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Rotting and decomposing

As of last year, on days off work, started needing to take a one hour nap, two hours after waking up

As of three years ago, started needing to take between two and four different bowel movements between breakfast and lunch, not just one. Literally tied to the litterbox.

My dumpster fire "job" involves lifting appliances like litterboxes and I have been quickly getting much weaker and was never strong to begin with. Physically or emotionally. Pretty soon will be too physically weak to load litterboxes s**t. Literally

Back pain

Brain fog

Walking slower and takes too much energy

Emotional overeating

Have to start eating less. Metabolism plummeting due to aging

s**t

Screwed for "life".

You too? I thought it was only me. My sleep has deteriorated with age. I wake up after about six hours, and lie in bed hoping to fall back asleep. But then I start thinking about work and the stress level rises.

before age 12, my sleep was great. after 12, often have trouble falling asleep. once asleep, sometimes wake up for a couple hours and try and fail to fall back to sleep.



I drink strong coffee in the morning, then walk around the living room. Coffee accelerates all the digestive processes. Then I eat breakfast, and that is a trigger. Usually I have to go to the bathroom about 2-3 times in a single morning, but I get it all done before work, because at work there is not much privacy. People can see whose shoes are sitting there in the stall. So my #1 goal every day is always finishing #2 before work.

coffee has positive and negative effects. i'm 41 and have never drunk coffee before. however, strongly considering starting drinking coffee, b/c i have been so exhausted every day on the way to work.



I felt the exact same way this morning. My job is getting to be much more physical, involving lifting and carrying and manual dexterity. I have the distinct impression that my bosses would prefer a much younger person, someone with a lot of physical energy and vitality. There is just an incredible amount of work coming in, and I struggle to do it all. I find it difficult to keep up with all of the different things that pop up on a daily basis. No sooner do I begin one thing than the phone rings and another priority arises.

Home Depot, where I have been working as a Lot Attendant for 4 years and 3 months, only bases the hiring process on the interview and background check. They do not have a "lifting test", but I think they should. The about 30 lot attendants have worked there during that time. Right now, only 6 lot attendants work there. The oldest 66. Then 55, 55. Some of the lot attendants looked about 18 years old. the 66 year old appears totally energetic. While he does smoke, he hardly ever sits down on the job. even when there are plenty of carts in the lobby, he's still pushing carts. He walks faster than me and he is much physically stronger than me. Plenty of times i asked him to lift something for me. Home Depot "really" does not practice age discrimination.


So, I wake up each and every morning, wondering whether today will be my last day on the job. I perceive that I have become unpopular and have been criticized for my shortcomings. The things I do well get buried, the things I do poorly get remembered. That is just the way that people are, it is the way any organization works. I understand it and just find myself on the negative side of the process at this moment in time. But not for long. My plan is to retire early. Next year, in fact.

i'm 41 years old and do not have nearly enough for retirement. 11% of my income goes to 401k, but that is not that much. at this rate, i will never be able to afford retirement. however pretty soon, i will not be healthy enough to work. government benefits not guaranteed, sufficient or permanent. i've always been unpopular, so i did not "become unpopular". the front end supervisor, december 2028, had the nerve to "criticize" me. she acted so out of control. she told me that the head cashier could not find me, but she didn't say how often that happened, b/c the parking lot has plenty of blind spots, and some of the head cashiers wear glasses. then the front end supervisor said that the lobby had to be full of carts at all times, and other stupid forms of BS. in four years and four supervisors, nobody's ever told me that before. also, the current supervisor had the nerve to tell me to stop pushing the carts behind the building. ("it has come to my attention that",) that b***h had the nerve to tell me july 2024. Night Replenishment Manager Sadiq asked me why i was behind the building and i told him to push carts. it seems like sadiq told the front end supervisor. (rolls eyes). some ass holes can't have a single thought without making a public service announcement. f**k sadiq. f**k angela, s**t!



I do not plan to continue with health insurance. It is expensive. If my health ever takes a turn for the worse, then I will find some way to embrace oblivion. I think that oblivion is underrated and misunderstood and rather sympathize with it from that perspective. I would like to read books, watch good movies, and play computer games until health fails. At my recent check-up, I got a good report from my doctor, so things seem all right physically.

It does not really matter so much where I live, as long as the crime rate is low and they have electricity and grocery stores. Internet is optional too. I am studying various locations and wondering what life might be like in different towns, different states. I have traveled so little in my life compared to a lot of people that have been to Europe, Asia.