Blossoming feelings

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Hello everybody.

My question is probably not very original, and I hope it's not too redundant here on the forum... Anyway: I met a girl three months ago, for which I'm starting to have feelings... She reported that she is autistic (high-functioning, that is). We get along quite well and we share common interests and values. I have no idea what her real feelings are for me (and yes, I know these kind of expectations can be quite asymmetric between men and women). At the very least there is friendship, and she seems to trust me.

I'm not planning to tell her anything yet, I let the time sorting things out. Maybe she suspects something, but apart from some banter about marriage the other day, there is no clue.

On the other hand, I'm discovering how to read and interpret an autistic mind - which is a fascinating journey in itself. (Disclaimer: I don't want to reduce her to her autism, yet it's nevertheless a part of who she is). By the way, she said I have some neurivergent traits myself, which I'm ready to believe...

Do some of you have been in a similar situation? Did you communicate about it? How did it evolve? I'm curious about your advice and your answers, from ND and NT alike . Thanks!

Hi! I’m on the spectrum.

There’s a lot of variation with autistics, so it’s going to be hard to give you definitive answers. But here’s some questions and thoughts:

What sorts of things do you do together now? Do you have mutual friends? Is she more introverted or extroverted?

IMO, if you’re both single and if you are compatible, enjoy each other’s company and she trusts you, there’s a decent chance that she’s interested in something more.

Have you talked about past relationships? Sometimes conversations like those can naturally segue into talking about what you’re both looking for.

Taking it slow and letting things evolve organically is probably a very good idea, too. Maybe ask her out for a cup of coffee if you haven’t done anything like that yet.

With all that being said, autistics don’t always read signals or hints very well which can sometimes make us not realize someone is interested. We aren’t always very good about making it clear that we’re interested, either. (Of course, some go overboard, and it’s extremely obvious.) I personally prefer the person to tell me how they feel and for us to have an open conversation about it once I am to the point that I’m comfortable with them because otherwise I second-guess myself and wonder if I’m misreading something.