How to force myself to stop obsessing over marriage and...

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No, for most of human existence, people have been put together without love ahead of time. We more or less evolved to bond to people that we didn't necessarily have a connection to previously.

Money is a common aspect of just about every part of a marriage. A large part of why I'm getting divorced is that she refuses to work, refuses to stop throwing my stuff away and refuses to cut back on her spending to something affordable. If it weren't for money, I could just lock my important stuff elsewhere and it wouldn't be an issue.

The thing is that the marriage could have worked, it's just incredibly stressful being married to somebody whose understanding of the world ranges from appropriate for a toddler to appropriate for somebody in their early 20s and refuses to accept accommodations to prevent issues related to the disability. But, with a decent income it probably wouldn't be a major issue. I just can't afford to treat most of the things I buy as disposable as a bunch of it is self-care related.

Maybe this will make me slow down on the whole "marriage" thing...

From the website:

"Marriage, often seen as a bond of love and commitment can also be fraught with moments of intense suffering"

"From chronic illnesses to affairs from mid-life crises to depression, couples face numerous challenges that test the very fabric of their relationship"

Does that mean all the marriages of my friends and neighbors will fall apart and ultimately end in divorce?

Am I absolutely SURE I am truly ready for this?!?

No, no it does not.

The fact that there's a lot of issues that can come up and lead to that result doesn't mean that result is guaranteed. All it means is that the stakes are high and not every couple is capable of navigating the stresses that come up during a marriage.

Some marriages end with the death of one or both partners, which indicates that some couples either succeed at navigating those stresses or manage to avoid them entirely.

Well the only possible ways a marriage could end is through death or divorce

My parents' marriage made it to "death do us part" but that is VERY rare these days!! !

Most people fall apart the moment conflict begins because they cannot handle it

Which is why a successful marriage requires both partners to learn how to navigate those issues when they arise.

Marriage is a test of both partners social skills. Both partners need to avoid doing what the other will find intolerable, while also learning to deal with what they consider tolerable, as well as to both set their own and respect their other's boundaries.

On top of that they need also run their own household, raise any offspring they produce and prepare for a post-working life.

It can be exceedingly difficult, but difficult is not synonymous with impossible.

The way I look at it, marriage is the game while dating/courting is the tutorial! !!

In that sense it is like you described a "test" or "experiment"

Looking at it that way kinda changes my perception of marriage...

A lot of our experiences test us as people, so to use the game analogy sometimes we're in the regular level, sometimes life throws a boss battle our way.

Some things we might do involve constant (or at least regular) tests of certain skills, even if they're also mundane. Living with other people, along with having very close friendships, along with being physically intimate with others all require social skills to navigate, since marriage typically involves all three it seems fair to suggest it regularly tests one's social skills, as well as their partner's.

Navigating those challenges when things aren't in crisis might be the regular level (including some tricky spots).
Navigating those challenges in the midst of crisis might be a boss battle.

Life doesn't usually give one a lot of opportunities to just coast and not experience struggles, even if the scale of those struggles might vary wildly through out life.

Hmm...what an interesting way to look at things...

Also, dating would be Easy Mode in a romantic relationship and marriage would be Hard Mode?

To continue the video-game analogy, if the marriage gets to be too much you can default back to "Easy Mode" (dating) at any time!

In games like the Yakuza series if you fail the boss fight a certain amount of times you will be given the option to temporarily lower the difficulty until you beat the boss

In a marriage or romantic relationship the same principles apply

And "restoring default settings" in the context of marriage means reverting back to how your marriage or relationship was in its original state

Or even going back to being single!

What do you guys think?