Dating Advice

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I’m now 33 years old, and I’m starting to feel that it is getting too late for me to ever get into a relationship. The reason I never really been in a relationship is not because I never tried, but because of perpetual rejection.

No matter how hard I tried to date or how many dating sites and facebook dating groups I’ve been on no girl was ever willing to date.

And when I finally matched with someone, and I was chatting with them for a few days, as soon as I disclosed that I am autistic, they immediately unmatched/blocked me which ironically is exactly what I predicted would happen.

On the facebook autism dating groups there is like 20-30 guys for every girl in the group. The few girls that are in the groups completely ignore me, and talk to other guys.

I mean I have in the vent chats of the dating groups on messenger mentioned how I am perpetually rejected because of who I am.

And even there the perpetual rejection continues. My theory for that is that many autistic women do not want to date autistic guys but guys who they feel are going to be successful aka neurotypical.

This is why there is such a disparity between autistic guys and girls. Autistic girls often find their partner pretty quickly, though not as fast as the neurotypical counterparts, but still pretty quickly, whereas autistic guys including people who are AMAB and are non-binary like myself are almost always perpetually single.

I am on Hiki, OkCupid, Tinder, Hinge, Jswipe, E-Harmony and several other platforms, despite that nothing has worked out for me.

What am I doing wrong? Will I be in my 50’s and still perpetually single?

Have you tried asking women out in real life?

Many times. So many times I have lost track. And I always get what I expect.

Many times. So many times I have lost track. And I always get what I expect.

I dunno if it'll make you feel better, but I'm the same age and in a similar boat. I firmly believe it's never too late to find a relationship, and I'm hopeful that all the lonely people on WP will find people and situations that make them happy

Anyway, there was a thread earlier about why there is such a gender gap on dating apps. You might want to watch the video in it. It was pretty cool and didn't blame anyone. People on dating apps have a wide variety of reasons for being on the app. There will always be some people who don't want to deal with an autistic partner or a partner with any special needs and will unmatch you. They were never a good fit to begin with. It's great that they weeded themselves out.

As for what you're doing wrong: it's pretty impossible for us to know exactly what you're doing wrong when it comes to how you come across to potential dates on dating sites. The only obvious thing is that you might be creating a self fulfilling prophecy by expecting the rejection. Are there any similarities you've noticed in the rejections? You mentioned when disclosing your autism, but are there any other things you routinely speak about that cause people to unmatch?

Do you speak to women on sites you match with about rejection? I was on dating sites for a while and too often guys I matched with would vent to me in a very similar fashion to your post about how they're constantly rejected or how they felt unfairly judged by women. I was able to empathize, but I never understood why they were telling me. One even went on a whole rant about how women only want to date criminals. I thought it was hilarious but I definitely did not want to date him after that because it was obvious how poorly he thought of women. He was an extreme example, though. Usually it was about being rejected for being too short, or not being a doctor, or for not making enough money, etc. I'm not saying you're doing that, or I hope you're not - I'm just saying you might be giving the same vibes? It's hard to tell.

^ Good points!

Yeah that guy who told you that women only want to date criminals a.k.a. bad guys sounds like an Incel. It’s probably his attitude why he’s perpetually single. People with incel mentality are usually always single. And the saddest thing is that a lot of autistic men are incels and adhere to misogynistic views because of the perpetual rejection which only makes the rejection so much worse, and perpetuates their hateful views towards women and successful men.

I dunno if it'll make you feel better, but I'm the same age and in a similar boat. I firmly believe it's never too late to find a relationship, and I'm hopeful that all the lonely people on WP will find people and situations that make them happy

Anyway, there was a thread earlier about why there is such a gender gap on dating apps. You might want to watch the video in it. It was pretty cool and didn't blame anyone. People on dating apps have a wide variety of reasons for being on the app. There will always be some people who don't want to deal with an autistic partner or a partner with any special needs and will unmatch you. They were never a good fit to begin with. It's great that they weeded themselves out.

As for what you're doing wrong: it's pretty impossible for us to know exactly what you're doing wrong when it comes to how you come across to potential dates on dating sites. The only obvious thing is that you might be creating a self fulfilling prophecy by expecting the rejection. Are there any similarities you've noticed in the rejections? You mentioned when disclosing your autism, but are there any other things you routinely speak about that cause people to unmatch?

Do you speak to women on sites you match with about rejection? I was on dating sites for a while and too often guys I matched with would vent to me in a very similar fashion to your post about how they're constantly rejected or how they felt unfairly judged by women. I was able to empathize, but I never understood why they were telling me. One even went on a whole rant about how women only want to date criminals. I thought it was hilarious but I definitely did not want to date him after that because it was obvious how poorly he thought of women. He was an extreme example, though. Usually it was about being rejected for being too short, or not being a doctor, or for not making enough money, etc. I'm not saying you're doing that, or I hope you're not - I'm just saying you might be giving the same vibes? It's hard to tell.

Clearly they think you're too cute and they couldn't handle the competition. Do you have a pet? Replace your profile pic with a pet. Don't unmask until AFTER they've made a positive comment about your writing.
(Yes it's tongue in cheek, but.... People are weird and you never know your luck)

Dating sites work from time to time, but you cannot fully rely on them. Nowadays, in fact, they are in decline because now they keep limiting more and more of the features you can use without paying a hefty sum. There are a lot of fake profiles, bots, and people looking for you to sub to their OnlyFans. Genuine people exist, but they are rare. I would personally try in person stuff more nowadays. I asked for a womans number at a bar when out with some friends for a birthday party on Saturday. While I was rejected, it made me feel empowered and like I could do it again, and I really wish more men would do this nowadays instead of sitting on an app which takes a LOT of effort and also paying money to even have a remote chance of success.