Why do NTs, even caregivers, sometimes mistake asd...

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Why do NTs, even caregivers, sometimes mistake asd symptoms with attention seeking behavior? For example, meltdowns, etc.

Because people with ASD are also capable of engaging in attention-seeking and/or other manipulative behaviours and that some of the behaviours that typically get misattributed to attention-seeking are undeniably attention-demanding.

Just because as a cohort we tend to have lower thresholds for legitimately being unable to inhibit meltdowns doesn't mean that we're also completely incapable of engaging in or conceiving of social manipulation. If a caretaker believes they've seen a pattern suggestive of manipulative behaviour they're likely to consider that as potentially at the root of repeated demand avoidance or meltdowns or many other behaviours that are common with ASD.

So, both they're identifying the pattern in the way that makes most sense to their own minds (as they struggle to consider the autist's experience) but also, they might not be wrong as even people who are very unsophisticated with social manipulation can still engage in it.

Most of which is that they cannot perceive nor comprehend the source of distress that lead to those behaviors.

Thus assume that it's attention seeking. Because that's what generally they think they'd intend to do if they themselves do the same behaviors.

Basically projection mistaken for being empathy.
Because they cannot understand, they assume.

Obviously, there exists people who gets it.
But that's not common nor often naturally occurring.

The rest is simply this human limit and flaws.
Themselves being too busy, coping with crap, themselves doing another form of projection that is "we" are "allowed" to do such act when "they" are "not allowed to".
It could very much be plain old ignorance.
It could be the privilege of not having the need to know.


Not that autistics are incapable of attention seeking behaviors.
But what are the odds an NT's judgement over something they cannot understand is correct?

In which people judges themselves through intent.
In which people judges other people by their actions and behaviors.

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There's a very fine line between an autistic meltdown because of an unexpected change in routine, and a spoiled brat throwing a tantrum cos they didn't get what they wanted. In both cases, the individual is faced with something undesirable, and lashing out in a counter-productive manner. In either case, the result isn't exactly an acceptable response.

It's also neither unlikely nor uncommon for a meltdown to become attention-seeking-behavior over time, as the individual learns that having a meltdown results in more favorable outcomes, such as being given what they wanted, or being otherwise appeased in some manner.

While many autistics like to portray themselves as too innocent or too unskilled to pull off manipulation tactics, the reality is, screaming in order to get your needs and wants met is literally the first form of communication we develop as babies. It hardly takes a criminal mastermind to figure out that screaming loud enough will often times get you what you want.

Sympathy. I lack sympathy, not empathy.

I know what a meltdown is, I've had more than a few myself.

I'm not saying the autistic individual fakes them as a means to manipulate - I'm saying that over time, they can get used to getting what they want as a result of having one, and that as a consequence, rather than getting used to things going wrong and learning to deal with life better, they simply expect to be placated, and only get worse if they don't get what they expected.

I've known more than my share of people with (diagnoses a la carte) who both had real problems, but also used their problems as a foil to manipulate situations when it suited them. I deal with every case on an individual basis, but this is part of my opinion, none the less.

I don't agree that having meltdowns teaches Autistic people to engage in attention seeking temper tantrums. That would be like saying that having seizures teaches epileptics to engage in attention seeking temper tantrums.

I have been ignored many times when having shutdowns by people assuming I am either drunk or going down to the floor on purpose as if I was trying to get attention. If they knew what a shutdown was like and how one felt for the rest of the day after it... (E.g. shutdown daze where one has to take it easy to avoid repeated shutdowns, and one really needs to go back home to go to relax and do nothing to avoid repeat shutdowns...)
And meltdowns are something I can only really remember having at home as it built up and up and up during several days of stress in work, or in college or school... Always happened at night when it was dark in the winter and I felt claustrophobic on top of it. (If I could nip out into the countryside where I lived and be alone and just look at the distant views I would not get them. It was the dark early winters that I was vunerable to these stress build ups, and also in work, it was the highest stress before Christmas imaginable! (Getting bicycles PDI's and ready... Getting orders in... Fulfilling promises....))
But shutdowns I had all year round and triggers can come from a few directions.
One winters day I was in a country town in the cold still weather (It was nice enough as was about lunchtime or in the very early afternoon so I was happy enough) and on the very old narrow street I was on which was wide enough for a single bicycle (No car could go down there) that I was coming out of, I came to the corner and this lady who was probably in her mid 30's or thereabouts passed me who was so plastered with perfume that it nearly killed me on the spot! (How can ANYONE live with such a strong scent? How is it possible?) Certain smells trigger shutdowns for me and that was one of them. All I could do was try and hold onto a wall of a building and stagger into the wider strest ahead and hope I didn't fall in front of a passing car! To others, they may have watched me stagger out from that narrow side street and thought I was drunk.
It is embarissing as I don't think I have ever been more than tipsy in my life through alcohol as I rarely bother with it. I have never wanted to drink because the thought of having a shutdown AND being drunk is enough to put ANYONE off even trying to drink! I have never in my life experienced a hangover as I never took it more than a glass of wine or a mug of strong shandy mixed with lemonade. (In the days before lemonade and shandy had artificial sweetners so I could drink it).

But also, if I go ill and throw up, I go unconcious and need someone to clear my throat so I can breathe, which is another reason I don't drink alcoholic drinks. So to suggest I am drunk when I get a shutdown makes no sense, because if they knew me or if someone ever breathalized me, they would know I have no alcohol in my system...

Just because someone staggers and ends up on the floor unable to move, does not mean that the person is drunk.

THE GOOD THING IS, that I need to be left alone if I shut down so I can recover, and around 99 times out of 100 I am left alone when people assume that I am drunk. Because I dress for comfort in older clothes, people also assume I do it because I am some sort of down and out or I spend my money on alcohol so they walk by and leave me alone if they see me on the floor, which actually makes me concerned for real alcoholics who may genuinely need help?
The number one cause of alcohol related deaths in the area where I used to live was people getting drunk, falling to sleep on benches in the winter without wearing coats, freezing solid and waking up dead in the morning!
I used to say to both men and women on my trains going on nights out in the winter in jeans and tee shirts or bakinis (Whatever the women were wearing? It wasn't much!) to bring a coat, but they said the night clubs were warm and that if they did bring one and hung it up, someone would steal it... BUT this is about LIFE! If you fall asleep on a bench while drunk in the cold winter you could wake up dead in the morning!
It happened to a lady I spoke to on the train after her son had dued due to this. She wanted to raise awareness and the press just didn't want to know. So many dead in the morning and the press didn't think it was important enough to write about it which is sad!

Anyway... I am going off topic a but and amtrying to remember what the topic was...

My guess: it's because people are good at misconstruing things and assuming what they have no right to assume. Even if they had science degrees they might well not bother to use critical thinking to figure out the difference between what they know and what they don't know. And many people have such inflated egos that they need to believe others are "just being awkward" or whatever, to reinforce their sense of their own relative importance. Plus, in this rushed, workaday world, most people don't have the time to do things properly. So if you behave in any way that looks a little bit like attention seeking, as far as they're concerned you're an attention seeker.

The OPs question was "why do NTs...", and my answer is in reference to "why NTs". Externally, there's very little visible difference. Even from a position of understanding, there are still certain realities about the behavior.

The world will not always be willing, or even able, to accommodate others in every way possible or desired, even if it wanted to. It is up to every individual to take an active role in their own growth, and find ways to manage themselves to the best of their ability, because the mercy of other people may not always be available as safety net.

I think sometimes NTs mistake some sorts of autistic meltdowns for attention seeking, because some autistic people are so loud and seemingly dramatic when having meltdowns.

Being dramatic in general seems to be something that is interpreted as attention seeking, even if the drama is unintentional on behalf of the autistic person - it might be seen as intentional by NTs.

Sort of like "hey, look at me, I'm disrupting everything and everyone around me with my autistic meltdown".

Caregiving can be very difficult work. Often, it is necessary to push through fatigue and assist someone.

As far as the overall topic, NOT people in this thread, is concerned, I think that behavior can be attention-seeking sometimes although it’s not good to automatically assume that. IMO, society, in this context, is often too dismissive of attention-seeking behavior. For instance, people often say that someone is “just” doing something for attention, but sometimes that’s what they genuinely need; they just might not be very good at initiating healthy interactions with people and are sticking with what has worked in the past - whether consciously or unconsciously. Perhaps, if one is a caregiver, helping individuals find more social opportunities and/or therapy could reduce the behavior.

Of course, I’m more familiar with the behavior in children, so I might be missing the mark.

I think people to a large extent project their own motives on other people. Narcissistic people think other people are attention seeking, violent people think other people are aggressive, dishonest people suspect others of lying, selfish people think their are selfish motives behind a behaviour etc. Hence the saying: "Don't b*llshit a bullshitter!"

I agree projection can be a factor. Sometimes the misconstruction may be innocent too. But I think if only people didn't jump to conclusions, there'd be less of a problem. It's hard to misconstrue anything if theories are owned as theories instead of being touted as facts.