Where to meet women irl who are single

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Where can I go to meet women who are eligible for dating in real life? The dating sites have been useful from time to time, but I feel as though I need something more useful and in addition to those as well.

As a man in my mid 30s I feel the only option for me personally is online dating. Places of employment, volunteering women will never approach or engage

I'm gay so it's a bit different but I understand the struggle. I've been single years I've become so depressed from loneliness and abandonment. Dating apps are all hook up and polyamory culture now. I'm Christian and want just 1 girlfriend. My church doesn't really have other gay single women.

If you want my advice, and you probably don't, it would be to forget about dating.

Instead concentrate on what interests you and makes you happy and then find a way to do that in an environment where you're likely to meet people who are similarly inclined.

And if you don't have such interests, then develop some.

People who are engaged and interested and doing what they like are attractive. There aren't many rules, but that's one.

And if you want a suggestion, I'd say join a drama group. Every drama group I see is about 90% female. It's a scenario where you all have to make yourselves vulnerable, so there's plenty of opportunity to build trust. You're all working towards a common goal, a production of some sort - that gives you a shared interest and some emotional investment.

To be clear: I'm NOT saying go join a drama group and make a pest of yourself sharking for women. I'm saying get genuinely interested in drama (or something else, there are a million things) and get some involvement going.

I reckon you'll do better than obsessing about finding a partner through dating.

I will tell you what ultimately worked for me, although I can't guarantee it would work in this day and age. But I will preface this by saying that before the events I am about to recount, I had a couple of serious relationships (both with women I believe to have been on the autism spectrum but undiagnosed) and several situationships, at least 3 of which happened because the women in question (one 6 years older but the other 2 my age or younger) basically wanted sex, weren't getting any, and saw me as a safe but reasonably attractive person to take care of that "problem" for them (*). So I had prior experience of women being physically attracted to me and desiring me as a partner.

So I became aware of somebody in the community where I was living, that wanted to start a club for singles in their 20s and 30s (I was around 30 at the time). I reached out to him, and so the group (I can't recall how many members) met, and we decided on an organizational "mission" so to speak which was that we hosted events every month that singles under 40 could attend with the express purpose of meeting potential partners. So you had the understanding up front that anybody who showed up to one of those was single and could be approached (which is a HUGE advantage to that sort of situation, in my opinion).

This is how I met my wife, who came to one of these events after a talk with her therapist. But I should also add that before meeting her, I had a situationship with somebody who came to an earlier one of these events, but I eventually ghosted her because of things I couldn't handle (in retrospect I am now almost % certain she had Borderline Personality Disorder).

One of the other organizing members also took a shine to me at one point, totally unexpected, as I hadn't felt any "chemistry" from her, but she made a move (**). She was a conventionally attractive woman and probably had some decent "bedroom experience" but I had to turn her down for "cultural" reasons (I explained this to her and she totally agreed with my reasoning, it's an interesting story but I'll avoid going into detail for now).

As an aside, around the same time, I had started working out. I was swimming laps and doing circuit weight training, and I definitely noticed a change in how women reacted to me after I got into shape (not ripped exactly, just "in shape") and this is something I would recommend to anyone.

As for whether this approach would work nowadays, I really don't know, but I can see a possibility. Anyone who wants to try has my blessing. I didn't know any of the other people in the organizing committee of the 20s/30s before going to the first meeting. But I don't see why it couldn't. Many people both male and female are getting fed up with "dating apps" and I have seen evidence on the internet that there could be interest in this kind of thing.

Speaking of attractiveness though, if you have genuine reason to think you are of average or below attractiveness, then if you were to go to a mixer like this, maybe you should intentionally look for the women who might think themselves "invisible" and give them some attention. You may be just what they came there looking for.

(*) I think the existence of "hook-up" apps means that a young guy like I was at the time would possibly never have those experiences. I feel bad about that.
(**) I can't help wondering if maybe she was on the autism spectrum but because of her "conventionally attractive" appearance and thick Eastern Tennessee accent this wasn't noticeable. From appearance, I would say she probably seemed the least likely member to have gotten involved in that sort of club.