incapable of change?

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I'm in the camp of if you aren't having any luck with relationships you should live a life that makes you happy which may in itself help you find a partner

Are people on the spectrum usually capable of living a life they enjoy? I'm not talking low investment low reward like playing fortnite all day every day

I’ve had some very rewarding matches of Fortnite.

Overall, I think we’re capable of growth. I wouldn’t want to change for someone else, though. Personal growth to me is about working towards goals that are meaningful to me personally. I’d only be interested in someone romantically if they liked me for who I am right now. Of course, that doesn’t mean that one doesn’t compromise in relationships or make adjustments, etc. I’m talking about more intrinsic or personal stuff. In a previous relationship, I couldn’t really be me, and it wasn’t good.

As far as living an enjoyable life, I think most people can on some level even if reality isn’t quite what we wanted for ourselves. IMO, life is about making adjustments and finding happiness wherever possible. Sometimes people get so wrapped up in one dream that when things don’t work out it’s hard for them to find happiness. I suppose objectively my life is pretty bleak, especially compared to what I wanted for myself when I was young, but with that being said, there are still lots of things I enjoy and am thankful for. There’s still a certain amount of hope, too.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 11 Jan 2025, 9:53 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Yes but they CANNOT fall into the trap of the "sunk-cost fallacy"! !!

That is when you put a lot of stock (resources) into something to the point where it becomes hard to abandon or give up because of all the initial resources you already poured into it!

Fortnite is not a really good example of the sunk-cost fallacy because you don't really pour a lot of resources into the game to the point where it's impossible to stop playing

Romantic relationships and ESPECIALLY marriage provide excellent examples & insight into the "sunk-cost fallacy" concept

I will use myself as an example first:

I have been in a relationship for almost a whole year now and I am even engaged to get married

If at any time I decide I no longer desire marriage and want to stop my relationship you would naturally think I would break up with my boyfriend, right?

But if the sunk-cost fallacy kicks in...

I would decide to stay with my boyfriend and proceed to marriage anyway despite the idea no longer making sense because of the initial investment I put into my goal!! !

Giving up would feel like admitting defeat and failure!

How this ties into your original post @enz?

Perhaps the reason Autistic people are afraid of or incapable of making changes in their lives is primarily because of the sunk-cost fallacy and decision-making ambivalance/ "analysis paralysis"! !!

A guy said to me "if women didn't exist what would you do to make yourself happy, do that"

I get what you mean about the sunk cost, but its not the best strategy

Sunk cost fallacy led me to remain in two relationships for such a long time that I suffered significant trauma and still suffer form PTSD as a result. The first was for 8 years and the second for 20.

Finally understanding this when I was 2 years into the next one promoted me to cut it dead. Applying logic and remaining resolute allowed me to survive the fallout and I came through it OK.

A period of subsequent reflection led me to concluded that I can be a magnet for manipulative abusive people and accept my vulnerability. I also concluded that I am the type of AU person who will always find it very difficult to have a relationship with an NT.

I have now been with an AuDHD partner for 3 years and its way different.

I believe that we are all capable of change but this may be a slower and more gradual process than within the PNT population.