiliarity. If you work at the same place for a while, you adapt over time.
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My magical motto is Animus facit nobilem. I like to read fantasy and weird fiction. Just a few of my favorite online things: music, chess, and dungeon crawl stone soup.
What did you struggle with, at the event for autistic people? Do you have any thoughts on how the event could have been run better, so that it could have been less of a struggle for you?
(I ask as one of the facilitators of some peer-led groups for autistic people.)
Anyhow, as for making friends more generally, you might find some helpful thoughts in the following Wrong Planet thread: Thoughts about friendship.
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- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)
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