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As long as they are alive, don't lose hope

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skibum
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Yesterday, 11:33 am

After nearly 60 years, my 87 year old father has finally begun to acknowledge and understand my disabilities. Two of my disabilities, I was born with and one of them I developed at the age of ten. All of my life, even to this day, for just short of six decades, my parents and family always treated me in such abusive ways, not because they wanted to be abusive but because they never saw my disabilities even though the signs and symptoms were blaring like bright neon lights. They were always in denial thinking that all of my disability issues were me just "causing problems" and "bad behavior." That tortured me as a child and even well into my adulthood by constantly gas lighting me, invalidating me, and disciplining me for being disabled. It's only in the past couple of days that my father has actually taken the time to listen to me and he has started looking up my disabilities on the internet himself to understand them further. He has apologized profusely for how he treated me in the past and has pledged to help me as much as he is able now. I was able to forgive him completely and the weight that that has lifted is incredible. We are now able to become very close. I am sorry that this has happened so late and at the near end of his life but even so, I am so happy that it has happened. When he does pass, we will be close with nothing between us.

Now, my mom, on the other hand, she is as stubborn as the day is long so I don't know if she will ever come around. But my dad is working on her trying to get her to understand. I just pray that she can also have a breakthrough like he did. I wanted to share this with you guys because as long as the people in our lives are alive, there is always hope for them to change and to begin to understand us. It took my dad over half a century but better late than never. I am so looking forward to the rest of our relationship and even if it might not be long it will certainly be precious. I am very grateful.


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Yesterday, 11:47 am

Wonderful news! And I hope your father has some success with your mother.


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skibum
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Yesterday, 11:29 pm

Thank you so much :heart:


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Edna3362
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Today, 12:47 am

I experienced all of this...

... 17 years ago.


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Today, 3:51 am

skibum wrote:
After nearly 60 years, my 87 year old father has finally begun to acknowledge and understand my disabilities. Two of my disabilities, I was born with and one of them I developed at the age of ten. All of my life, even to this day, for just short of six decades, my parents and family always treated me in such abusive ways, not because they wanted to be abusive but because they never saw my disabilities even though the signs and symptoms were blaring like bright neon lights. They were always in denial thinking that all of my disability issues were me just "causing problems" and "bad behavior." That tortured me as a child and even well into my adulthood by constantly gas lighting me, invalidating me, and disciplining me for being disabled. It's only in the past couple of days that my father has actually taken the time to listen to me and he has started looking up my disabilities on the internet himself to understand them further. He has apologized profusely for how he treated me in the past and has pledged to help me as much as he is able now. I was able to forgive him completely and the weight that that has lifted is incredible. We are now able to become very close. I am sorry that this has happened so late and at the near end of his life but even so, I am so happy that it has happened. When he does pass, we will be close with nothing between us.

Now, my mom, on the other hand, she is as stubborn as the day is long so I don't know if she will ever come around. But my dad is working on her trying to get her to understand. I just pray that she can also have a breakthrough like he did. I wanted to share this with you guys because as long as the people in our lives are alive, there is always hope for them to change and to begin to understand us. It took my dad over half a century but better late than never. I am so looking forward to the rest of our relationship and even if it might not be long it will certainly be precious. I am very grateful.


When people get old, sometimes they mellow out. They see Death hanging out by the front door, it gives them perspective. It's kind of a shocker to accept that everything you have will belong to someone else. And you yourself be gone and forgotten. I think about such things from time to time.

I think your father is wise to accept things now.


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skibum
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Today, 7:42 am

Edna3362 wrote:
I experienced all of this...

... 17 years ago.
That is so awesome!


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skibum
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Today, 7:49 am

Gentleman Argentum wrote:
skibum wrote:
After nearly 60 years, my 87 year old father has finally begun to acknowledge and understand my disabilities. Two of my disabilities, I was born with and one of them I developed at the age of ten. All of my life, even to this day, for just short of six decades, my parents and family always treated me in such abusive ways, not because they wanted to be abusive but because they never saw my disabilities even though the signs and symptoms were blaring like bright neon lights. They were always in denial thinking that all of my disability issues were me just "causing problems" and "bad behavior." That tortured me as a child and even well into my adulthood by constantly gas lighting me, invalidating me, and disciplining me for being disabled. It's only in the past couple of days that my father has actually taken the time to listen to me and he has started looking up my disabilities on the internet himself to understand them further. He has apologized profusely for how he treated me in the past and has pledged to help me as much as he is able now. I was able to forgive him completely and the weight that that has lifted is incredible. We are now able to become very close. I am sorry that this has happened so late and at the near end of his life but even so, I am so happy that it has happened. When he does pass, we will be close with nothing between us.

Now, my mom, on the other hand, she is as stubborn as the day is long so I don't know if she will ever come around. But my dad is working on her trying to get her to understand. I just pray that she can also have a breakthrough like he did. I wanted to share this with you guys because as long as the people in our lives are alive, there is always hope for them to change and to begin to understand us. It took my dad over half a century but better late than never. I am so looking forward to the rest of our relationship and even if it might not be long it will certainly be precious. I am very grateful.


When people get old, sometimes they mellow out. They see Death hanging out by the front door, it gives them perspective. It's kind of a shocker to accept that everything you have will belong to someone else. And you yourself be gone and forgotten. I think about such things from time to time.

I think your father is wise to accept things now.
You are right about what you say. My father is an amazing man. Even though he made a lot of mistakes, I am so grateful that he is my father. Sometimes it's really easy for us as children to see the parts of our parents that are not good. It can be hard because when we are really young we don't see them as people but as kind of super heroes and that is sometimes what we expect them to be. But the more mature I get, the more human I realize that they are and the more I see the great characteristics my parents have. I remember the first time I started to see my mom as a regular person was several years ago when she told me that when she knew who the Rolling Stones were! :lol: I realized at that point, that just like everyone else, she had a whole life before we existed. Her sister was boyband crazy about the Beatles. They were very much like everyone else. It really changes your whole understanding when you see your parents not as just your parents but as actual people. :D


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"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph