Thoughts on dating (online dating in particular)

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OK, in a previous thread I said it was better to meet in person vs. online.
I still believe that, but online dating is pretty common these days.

A few thoughts as a single man who has done online dating (though I prefer to meet women offline)

-Screen women based on their photos. Press for at least one photo of their full body taken within the last month
Some women naturally will be offended that you 'dared' ask to see if they have a healthy body/weight proportion
(you can determine this by seeing what they look like, obviously). Filter out these women who are insecure and/or
hiding the fact they are overweight and/or obese. Unless you are attracted to that, which is your prerogative.

-Try to meet sooner than later. I try to get her number within a few messages and set up a meeting time the same or next day. If she doesn't want to give her number, that doesn't mean she won't eventually, but you'll figure it out and I wouldn't ask more than a few times. If she doesn't want to meet soon, she's probably not interested. Move on, it's that simple. Many women get 100s of messages from men online and love the attention. Unless you want to be a pen pal, be realistic.

-Don't agree to meet anywhere that isn't convenient for you. You are investing your time. For me personally, I have traveled as far as 45 min, but I don't think I would again. If she can't meet me where it's comfortable for me, 10-15 minutes from where I live, I am much less likely to want to meet.

-Do not (unless you are desperate) give her a single penny. Some (not all, but there are some) women want you to pay for their cab. I have done this a few times. My new boundary is absolutely not. If you can't arrange your own transportation, we are not compatible.

-Do something easy and convenient. Go for a walk outside. Spend nothing if you can.

-Finally, screen her for drugs and other issues. Women, like men - have all kinds of issues. You'll figure it out.
Remember, this is a total stranger you are meeting from the internet. Most people are well intentioned, but not all. Be aware that you are meeting a stranger and think about anything that could go wrong - even though it shouldn't.

I ask potential suitors three extremely important questions:

What is your name?
What is your quest?
What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

This is a good idea, too:

I always screen my dates for stuff like rabies and distemper by asking for an updated immunization record. Better safe than sorry is what I always say. You can quote me on that.

Okay, I don't subscribe to the manosphere types, but I think the (online) dating statistics of more men than women not meeting anybody at all are probably reasonably accurate based on my own experiences. How do you answer the paradox of 'teaching' how to do online dating vs. the average statistics that seem to point very grim on the 'meeting anybody at all' male side of the online dating equation?

Otherwise I agree with it especially the screening parts.

If someone “pressed” me for a full body photo before I was ready to give one, I would suspect that his motives were questionable and would move on. I think it’s especially relevant given the fact that women often experience sexual harassment on dating apps. Just something to consider.

As for asking for someones medical history.. are you serious? Do you really think a random online will send you their medical records? That's crazy to ask for that.

At the same time, if you are sleeping with someone, you may question their health and want to see proof.. but that is more of a conversation you'd have in person..

It was a joke.

It's on the individual male to navigate the world of online dating. Trial & error.
You can provide some perspectives as I have that I believe are worth noting. I can't specifically tell any man how to interact with women. (I can, but it's not my responsibility, nor is it really appropriate)
If they are dissatisfied with their results they have the opportunity to alter their approach.

ok, you had me I admit. rabies? lol.

A lot of guys put multiple photos of themselves in their profile and still
try to get attention from women who refuse to put any pic whatsoever.

That tells me the men are investing way too much effort.
When women don't want to show what they look like, it makes you wonder what are they hiding?

Some of them have probably learned from experience that they’re more likely to receive dick pics and other forms of sexual harassment when they post pictures of themselves. I experienced that sort of thing a few years ago.

I recognize the issue of receiving graphic photos is inappropriate.

However, when you can see someones photo in a profile, it is only appropriate that you also provide a photo.
It is unreasonable to expect someone to be interested when you can't even see what they look like.

A man who is seeking a woman who is physically fit will eventually see what she looks like
if they agree to meet. If that woman wants to try and deceive her suitors, she is only fooling herself.
The man isn't going to be attracted to her if she is not what he is looking for.

By hoping a man will agree to a date while still providing only minimal photos, a woman can be setting herself up for disappointment.

Women can upload or not upload whatever the hell they want…within reason. It makes sense that a woman would want to take photos down after experiencing harassment and then, perhaps, uploading them again later. Obviously, there are many other possibilities.

I’m not saying it’s unreasonable to want a photo. However, “pressing” someone for a full body picture sounds a bit creepy, especially when creepiness is a common issue on dating apps. It would be off-putting to a lot of women.

There's something telling about the sorts of fears people have when online dating.

Some men seem worried they might end up meeting up with a woman with a few extra pounds who was otherwise perfectly appealing, meanwhile women are more worried about being sexually harassed or worse by gooners and creeps.

It’s fine to decide not to meet someone. I have a problem with the swiftness to judge women for their choices which are entirely up to them. It seems entitled to me.

To be honest, I don’t fully understand the hyperfocus on looks. If I like someone, I’ll think they’re attractive no matter what.

Sexual harassment can be a traumatizing thing to experience, and according to the research, it’s very common on apps. Some women are even stalked. It can lead to anxiety and stuff like that. As someone with PTSD, I find it very triggering. It’s hard to say what other people may be carrying. I’m not the only woman in the world with anxiety and PTSD given how prevalent sexual assault is.

That's what I'm getting at. The one demographic's big concern seems to be something quite superficial and trivial compared to the other's.

Don't get me wrong, I generally prefer to see what people look like if we're going to meet up, but I wouldn't consider a refusal to be a deal-breaker, both because people can also just send old or manipulated images, but also because they might have really valid reasons for not being comfortable sending full body pictures.

Yeah, I knew that’s what you were getting at. I was just thinking out loud I guess.

It’s such a weird topic. It would be really sad, in my opinion, to decide not to date someone for superficial reasons when they actually could’ve been a great match. That’s not something I take for granted because it can be hard to find someone suitable, especially when one is awkward and introverted.

I’d probably like to see a picture of a person’s face because it would make identifying them when we met easier.