Say Something Random: psychological Conditions Version

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Seems from my past experiences with P- docs is that very very few of them are remotely familiar with Autism spectrum .
It is a seperate psyche class in college , under abnormal psychology ...... Its probably not required curriculum to get you Psyche degree . ( imho) .
So obviously a doc would rather treat something they are familiar with .
This has to do directly with the level of education they chose to goto school for .
And yes had seperate docs each dx me with Autism ...( ones whom had a long history with me) Then one whom met me once at a emergency visit,whom wrote in my chart that I was a schizo type disorder ., That had no experience with Aspies . But wanted that to be permanet record in my medical chart . He was a nutter . No discussion, on the topic allowed . So I immediately signed myself out of the place. Due to this! And where your suppose sign. I wtote that I signed under duress. in the signature line . And did not sign my name. but did recognize one of the weekend staff nurses as being someone arrested by the Sheruffs dept. years past for stealing patients meds . Including my own.
Am not able to put up with medical incompetincy . Cannot afford extra mistakes by others this far along in life.

Having a noisy mind has obvious effects to one's mental health.

So is having a noisy environment -- that itself is stressful.

But so is having a noisy body.
It doesn't always have to be chronic pain or fatigue.


And having one or another or any combination thereof implies something else going on.

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Hey Edna,
You've been copping some extreme amplitude natural noise lately.
How are you handling the cyclones?

It's too normalized for me to determine if it's difficult or not.

I guess to me it's just another yearly occurrence.
Sometimes it's convenient -- sometimes it's not.

Usually it's disruptive, but lucky enough that it's nothing that had destroyed anything dear to me... Yet.

Mostly because I am in the right time and place.
More emphasis on right place; 98% safe enough to not get destroyed or something unless it's not just stormy weeks...

And privileged enough to never panic overstaying in any stranded places.

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Life plus chronic pain in a entire region of your body , seem to dimish ones value of life . And all focs have seemingly stopped offering any pain relief medicines,that are effective.

Miku's spitting tough love.

I'm liking the idea of everyone working together lately

I don't mean on the forum as such but I mean in real life in general

This feeling has only just occurred to me lately but it's already having a positive impact on my mental health

I think it's just the thought that I am part of something bigger than just myself and I've never felt that before

^^^^ Agreed^^^^^....

I suppose it's growth

And growth can be a good thing ....

Congrats on the growth.

Life takes weird turns : when you realize that most of your decisions of past 18 years,seem to be heavily influenced by ones own
PTSD . Its alittle like ,having a glimpse : of the glass of humanity , might be "half full" as opposed to " half empty".
The half empty POV can cause as much errors as half full perspective . . . but personally still choose to ERR on the side of safety .
( not readily included in this post) : Having a ""balanced"" POV ,can provide insights in dealing with situations
( some call it intuition).?

At the moment, I'm in a place where cellular services are too weak to rely on mobile data...

The city area, where signals works, is an hour drive away. Currently not allowed to leave and just walk for 3 hrs straight alone.

Had to pay for internet connection every few hours. Half a day at most.
And the range doesn't reach well to anywhere where there's no annoying mosquitos.

Thus...
... Significantly less screen time. Because of how inconvenient it is to access it.

There's no television here.
Barely a phone or cellular service works as I already mentioned.

Not that I'm actually complaining.
I really do want to make the most of my 5 days here.

On top of barely screen time; no munching either.
Well, barely either.

Even if I'm somewhat limited to like several blocks of walking distance/with a company with transports, and not allowed to be left alone, I did enjoyed it.

It's a huge novelty.
Like, a decade ago novelty.

Even before the flight started, I literally acted like a really excited kid.
Testing and annoying my sister half the time without batting and eye in public.

Yep, I'm that one woman-child who would laugh out loud in public.

I tried really, really hard to ignore and forget any physical nuisances that exists in favor of experiencing all of this.


Today is my 3rd day.
I already bugged several people and went to places. I really like it.
But my damnable subconsicous is "adapting" fast into "comfortably less excited".
I really wish I stay the same as I do the first day instead of 'settling'.

Since I have no work day and thus no stressors to contend, I would take some coffee and see what happens.

Instead, it worked as intended.
In a cycle phase when it's supposedly no effects but side effects, too. And without hormonal birth control pills to aid it's process.

Too bad I don't have some melatonin to test it out.


So; this family emergency gave me this stark contrast of not blowing my budget over snacking and brainpower over excessive screentime.

Not a complete detox, but it made me discover some stuff.

Like...
There's no fancying anymore because of lack of access. Only make do and contend with what I only have in hand or available.

Like in the past 3 days, my reality went very, very simple...
So simple I wish it lasts for longer.

And I do not mean going back to my city and obligations back home, but all the novelty and enthusiasm without crashing into irritated tiredness and impatient apathy.

Like yeah, this is what a vacation should feel like.

This feeling of feeling new.
I really like it.

Does that mean I don't like being settled?
Being a part of a routine?
Being used to my presence and place?

Actually, yeah.
Being no longer some sort of newbie never helped me so far. Because I don't progress further.


...
Back before I ever had a job, I genuinely thought that I'd be this modern young worker with no company loyalty; job hoping every few months or so.

Instead I ended up with 7+ years of repeated tutorials that consists of a stupid weekly time loop.

If I have a cyclical pattern, I'd rather have months long of consistency with only few days of overt changes; not series of weeks of sudden subtle changes and relearning.



I don't want to go back to that stupid everyday state anymore.
Even if I got tired with comfort from the crappy sleep effects of caffeine, I'm still good unlike "my usual".

I hate it.

I hate "settling".
And when I do, I'd ended up acting upon on stupid subconsicous patterns that I really wish to get rid of all because stupid subconsicous thinks it's 'familiar' and 'misses it'.


Lol.
**** the subconsicous disregard for it's own long term safety and growth in favor of false self preservation and safety.

Me being "comfortable" means revealing "my real self"? **** No! That's just a disguised complacency that allows stupid programs to take over that I'd rather do without in my life.

**** subtle dysfunctional enmeshment and expectations.


...
This "vacation"...
Gave me a really stark contrast over enmeshment.
And it changed the way I treat my own mom even.

...
I want this to be my default. Towards everyone. And everything.

I want this to be how every of my relationships are with anything.

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^^^^ Absolutely best Wishes for this to be a new norm..^^^^^^

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