Advice with emotions

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I wasn't really sure what else to call this post, but I want some insight into two things regarding my emotions. First off, I was talking to my family about when we had to put our dog down 2 years ago. Then, I started to tear up and quickly changed the subject. I'm trying to figure out why this still makes me sad when I think of it. I know it's a sad event and everyone grieves differently, but it's been 2 years and I've already cried a lot over it when it happened. Could it be that I haven't fully processed it?

The second thing happened today at my school. 2 girls that I talk to every day while supervising the lunch block informed me they were no longer friends because one of the girls went up to the other and said "I don't want to be your friend anymore because you keep trying to change me into someone I'm not and I don't like your attitude." This had been a 3+ year friendship and the poor girl who got "dumped" was in tears asking me to bring her to the school social worker, who was unavailable at the time. I tried to intervene as best I could, but ended up laughing nervously and avoiding eye contact with the poor girl who was beginning to bawl her eyes out. When both girls said they didn't want to talk anymore about it with me, I allowed the sad girl to ask the assistant principal to locate the social worker. It was then I saw both girls sitting with the assistant principal, having a meeting about what happened to their friendship. I think the way I reacted was due to being on the spectrum. I wanted to put my arm around the crying girl, rub her back for a moment and offer her a hug, but I didn't. I don't know why, but I just didn't.

However, I was worried about her because I've been in her situation before where someone said they didn't want to be my friend because they had a new friend and refused to give me a reason. I was truly devastated and deeply depressed for months afterwards. It was one of the many reasons I had attempted suicide back when I did. Thankfully I have a nice social worker myself to talk to who keeps me going strong and I feel much better now than before. I haven't been suicidal in months, but I still go to counseling bi-weekly for 45 minutes just to keep me on the straight and narrow. The only thing is, whenever I try to get into something sad or annoying, he always redirects the conversation by asking me if I'm going to the Y to swim or how my family's doing. That can sometimes be frustrating, but he's a nice man.

Anyway, thanks for reading and any insight or advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated.

I don't know that I have any advice. Our emotions are what they are, and we can't always control how we express them or how they make us feel or react. You still have strong feelings about the loss of your dog, and that's okay. You're allowed to feel that way. Maybe you'd rather have it more under control instead, but I'm not sure how to do that.

With the girls at your school, I think I would have reacted similarly because I would have been too uncomfortable to put my arm around the girl to try to comfort her. Maybe you could have done better but you did what you could and what you were able to do.

You don't require unprocessed grief to burst into tears at the thought of a missing pet, loved one or friend. Sometimes the circumstances just trigger it regardless.
You should feel some comfort from the mere fact you can empathise with a dumped student. Some of us have brains that just process input differently and a memory of being in a similar situation may not be what comes to mind. You may not have acted upon it but you at least thought of an appropriate comforting when there are those that wouldn't have.
I don't think you need to dwell on perceived shortcomings...your caring seems evident and practise will improve your expression of it.
Emotional control? Sounds like you're doing ok to me.

In the documentary Showa (about the Holocaust) a man was interviewed who was a barber. He was used in one of the camps as a sort of schill to trick new arrivals into thinking that they were arriving at a normal relocation camp. As he described the working of the camp that processed people into the gas chambers, he was pretty calm. However, when he recalled encountering a woman from his village, he started to break down. I think that we all have a point at which our emotions can be isolated from being touched and a point at which they are triggered.

I think that a boundary is when something is personal. I think that this also applies when we see an injustice that we can identify with (read ourselves into) it also can become personal. Perhaps one reason people with Aspergers can be seen as cold and uncaring is that we don't always read ourselves into every situation.

Losing a beloved pet is something that many people never fully get over. I know that I never did. That's pretty normal. Also, as Autistics, we feel our emotions much more deeply than non Autistic people do and we also have delayed emotional processing which means we could be processing emotional events for decades or even over our entire lives.

About laughing inappropriately, that is a well documented Autistic trait. I don't think anyone actually knows why that happens but it does and it's involuntary. It has happened to me as well. Unfortunately, people don't understand so it can really hurt them. But explaining to the person how you really feel and explaining to them that you are Autistic and this is literally a nervous neurological involuntary response really helps.

So sorry about your dog.

I have also been abandoned by very close people for no reason. I know that pain and that grief. It is unimaginably painful. I know that that is a pain that I will never be able to overcome. Big hug to you.