A World That Doesn't See Me

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I often feel like an invisible thread woven into the fabric of a world that doesn’t notice. My work, passions, and creations are never fully seen, appreciated, or valued. I put so much of myself into what I do, but it feels like shouting into a void. And in a world where social charisma is currency, I always come up short, stuck in the shadows while others effortlessly take the stage.

It’s not just about being shy or introverted - it’s deeper than that. Basic things, like small talk or casual interactions, don’t come naturally to me. I think deeply, I hesitate, I overanalyze. And in a society that values quick wit and instant decisions, I end up feeling like I’m operating on a completely different wavelength - one that no one seems to tune into.

Being "underrated" isn’t just frustrating; it’s isolating. It’s like I’m pouring my heart into things that matter to me, but no one else seems to care or notice. And this isn’t just about recognition, it’s about connection. When people don’t see or understand what I do, I feel like they’re not seeing me.

This world, built for neurotypicals, often feels like an alien planet to me. A place where I don’t fit in, where I have to constantly translate my thoughts and feelings into a language that others might understand. It’s exhausting, and the more I try, the more I feel disconnected, like I’m losing myself in the process.

Some days, I feel so distant from everything, this world, its systems, its people, that I wonder if I’ll ever truly belong. And the more I see the things I despise about this world - its shallowness, its obsession with appearances - the more alienated I become.

I know I’m not alone in feeling this way, though it often feels like I am. Maybe others on this wrong planet understand.

I'm in a world where the world does sees me.

Ohh, yes that's possible as someone who does feel just as 'alien' but...
There's another layer -- they don't know what to do with me when they do see me, even if they see me positively, included and welcomed.

They do hear me, even to some extent take it seriously; but they cannot comprehend.
Like I do indeed speak another language. It's almost just as pointless.

So...

It's more than just awareness and acceptance from the way I see it.

It needs something deeper, more nuanced than just attention, being seen and being heard.

Charisma?
Yes, charisma does make it easier to grab attention, get the spotlight, have the podium and take over the room.
Yes, I can do that, easy, especially if I'm in a mood to.

But it's still surface level. That's just the initial stages of a prerequisite.
There is more work beyond that to keep up at it, maintain it and going deeper...

So yes, it is deep.
Deeper than you may even imply even.



I never had to cope with loneliness and social needs myself thanks to the ever encompassing interconnection of everything.

But I still have the need for human expression and other emotional need, a human ego to contend, too, unfortunately.


Too many things out of synch.


I chose to intentionally outgrow those things, be a freer and a more privileged "outsider" instead of fighting or waiting over the idea of being "in" until I'm too old or too crippled to care anymore.

There are those who have always been excluded from mainstream society. For example cops usually form their own sub culture because it creeps "normal" people out to hear what cops deal with everyday.

If you have a special interest, it may have to be expressed only with others who have the same interest.

The education of children in public school often creates an expectation of uniformity that personal or experiential differences shatter. Sadly raising children who can only tolerate a narrow band of social encounters might be seen as a type of child abuse.

I've just accepted that 99% of people don't care or understand why I am the way I am. My interests, my personality, social quirks etc...

Either people like me, or it seems they want to arrange to have me shot. So, the only thing I can do is make myself happy and if others don't like it, that is their problem.

Yes I tend to feel rather invisible.

I am not sure whether you are talking about not fitting in socially, or your work not being appreciated, or both. These feelings you experience do have purposes, and it is interesting to think about what they are.

Young men want glory. Many of our ancestors joined with warlords for that reason, to gain all their desires through their prowess in war.

In modern times, yes it would be nice to feel appreciated and accepted in a community of mutual respect. It is possible to achieve this in a good workplace, so my advice would be to find a good job at a place that is run with liberality and a generous spirit. A place where you can talk with coworkers for ten minutes and the boss not throw a fit.

I did not have much success in the social sphere either as a witty or a charming individual, that is par for the course when you have autism. What I did was set my expectations lower, to simply survival mode. Is blending in and being invisible all that bad? No, there are advantages, for one thing you do not get punishment. I prefer being invisible at all times, in fact I have worked hard to become invisible. I do not wish to ever be seen or noticed in any way, because the ways that I am familiar with are painful.

Let us say people do notice you. What do you think they will do or say? People talk about others incessantly, it is what they do. Let them talk about others, not you.

At 22, wanted to be a writer of short stories. I spent a lot of time submitting stories to publishers and thinking about "what happens if they accept?" Dreams of glory and prestige, and the feeling that "if these crappy writers made it (fill in the blank with bad writer names) then why can't I?"

In those days--1990s--we transmitted material through the mail in printed form. Some publishers even then were old-fashioned enough to send me a rejection letter, sometimes with an indication that they had read some of what I had submitted. Others sent a formalized letter "Due to the high volume of submissions, we cannot accept your drivel...", and most sent nothing at all.

Indeed it now seems to me I wanted more the status of being a successful, published writer and the money and influence that came with it than actually writing. Now that is an important distinction because you can write, no one is stopping you. Expecting others to appreciate what you write is a whole different ballgame, that's ambitious and not everyone wins that laurel.

What I learned later in life is that:

1.) in human society, it matters who you know. Doors get opened for connected individuals that have personal relationships with influential people. Doors remain shut for people with merit in many cases, that is just the way things go. Merit can sometimes force a way, but it's never a sure thing, never.

2.) I had to adjust my expectations a lot lower in life and focus on personal survival, making money to support myself and making more money for security. There simply is not enough time to sit around struggling with an artistic passion and hoping you succeed maybe one day. You have to be earning fast and paying those bills, that is what matters in this world if you want a long life, well fed, with friends and time off for vacations. The artist life is hard, uncertain, precarious, and unhealthy. Because if something comes up and you don't have enough money to deal with it, you are in trouble. Maybe you don't get that heart transplant, maybe you live in a hovel that burns down.

3.) I am not half as talented as I thought I was. Even my parents told me so. Today, when I compare my writing to that of popular authors, such as Dean Koontz, I know which writing I prefer, and it is not mine.

4.) ChatGPT is scary, maybe all artists are going to be obsolete very soon. I don't think art will survive in the AI world, I think humans will be relegated to physical tasks that the AI struggles with. Robotics seems more primitive than the digital world of AI, so we still enjoy a little leeway until robotics catches up and makes ALL humans obsolete. Maybe we have 30 - 40 years, at best. There will be no jobs in the future, all human occupations will be replaceable by computer or robots.

5.) You can still do your hobby in your spare time for fun and amusement and I do. Some of us just hang around forums and that is enough for our writing bug.

My goal in life now is a bit more enjoyment and pleasure, then a quick death. I'd like about twenty more years, that seems about right, then I need a method. At any rate, the United States has become a medical desert, and it is difficult to obtain the care of a doctor in most regions of the country. So living long is a pipe dream for all but the wealthy.

Silence will fall