Reality Checks and not believing people fully

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I have struggles with thinking I'm under surveillance. I ask other people sometimes, yet don't fully believe them. It's frustrating. It's like fog honestly. I cannot see clearly sometimes. It's frustrating and embarrassing. I'll get repetitive and keep asking. I end up apologizing. It sometimes involves thinking I'm being stalked, watched by neighbours etc. Im feeling like some are starting to think I'm weird. I go outside and pick up pieces of random garbage sometimes thinking it's being left for me.

I'll think scam calls I don't pick up are a stalker. People have started getting concerned. They tell me not to go down that rabbit hole. Sometimes it turns into anger and I start swearing or panicking in frustration. It's embarrassing. I start to read into things way too much.

Honestly Im a little worried about my writing tbh. I wrote over 75 poems and things in under a month. Now I'm starting to think it's not rooted in reality as I started reading some of it. It didn't make much sense. But I am a bit scared to tell people. I don't want to be embarrassed. I am writing for fun though.

It is a relief for me to read about someone else struggling with this issue. Thank you so much for posting this!
I feel people, ANYONE, neighbors, other shoppers, people miles away with a telescope, are watching me. I cannot feel 'at home' in my own yard even though I live quite far out in the country.
It is exhausting to be on alert 24/7 (unless I am at home with every single curtain closed but even then I am paranoid that the neighbor might have installed a spy cam inside this house before I purchased it last year.)
I make sure I 'act right' at all times because someone might be watching me. It's awful.

I do quite a bit of self-talk when these things arise. I have a conversation with myself as if I were sitting on the sofa AND sitting on the opposite chair. I never 'talk' with anyone else in my head this way because I am the only one who knows the real me! It helps to hear me say that I am safe, that what I am currently going through is my old inner self being hyper alert from past experiences. I thank that old inner me for trying to keep me safe then remind her that we are in a totally different situation, time, and place now and those old fears do not apply. I have to do this over and over and over again when each incident happens but at least it is a good comfort and perhaps with practice of this sort, my paranoia will lessen.

wishing you all the best....