Embarrassed by compulsive writing and other things

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I wrote on a bookshelf when I was having a difficult time. It embarrasses me now. It's honestly just a mix of random song lyrics and things I came up with. I thought it was something I had to write. It's all about angels and stuff. I drew symbols too. Its still there. I don't want people to see it. I'm worried they will. I've tried to get rid of it. I thought I was having the time of my life when I wrote it. That happens to me sometimes. I write things thinking I need to and I feel so good. Then I realize it makes no sense afterwards.

I've also thought I was fluent in another language once. I thought it was a spiritual thing. My family was concerned. I used to do it at night. Id shower with a cross that was for a necklace, and I started not brushing my teeth because " I didn't have to" as people in the biblical age "didnt have to". My sister caught me saying that and got a bit upset. Shed get upset when I would go into monologues when no one was there to hear them. It was all about "spiritual things". Started trying to create a religion, and learning ancient languages.

Now I feel weird about it. Lately I just dont dabble in religion, and I don't dabble in anything occult as that lead to me thinking I needed to perform exorcisms on myself. I also cannot do anything hypnosis because I used to do those and it also lead to me thinking I need ed an exorcism. Also started thinking I was letting entities go in me to rearrarange my thoughts. I embarrassed myself with it as I told some people and they started laughing and joking about it. They even tried to call the phone numbers I said I'd called to get to the entities. Anyways, I'm glad I'm not experiencing that. But I wish I hadn't told people. Also got laughed at in a Christian forum. I also learned I shouldn't drink because once I started thinking I was talking to the devil and Jesus for half an hour. It made people concerned.

It sounds like you’re very creative! Do you ever journal? I wonder if having paper journals/tablets in a few different spots would help with the issue of compulsively writing in places you’ll regret.

I feel like this probably isn’t a very helpful response, but I wanted to say something anyway. The people who laughed at you are the ones who should feel embarrassed. That’s really not cool, and I’m sorry you experienced it. I think people whose opinion matters would be understanding and compassionate about different things you’re dealing with. That’s just my 2 cents.