Found a woman I like HELP!! !!

Post Reply New Topic

Excuse me if I'm in the wrong place. I've never done anything like this before. I am currently married (for 34 years). I self diagnosed a few years ago as I reflected on my life and the reasons behind my relationships with people. Anyway I am currently trying to date a woman as my wife has encouraged me to find sex/intamacy elsewhere. The woman I am interested in want's to take it slow (ugggh) so it's been very hard for me to space out my visits to make her feel comfortable. I got to spend a little time with her the other day and tried to curtail my babbling about myself to a minimum. I do my best to pick up on her signals, but it's still in the very beginning stages. She is divorced so I don't know her story yet. In the past women have always come to me, I've never had to pursue a woman. To be clear I'm not very good at pursuing women, I guess I'm lucky that I'm good looking as I've relied on that for most of my life. After seeing this woman in town and trying to figure out a way to meet her I finally gave up and just knocked on her door. We had met previously over my backyard fence and I was so taken by her I forgot to introduce myself, 8 months later I finally got the nerve to knock on her door. OK, so I introduced myself and my desire to get to know her. I also told her exactly why I was there and my intentions. "I'm looking for what my wife cannot/will not give me" i.e. intimacy/touch/sex. (my wife was abused by her father and three previous husbands) but I made a promise to myself that I would take care of her (not let her be hurt again). But she can't give me what I need (she's damaged). So back to the "other woman". I asked her if what I was suggesting is something she could agree to. She agreed after we sorted out that we both own our own homes and do not want a "relationship" i.e. we don't want to live together but can deal with the friendship thing. This works out perfectly for me as I need my time to myself and apparently works for her to. Is there someone out there who has dealt with this and can shed some words of wisdom on how to nurse a new relationship. I'm on virgin ground here and could use some help.

I have no idea of your age group so don't know how to slant my response.
Edit... Having reread the OP a little interpolation puts you about the same age as me.
Changes nothing I subsequently wrote
In my case, I too have been given a hall pass, but it may as well be attached to a house brick and a toilet key. My reclusiveness, age and medical condition are all conspiring to prevent me from meeting anyone suitable. I am envious of your opportunity to even flirt, as I find that immensely enjoyable and I was surprisingly adept at negotiating that minefield as long as there's nobody else within earshot.(My kryptonite).
My first advice would be "make NO attempt to get into her pants" (which you've already buggered up, so gratz on still being in contention.)
My second would be "don't try to tempt her into your pants" that may come across as manipulation.
That leaves me with my baseline.
Let her light you up.
Present some visible feedback that you enjoy her company...that may mean re-learning how to smile.. respond to what she says and not just what you want her to have said.
I might pause and let the womenfolk inject something in here before I come across as a predator
But I will say... You got this man.
Nutting up and making the first move shows boldness, backing off in response to her concerns, shows care, and asking questions in here shows common sense.
Those three things will go a long way if you don't put your foot in it.