Coming out of the aspie closet

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Hello all,

I have been toying with the idea of coming out of the closet as an autistic person for a while now.

Certain friends and family members know that I'm autistic but its something I keep mostly to myself for fear of judgment from others. I still feel that telling someone that you are autisic, often creates more questions than answers, but I think I would like to tell a few more people in my life.

I am getting to the point where I cannot easily explain away my eccentricities and struggles with life in general.

I am apart of a libertarian community group and no one currently knows that I'm on the spectrum. I fear that if I come out as autistic that my friends in this group will recoil in disgust and/or confusion. I am also concerned that there may be some criticism towards my parents on account of my upbringing, examples would be vaccines, diet, environmental chemicals etc.

Now I do not know what exactly causes autism but my best guess is that its highly generic, since many people in my family have autisic traits. It could very well be true that there are environmental contributors that contribute to the expression of autism, but that is yet to be determined.

Anyway, I don't want to be inundated with comments and unsolicited advice on how to "cure" my condition. I can't stand hearing that horse sh*t, I was born autistic and I will die autistic and there is no pill, supplement or surgery that will ever change that.

So, how do you think I should go about coming out of the closet? Do any of you have experience with a similar situation? And if so how did you go about it?


Thank you for reading my long post, and I look forward to reading everyone's responses.

CFL

Giving yourself a label when dealing with people may not be as useful as you anticipate. I have found using humor to describe a particularly noticeable trait is more useful. For example, the tendency to be a "little professor" can be explained by saying, "I'm sorry, I'm the type of person who tells you how to build a watch when all you asked was what time was it."

I do this sort of thing all the time. As time goes on, I get better at it. Of course, being undiagnosed, there would be less motivation for me to "disclose" something that is only speculative anyway.

Coming out would just lead to misunderstanding. People in general don't understand autism. You will probably get people telling what day they were born and expecting you to tell them what day of the week that was.

Even some autistic people are nervous around other autistic people.

If you can pass just keep getting better at it.

I am not sure exactly what "coming out of the closet" as an autistic would mean. I express my traits openly to a high degree by trying to "mask" as little as possible. On the other hand I don't disclose my diagnosis to people outside my close circle of family and friends. I guess you could argue whether I am in the closet or not. I think a lot of people, professionals included, have a firm and wrong belief what autism is. If I tell them that I am autistic they would probably get the wrong impression of me, instead of a better understanding. When I discuss autism with people that don't know that I am autistic myself they often end up mainsplaining me about how autistic people think and the reasons they (autistics) behave the way they do.

I agree with humor. I find it easier to deal people if I can start by getting a mild chuckle from them. I favor dry humor.

If you do decide to advertise, consider phrasing. Rather than medically correct phrasing, perhaps go with some milder-sounding rephrasing, such as "I have a touch of Autism".

But, I'll concede that I am not a good person to consult. I did not find out I was Autistic until I was married, 64, and had been comfortably retired for more than a decade. I don't think I'm going to be defined by my Autism.

I see from reading everyone's responses that you are all hesitant to disclose more openly.

Should I instead choose carefully a few people that I trust in the group to tell them?

I am getting tired of hiding the fact that I'm autistic. It's a real shame that there is so many misconceptions about what being autistic is.

Another barrier to disclosure is that I have a hard time explaining things and recalling examples on the spot. It often takes awhile for me to compile all of the appropriate information then translate it into something a lay person could understand.

I was diagnosed at age 33. I am 40 now.
I don't generally bring it up unless I feel it's relevant to a conversation,
but I am very comfortable mentioning it if I feel I should or need to.
I just don't care anymore what others think if I am on the spectrum.

I view the diagnosis as a subjective medical opinion.
I can see first hand how there's a lot of judgement in the report
and things that sound degrading/humiliating. A lot of it I don't agree with.

I could also file a complaint against the psychiatrist who wrote the report, but I have never bothered.

More specifically, I would be careful about disclosing if I was you. You might find that some people will not see past the "Autistic" label. It could be a hindrance.

With people that know you and respect you, it would likely be OK. They will see more than the label.

When dealing with strangers where continued contact is likely to be limited, use your own judgement. Though I, personally, think working in some humor might help relax the conversation.

When you are older and have established respectable academic, professional, and financial credentials then I think you will be able to work past the label.

Note: I only got my diagnosis in 2019, shortly before my 65th birthday. I've been completely retired since 2011. My experience on the topic of being openly Autistic is very limited. My opinions are based upon personal speculation, not personal experience.

I think this is sound advice. I will heed your warning.

Thanks,

CFL

I feel generally the same as you on this matter. I usually disclose my diagnosis to my employer after the probationary period is over. My reason for doing it is simple, I have far more rights and protections under the law as an employee with a stated disability than without. Although this is not a fool proof solution. I was once fired without cause specifically because of my disability. But had I wanted sue my past employer for discrimination, I would have been well within my right to do so since both my boss and supervisor knew and had previously made accommodations because of my disability.