Unable to drive due to a dog attack that has affected my arm/hand. I had to take the local medical transport to the hospital in the next state (USA) for further assessment of the damage. Long ride. Too much chatter coming from the front seat occupants. Too many 'bad stories' instantly springing to mind as I look out the window and see the damaged world flying by.
So I closed my eyes to do whatever sort of meditation I could.
My 'wild mind' came instantly to my rescue. I am always amazed and very very grateful that my brain produces temporary realities for me to enjoy. This time the visions were as follows:
I removed a marble from my pocket (probably came to mind because I found one in the driveway recently and stuck it in my pocket) and thought it should 'go in some sort of container' at which point a massive shallow pottery bowl the size of an average kitchen appeared. I put the marble (all white, dull) at the edge of the bowl and for the next few minutes watched it roll from one side to the other, up, down, across, wobbly, the whole bit as it progressively lost momentum and finally landed with a tiny wobble in a little 'flaw' dent at the right-hand bottom of the bowl. My brain produced all of this 'without asking!'
I 'saw' the energy still zinging within the marble after its dynamic ride and waited for quite some time before I sensed that it had calmed to zero. Then I watched as it began a transformation from within. I saw at the very core of it something began that was akin to the transformation of a caterpillar when it is destined to become a butterfly. This dissolving of the old and forming of the new came layer by layer until I saw it complete the outer layer which itself began to open up. Now the transformation went the other way, from outside to in, as things began to sprout up from each layer until there was a massive multi-leaved enormous compact plant the likes of which I've never seen.
At this point many minutes had gone by and something in my PTSD brain warned me that I had not been paying attention to my surroundings and that I might actually be in danger. Miraculously, I was able to shut that voice down and continue with my visualization.
I watched as many stems grew up from the plant and one produced a bud that I assumed was to be a flower but to my surprise, when it swelled, instead of a flower, a fat bumblebee emerged and flew away. I was instantly given the bee's view as it flew and with it I rose above the earth and at that point my driver swerved on the snowy icy road and that was too much for my PTSD brain and I came back into the car for the rest of the journey to the hospital.
Although I have always appreciated my imagination and its power to distract me during a violent childhood and the very difficult life afterwards, I have also felt deep anger towards it when it produces truly traumatic 'videos' or images that cause me great pain. In this instance, however, my gratitude at my 'wild mind' was profound.
Thanks for listening
Yesterday, 8:01 am
