How do I take things less personally?

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Hello all,

I am looking for advice on how to take things that people say less personally.

Since I am Autistic and also have a chronic illness, I constantly receive criticism and judgment that is rooted in false beliefs. People seem to think that I am holding back or just not trying at all, whereas in reality I am fighting to metamorphically keep my head above water.

I have given up on trying to explain myself to other people who are not willing to listen or entertain my point of view.

So here is my question, how do I take these incredibly hurtful misjudgments less personally? I need to find a way to not let things get to me so easily.


I'm interested in reading everyone's thoughts on this.

Thanks,

CFL

look into self assertive communication. See the self assertive bill of rights by Manuel J Smith in the book "when I say NO I feel guilty. Its available in used book stores/online venues or on line as a pdf, also on youtube. (book is out of print) among the things listed is the fact that we don't have to have anybody's approval to live our lives and make our own choices. "shoulds" "ought to" "supposed to" are all somebody elses agenda for what they want us to do, so look for those flag words and recognize those shaming, blaming, accusing voices are all somebody else's ideas and their "opinions" can be overlooked and politely dismissed with "thank you" as you move on and do exactly what YOU choose to do, when and how you do it. They can think/ believe whatever they want, but they have no power to make choices for you unless you allow it to happen. The book helped me find ways to verbally defend myself from the aggression and pressure from others. It helped me recognize when I was being intimidated, bullied, abused, pressured, etc, helped me find new healthy ways to say NO, set boundaries and enforce them, and how to make healthier decisions without giving in to pressure (people pleasing) which had been the total of the ways I interacted with any human. I did not know I could make choices in any interaction with another person , I had only been trained to please and appease. I could not do it on my own due to autistic rigid thinking, I had to have an outsider/therapist explain it to me. Today I have better tools than just appeasement. You don't have to figure this out on your own, ask a therapist to help you learn healthy self assertive communication . I got help at 30 years of age and it has worked well for me for the past 40 years. This book truly did save my life and sanity. Hope you find something that works for you.

Dealing with criticism is tough, but DBT, especially radical acceptance, helps. I remind myself I can’t control others’ opinions, only my response. Radical acceptance means acknowledging their judgment without agreeing or trying to change their minds.

I validate myself by saying, “I know my reality and I’m doing my best,” instead of relying on others. When criticism hurts, I pause, breathe, and remind myself, “This will pass.”

I set boundaries, like saying, “Thanks for your input, but I’ll handle it my way,” and focus on activities or people that uplift me. It’s about letting go of what I can’t control and protecting my peace.