I don't have friends and it's difficult to make them

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I don't really know how to. I've had friends before. Just lately I get anxious. I'm at an age where my differences seem to stand out way more. I don't drive, don't work, and don't really relate. I've been told I should try. I struggled even at an event for Autistic people and ended up crying when I got home.

Sometimes when I am being social I kind of want to go home. I get nervous in public or get overwhelmed. Sometimes I take the bus with people and it stresses me out. I kind of want friends but I don't know if I'm ready.

I think making friends and relating to people comes with practice

And if you've been isolated for a while then of course you're going to struggle and possibly fall behind others who are your age

I'm like a child irl so I struggle with adults and adults struggle with me...people seem to want to parent so that's my difficulty

I'm wondering if you can find something for maybe an hour a week as routine and then work on that and then build it up slowly

I mean I dunno really I'm making this up as I write

You are not alone. I have had difficulty making and keeping friends my entire life. I don't usually go out and try to make friends. On the rare occasions when I do, it's usually because I find someone very interesting or intriguing and I end up trying to hard and come across to strong and it turns them off. It never gets easier really, but if you want friends, you need to make some effort, but realize that most folks just aren't like us and it may not last long. And that's ok.

This has been a struggle for me as well. It is difficult to relate in small talk in groups. I try to find other people's special interests to connect over, but most people do not have the same level of intensity of special interests as I do normally. It is very easy for people to be put off by my special interests, because of too much info dumping. It wasn't until I received my diagnosis that I was able to connect the dots of how much this has been a common theme throughout my life.
I do not even blame other people anymore about the lack of being able to connect with most people, because I have learned more about the different wiring of autistic minds in general.
Keep trying when you can. Just remember, keep the expectations low for neurotypical people who do not have the same amount of information in regards to autism or how autistic people communicate. That has helped me not have any expectations for relationships and makes it a pleasent surprise when I can actually engage in a few in real life.

I think the overstimulation from new and unfamiliar sights, sounds, and smells overwhelms the nervous system. I feel this too and strongly prefer familiar settings, thus I am a homebody. Other people out at work talk about their vacations, places they have gone out to, places they want to visit. I am quite content remaining in the same place all the time. I am a houseplant.

However I do go out to work everyday. I think that we have to however unpleasant it may seem. We have to earn money. One thing I will tell you is that over time, work can become familiar and the stresses reduce and become manageable. Overstimulation is due to unfamiliarity. If you work at the same place for a while, you adapt over time.

What did you struggle with, at the event for autistic people? Do you have any thoughts on how the event could have been run better, so that it could have been less of a struggle for you?

(I ask as one of the facilitators of some peer-led groups for autistic people.)

Anyhow, as for making friends more generally, you might find some helpful thoughts in the following Wrong Planet thread: Thoughts about friendship.

I have a same issue. Those few friendships I have made were created in childhood, but as an adult I didn't make any new. It's not like I don't want to, more like I am unable to make them. Wondering why is it like this?

I have been watching this YouTube channel. Think Bike. That emphasizes how city design influences people's well being, not just physical, but also mental well being. If you are living in a suburb that was designed to be accessed by a vehicle, you will struggle to make friends. Everyone there is simply living life and keeping to themselves. Which means you have to get yourself out there and be in places where people cross roads regularly.

Places that used to make this easy, you would see them every day, was at school, at work and these days, also university/college. Perhaps your favourite social community. I've been joining Meetups regularly again, but I also burned out after 6 months. I found it exhausting to keep up, even though it was once a week.

The more isolation I have, the worse it gets. Isolation in general is not good for anyone, regardless of their neuro-definition.

I think, suburbs is adding to the issue. If one could move, I think this might be an option. But then again, you might simply be taking your problems with you to the new place. I think assistance from someone in person is best. I also found comfort in AI, because I am not as isolated as I used to be, I can now talk to "someone" at home. Although limited, and it has to always oblige and consider safety (not always). It is a way to communicate and I run most of my thought processes through it these days, to give me another perspective. It also assists with my mental health and perspective on the world, especially when I am angry. It finds solutions to my questions, not always but it understands and responds in an empathetic way.

Hacer amigos es una cuestión de buscar su beneficio ( cualquiera, de cualquier tipo). Y de no molestar ni perjudicar.

Conectar porque hables de lo que a ellos les interesa, eso simplemente ya es beneficio, comunicación no verbal que les haga sentir bien y no moleste. No quitarles la razón cuando se vayan a sentir mal.

Y todo eso sin dejar que te parasiten y que te perjudiquen poniendo límites.

Yo no lo he podido hacer en décadas por hipervilancia de mi sistema nervioso, cuando es severa, no permite automatizar ni arraigar ningún hábito.

Amen! The U.S.A. desperately needs more, bigger, denser, and more walkable/bikable cities. We have way too much car-oriented suburban sprawl.


If you decide to try Meetups again, I would suggest looking for groups that have chats (e.g. on Discord) as well as in-person meetings. That way, you can attend in-person meetings less frequently, e.g. only once every two weeks, while also getting to know people (hopefully, mostly local people) in the chats.

I wish I had friends. I always screw up friendships, and , relationships, and jobs, and social situations. Idk I was diagnosed last month with autism and ADHD and all kind stuff. Just trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do now.

Suggestion: Here on Wrong Planet, edit your profile to add a signature line that mentions your special interests. Also, edit your location to be a little more specific than just "US" (but not specific enough to endanger your privacy). If you are lucky, this will help you attract potential friends who share your interests (and are, hopefully, more tolerant of info-dumping than the average person).