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How to force myself to stop obsessing over marriage and...

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TwilightPrincess
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25 Dec 2024, 7:13 pm

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:
Again it's as I said:

Dating is the tutorial and marriage is the actual game!

Except not all couples decide to get married. It doesn’t mean their relationship, however it’s defined by them, is merely a “tutorial.”


Okay what I said ONLY should apply to married and co-habitating couples

People who date for fun (without the goal of marriage or co-habitation) are on consistent "Easy mode" because they aren't working towards deeper commitment

Everyone else=Hard mode! ! !
There are lots of possibilities. Couples can be serious and committed to each other without any intention to marry or cohabit. It doesn’t mean they are on “easy mode.” If one of them gets seriously sick or grapples with loss or whatever life might throw at them, it’s likely going to be hard. It can be incredibly difficult seeing someone you love suffering. It’s not always easy to navigate challenging situations as a couple whether you live together or not.

I think relationships and feelings are too complex to describe in simplistic ways because there’s a lot of variation in terms of internal and external human experience.



Mikurotoro92
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25 Dec 2024, 7:41 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Except not all couples decide to get married. It doesn’t mean their relationship, however it’s defined by them, is merely a “tutorial.”

There are lots of possibilities. Couples can be serious and committed to each other without any intention to marry or cohabit. It doesn’t mean they are on “easy mode.” If one of them gets seriously sick or grapples with loss or whatever life might throw at them, it’s likely going to be hard. It can be incredibly difficult seeing someone you love suffering. It’s not always easy to navigate challenging situations as a couple whether you live together or not.

I think relationships and feelings are too complex to describe in simplistic ways because there’s a lot of variation in terms of internal and external human experience.


Relationships are hard no matter what, not just romantic or friendship but also familial

After all...what IS a "romantic relationship" but just advanced friendship?

Advanced friendship but with elements of romance like sex and intimacy and parenting (if you have kids)

That is why people marry their best friend because most romantic relationships are created from the foundation of friendship



Mikurotoro92
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26 Dec 2024, 8:29 pm

The friendship-first approach is usually successful

I think in order to truly understand marriage and all it entails I need to actually be around a married couple for a day and observe their daily life!

Fortunately for me there are no shortages of married couples where I live

Perfect...



TwilightPrincess
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26 Dec 2024, 8:51 pm

Spending a day with a married couple wouldn’t tell you much about what being married to David would be like. Every relationship is different, and it’s really hard to tell what things are truly like for couples day in and day out.

That’s where dating for a long time and, perhaps, living together before marriage could be useful.



Mikurotoro92
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26 Dec 2024, 8:57 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Spending a day with a married couple wouldn’t tell you much about what being married to David would be like. Every relationship is different, and it’s really hard to tell what things are truly like for couples day in and day out.

That’s where dating for a long time and, perhaps, living together before marriage could be useful.


I want to do co-habitation but David tried it with his other girlfriends and did not like it

He might be willing to do that if he lives with me and my brother...



TwilightPrincess
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26 Dec 2024, 8:59 pm

Does he want to cohabit when you’re married? If so, why does he think he’d like that more?



Mikurotoro92
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26 Dec 2024, 9:04 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Does he want to cohabit when you’re married? If so, why does he think he’d like that more?


The only way to make co-habitation work is if David lived with me and Josh because my brother has abandonment issues

Since we are getting married in 2026, we should start co-habitating next year



MaxE
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28 Dec 2024, 2:55 pm

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
Does he want to cohabit when you’re married? If so, why does he think he’d like that more?


The only way to make co-habitation work is if David lived with me and Josh because my brother has abandonment issues

Since we are getting married in 2026, we should start co-habitating next year

Probably the best plan if your brother is down with it.


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Mikurotoro92
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28 Dec 2024, 7:51 pm

MaxE wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
Does he want to cohabit when you’re married? If so, why does he think he’d like that more?


The only way to make co-habitation work is if David lived with me and Josh because my brother has abandonment issues

Since we are getting married in 2026, we should start co-habitating next year

Probably the best plan if your brother is down with it.


I think he would be 100% okay with it

As long as achieving my goal doesn't require a sacrifice (me leaving home) he should take no issue with this!