I identify red-flags but I give too many chances, thoughts?

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__Elijahahahaho
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06 Jan 2025, 1:08 pm

I often identify problems early on,
eg condescension, lying, mirroring, invasive questioning, infantilization...

but then fall prey to rationalizations based on their excuses
which are always vaguely plausible.

This lead me down to several endless terrible relationships.

I guess I don't want to change who I am, but I kinda need to
move on faster?
But won't that mean objectifying people more.. and becoming
kind of horrible?
I suppose not. I suppose just filter faster and move about faster.



ChicagoLiz
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06 Jan 2025, 2:03 pm

Maybe you could write down (or type up) your thoughts immediately after each date. Pay attention to what you've written, especially if you can see a pattern or trend.

And remember Maya Angelou's advice: when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.


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Jakki
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06 Jan 2025, 4:06 pm

Better intially choices ..? it is your life , Sorting people is always an issue, investing in your own standards for your own choices of friends will always serve you best.
Some very old book i read sometime ago, possibly "The Power of Positive thinking" may have written it..
But sometimes in order to make good decisions for both long range decisions and friendships ,It needs for you to asssess
" How does this Serve me". it is not selfish thinking but in order for you to be the best person or friend you can be?
You Might be more free to be that way, if , you are making the best decisions for you.
Wstch and pay attention to Red Flags...and act on them...even if stressful.


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CockneyRebel
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Yesterday, 12:28 am

Perhaps you can write down how things went after each date. Reading up on red flags would also be a good idea.


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ToughDiamond
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Yesterday, 2:55 am

I suppose I'm a bit like that myself. But I tend to ask myself, is this person becoming a threat to me or not? If there seems to be a risk then I'll plan accordingly. Not that I do dating these days, being out of circulation, but I guess the same applies to any kind of association with people. It's important to have boundaries and to be fairly firm so as not to let people cross them.



Jakki
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Today, 7:23 pm

When people show you how THEY are ...? Believe them the first time. Prepare or act accordingly for your owm best situation...fool me once ,shame on you, Fool me Twice and shame on......?


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