Why are less people getting married?

Post Reply New Topic

also you could comfortably live on a single income in the past. I'm sure the CEO's would be on board with women working.

On a side note I'd be happy to be a stay at home husband and my wife making the $$$$

I'm on Team Co-habitation, but I live in Texas, so not a lot of like-minded potential partners.

actually I'd be pretty bored without at least a part time job

Yes. The more risk factors a couple has, the greater their chance of divorce. We cannot apply macro-level data to individuals, which is why we can discuss "chances" and not "certainty."

There are a handful of academic studies that show no correlation between premarital cohabitation and divorce, but the overwhelming majority demonstrate a clear correlation. This is counterintuitive for most people.



Social scientists can only speculate on the *why* (just like anyone else). My opinion, shared by several of my professors, is that the people who hold marriage in the highest esteem are less likely to premaritally cohabit and also less likely to divorce. This view of marriage is not limited to religious people, although most Christian denominations embrace it.



Historically, most Americans have viewed cohabitation as a "trial marriage," not an alternative; I have not seen research that this attitude is shifting, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was. At the time of my studies, the average romantic non-marital cohabitation arrangement lasted 2-3 years (if I recall correctly), ending in either a breakup (majority) or a marriage. Keep in mind that is an average. Lots of couples live together without marriage for decades, others for a few weeks.

Government-sanctioned marriage may widely be considered "just a piece of paper" but most studies support the idea that overall, children experience better outcomes when in a household consisting of their married natural parents (married adopted heterosexual parents come in second). All of my research included marriage between heterosexual couples only, because at the time, data was not available for other marriage arrangements (other definitions of legal marriage did not exist in the United States when I attended university, although Hawaii and Massachusetts were close).

Since the government, and arguably, society as a whole, have a vested interest in positive outcomes for children, marriage is typically considered an important social good.

I can't speak to statistics, but a few obvious reasons come to mind.

If I was to consider marriage, I'd want to know my partner well (1-2 years
relationship at a minimum before any consideration of marriage, probably longer) and be financially secure (stable income/employment.. disability does not qualify as stable income IMO)

Otherwise, I don't see the point.

Marriage tends to favour women more than it benefits a man IMO.

I haven't had meaningful long term relationships in my life. Why would I even think about settling down?
I'd like to date and get to know different women before even thinking of marriage.

In my former religious community, I knew a fair amount of people in unhappy marriages who wouldn’t get divorced because it was against their religious beliefs to do so. It wasn’t good. Some groups of fundamentalist Christians have low divorce rates, but it doesn’t mean their relationships are any more happy or successful. They just might feel obligated to put up with unhappiness or even mistreatment. That’s why I firmly believe that divorce is not a bad thing or a sign of failure.

I also think that choosing to cohabit rather than marry (with or without children) is a perfectly valid choice. We all need to decide what’s right for us as individuals. Data can be misleading if one fails to consider other factors which may affect it. Not everyone will fit with the numbers anyway because we are all unique individuals.

I do not hold marriage in higher esteem than I do any other committed relationship although everyone has their own tastes and preferences. Marriage is not for me, but living in sin has a nice ring to it.

I would make a distinction between mainstream fundamentalists and more cult-like communities like Jehovah's Witnesses. Fundamentalists are people who accept the word of the Bible literally, which I believe represents the majority of church going Christians in the US. So far as I know, those people will get divorced if they see no other option. Otherwise, although I am not by any means a believer let alone a Christian, from what I've seen, those people really do benefit from their faith and the support of their community to bolster their relationships, so lower divorce rates in those communities aren't necessarily because people are locked into their marriages

^ Taking the Bible as the literal word of God is the problem. My use of the word “fundamentalist” was intentional. I wasn’t just referring to JWs or groups like them because it’s a common problem in fundamentalism although not one experienced by all fundamentalists. If getting a divorce goes against your religious beliefs because of specific scriptures which clearly state not to get a divorce except in the case of infidelity, that’s going to lead to people feeling obligated to stay in unhappy marriages sometimes. I’m not claiming (and didn’t claim) that ALL marriages in any demographic are going to be unhappy, but my point is that not getting a divorce does not necessarily mean that a relationship is happy or successful because there are many reasons why people could feel compelled to stay in a bad situation. Religious ideology rooted in scripture is one of them.

The thing is with marriage, you have to live with another person 24/7 and deal with all of their problems and quirks until either death or divorce!! !

Wouldn't that get tiresome?

How do people do it?!?

Given that your original post asks "why are fewer people getting married", my guess would be, they don't. Not anymore, at least.

Marriage= Voluntary imprisonment! !!

That is what it truly is, but people are blinded to that awful reality with the glamour & spectacle of a wedding ceremony!

And honeymoon vacation

That's not to say that being married means non-stop misery and despair but...

For all the fun date nights and sexy times there is also a LOT of arguments and sadness!! !

When you sign up to get married, you are signing up to forever chain yourself to the other person and making it harder to escape should something go wrong in the relationship!

That is what I mean by "voluntary imprisonment"

Hmm...with that being said, it's no wonder why I have been feeling ambivalance towards marriage!! !

This might actually be a good thing because it means I am taking time to consider all possible contingencies instead of being blinded by the prospects of a wedding and honeymoon!

My husband and I married young and paid for it ourselves -- We are not wealthy and our wedding wasn't glamorous, but it was beautiful. Our "honeymoon" was taken a year later, in our home state, when we could afford to go.



I realize my experience isn't universal, but I have been very happily married for over 2 decades (we've known each other for 3 decades -- we met as teenagers and were friends before we started dating), and there hasn't been a lot of arguments and sadness. The only rough patch we had was around the 7-year mark, and the most miserable effects of it lasted only a couple of years. I am married to my best friend.

Surely there must be at least some people in Greater Houston who believe in cohabitation before marriage.

When I was in my teens I saw a TV news report where the reporter was going nuts because she was interviewing an elderly couple who'd been married for 50 years or something. She kept saying how amazing it was. And I suppose it is. But all I could think was, wouldn't it be more amazing if they'd been together for 50 years without being married?

I've co-habited with my partner for over 20 years. We just like each other. No interest in getting married.

Marriage is overrated!! !

There, I said it!



EDIT: I know what you are going to say...

"But Sara, why do you want to get married if you think it is overrated?"

Well...it is mostly for the experience

Same holds true with motherhood!

I NEED to see if marriage and motherhood are truly great & fulfilling parts of life like everyone says they are