Why are less people getting married?

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People go to Disney World for the experience. If you don’t like it, then you can choose not to go back again. The experience only lasts a few days. Parenthood is quite a bit different.

Not everyone says that marriage and parenthood are great and fulfilling parts of life. They aren’t right for everyone. You need to be fairly certain that being a mother is right for you, and you need to be prepared for it because it’s a huge responsibility. It doesn’t sound like you and David will be ready for that responsibility any time soon. Do you know why David is in a group home? Does he have autism, an intellectual disability, or something else?

I love my son and never regretted having him despite the circumstances in which he was conceived, but there are people who DO regret becoming parents because of how challenging it is. (My one grandmother regretted it, as did her mother.) It’s not talked about that much because of the judgment people receive for expressing such feelings. At any rate, I think parenting is especially challenging when you and your partner both have your own disabilities to contend with. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but it can make difficult things even more difficult.

There are, but it's easier on the self-esteem to blame one's surroundings for their failures.

That is true

You CANNOT erase or undo children!! !

Even marriage itself can be reversed even though it's hard (divorce)



Yeah you are right about marriage and motherhood not being for everyone

But how do I ascertain whether they are for ME?

That is where I am stuck!

David is in a group home because he volunteered to go there on his own

He has Multiple Sclerosis (auto-immune disease)



I am sure if I was to become a mother that I would not regret having any of my children

Maybe you’re not so much stuck as trying to rush what you aren’t ready for. You’ve not been with David that long. You have lots of time to figure out what you want and if motherhood is right for you. Getting feedback from any therapist or social worker that’s involved with you and David might be useful. They might have a better idea of what you’re ready for than we do, not that they’ll always be right or anything. Ultimately, it’s up to you and David. I think you mostly need more time and reflection. As time goes on, the answers will come.

I know

David is the one who is trying to rush into things

Also, I realized something about the whole "voluntary imprisonment" of marriage...

It is that very thing that causes infidelity and divorce!! !

Think about it:

What happens when you and your partner start getting tired of each other?

You start to feel trapped!

In a prison of your own creation

Then you start to wonder about other people...

Perhaps the whole entire concept of marriage no longer makes sense?

To me, deciding to get married without first considering all of the possible contingencies would be like in the cartoon series SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob and Squidward deciding to work at the Krusty Krab without realizing that Mr. Krabs is just using them for cheap slave labor!! !

Again, SpongeBob was blinded by the prospect of getting to make Krabby Patties much like people who are blinded by the prospect of a big wedding ceremony and honeymoon

So in a way...they (SpongeBob & Squidward) both voluntarily imprisoned themselves at the Krusty Krab restaurant!! !

The point I am trying to make is...

Marriage is NOT something to joke about or take lightly!

It is a decision that must be made through very careful consideration and deliberation!

Because more people are getting smart

If David is pressuring you to marry him, then it's most likely because he fears losing you. It's possible an earlier relationship of his ended because at the time he couldn't bring himself to commit, and now he's overcompensating.

Gov benefits are the reason me & Cass are not married. If we were married my Social Security Disability income would be factored in with her SSI, housing assistance, & food-stamps. I really liked the idea of being married when I was single or when my relationships were long distance. I felt us being married would make it a tad harder for us to split-up & make us more motivated to try & work out problems together in our relationship. After living together a while it started to feel like we're married but we're officially not & we do not say we're married. I know Cass would really like us to be married for the ceremony aspect with family & so we could tell others we're married instead of saying girlfriend/boyfriend who are living together. I never liked the idea of doing a wedding ceremony & much rathered do an elopement type thing but I definitely woulda done the ceremony thing for her if our financial situation allowed us to be married. We know we could do the ceremony thing without the legal stuff but Cass is honest to a fault & can not lie & she would let something slip when doing benefit paperwork & phone interviews that would get us in trouble.

I think financial reasons are a major reason more disabled & very low income people are choosing not to get married in the US. The recession has been steadily been getting worse since the millennium started & more couples require a two person income in order to afford their monthly expenses. Getting gov benefits cut due to them being married would make their lives harder. I also think the expenses related to having kids are another factor. More people can not afford to have kids & not having kids can make some couples less motivated to be married.


Me & Cass have heard that claim before & we do not understand why. We would expect that couples who live together a while first would be more likely to stay married. After living together 12 years we can not imagine what would suddenly change for the worst in our relationship if we did get married assuming our financial situation stayed the same. Would we decide to divorce due to getting in a huge fight about the ceremony & honeymoon

That makes sense

well for the past few years, there has been a loneliness crisis going on

Some people see marriage as being too old-fashioned. There are also horror stories about abuse and divorce.

I strongly feel like they (the government) are purposely trying to deter disabled people from marriage!! !

Why else would they have that rule about loss of benefits?

Co-habitating as boyfriend and girlfriend seems to favor people with disabilities compared to a legal marriage

But marriage despite the whole thing about "voluntary imprisonment" offers perks that you simply cannot get with just living together as boyfriend and girlfriend!

Well...mostly the wedding and honeymoon

Everything else DOES NOT REQUIRE being in a "married" relationship state!

Sex, date nights, raising children etc can also be done with co-habitation

So with that being said, what makes you so special marriage?

You are an ages-old ancient social construct that no longer serves a real purpose other than to trap people!! !

Nintendo... PLEASE do a Splatoon 3 Splatfest about single VS. co-habitation VS. marriage!! !

"Preferred Relationship State: Single, Co-habitation or Married?"

That would be very interesting...

I do not they would create a Splatfest based on my idea because it might alienate the kids who play the game but it could work I think?

Me and my boyfriend would be married except for now we need my disability money. The idea is me trying to get a job where I don't qualify for disability anymore, so me and my boyfriend could get married. But for now its not a lack of wanting to do it, its just it would potentially disqualify me from the disability money we need right now so yeah if it was just up to choice we'd already be married, but for now financially it works better that we are not married even though we plan to stay together marriage at this point would not be smart.

Exactly like its f*****g cruel like they try and make it so hard for disabled people to have a normal life, if they do find something. Cause legit the only reason me and my boyfriend arent married is because we are worried we can't afford it while I am on disability. Which is true I am only allowed to save up 2,000 dollars in my savings a dollar more and I could be booted off of disability but we need my disability income to help pay rent and bills.

sometimes the bills are alcohol but Trump just became president so any rational person is probably drinking a bit irresponsibly to deal with the news at times. But point is we aren't not married out of not wanting to be married it just would cut off my disibility money which we cannot afford to do right now, so its basically just not practical for us to get married right now.

and I imagine we are not the only couple struggling with this sort of thing.