Failure to launch

Post Reply New Topic

Thanks for the reply. Worthwhile trying. Irritated thing: there really is no parking problem on my block: evidenced by several empty parking spaces every evening when I go for a walk. Apparently other areas it is a real problem. We are in the process of trying to rent garage space.

Had our weekly meeting. DS is looking into an adhd executive function coach. He continues to work part time at Amazon. Has been applying to jobs on LinkedIn and did a second visit to the Zoo (he would love to work there, but like Broadway or Hollywood everybody wants to work there so they can afford to be picky.). First visit I had to go with him because he kept balking and anxiety and EF (Executive Function) issues would stop him. Second visit he drove his brother and actually talked to people about working there. They have a union. They choose union members first. You must have experience to become a union member. Catch 22 (need to have experience to become a union member; need to be a member to get experience). They have volunteer opportunities. (Catch 22 the volunteer positions do not work with the animals - they are people facing - he has autism and social anxiety). He is taking horseback riding lessons (no catch 22: you pay you get to work with real live animals - horses are animals). Next week he will visit Del Val (a local college with a Zoo Animal Science program that has internships with the zoo) just to show up and walk around campus. One step at a time. He continues to work on the “What Color Is My Parachute” workbook and the DBT workbook. Also adding the Project Management for Dummies to help with EF and Time Management (time less than one day or a few hours )/Project Management (things that take more than one day or more than 3 hours)

Ugh. I hate it when HOAs 'fix' things that aren't broken.



Ages ago, I worked for a small-animal veterinarian.... Does the zoo have any cleaning/maintenance/landscaping jobs he might like to do? Porters/painters/gardeners typically have infrequent customer interactions, especially if they work outside normal operating hours. Might be a way to get his foot in the door?



This is fantastic!

I don't think there would be anything wrong with just showing up and walking around, getting familiar with the place. It reminds me of when I attended university, I frequently sat in on large lectures that I wasn't signed up for, to fill time between classes and see if I'd be interested in the subject before committing. I never took exams or did assignments, and no one ever mentioned anything to me about my attendance. This was over 25 years ago at a large public university, so it's possible things have changed, but it might be worth trying.

Trying to navigate helping my 26 yo aspie daughter launch too, or at least be able to help me manage our home financially and physically. We now have to get by on just my income, as her father left the picture. I also think it would help her depression and make her feel better about herself to have a job that paid well and to be able to drive, or even overcome her fears to Uber. Or to be able to do things like help cook and clean.

The other related difficulty is the judgement I am receiving from my family. They don’t understand the difficulties involved with this and feel I am just an “enabler” and that my daughter and I are “codependent.” It is so hurtful and isolating, but I don’t know how to make them understand. The fact that she has learned to present as very neurotypical makes it harder for them to continue to believe her diagnosis.

There aren’t any supports in my area unless my daughter goes on disability, which would then prohibit her from getting a job that makes better money. And she really doesn’t want to go that route. We haven’t had much luck with therapists, but I continue to look for a good one. At this point, I just feel utterly exhausted, dejected, and alone.

There is no right or wrong decision when it comes to whether or not to pursue an autism diagnosis as each situation is unique even if they seem similar. The typical reason for someone getting diagnosed seems to be mainly for access to various assistance systems and programs; the other reason is clarity. Knowing the 'truth' about what is going on inside our minds and bodies is extremely important to most of us aspies. It can be perhaps just as important, if not more so, for the parents like you who have the great honor of having us as your child. There are also many aspies like myself who absolutely have no desire, want, or need for a diagnosis. We seem to be mostly the older ones who were able to adapt enough early enough to at least survive with minimal if any help living in the NT world with its expectations, demands, chaos, and noise.

It is important to know and understand that there is no medical/physical test to see if someone is autistic; it is all done subjectively through observation, interviews, psychology tests, and the diagnostician. There are some neurodivergence conditions that can be detected in brain scans, not autism however. This means if you do decide to pursue a diagnosis it is supremely important that you find the person whose opinion you feel you can trust, if at all possible. A bad diagnosis can potentially cause the situation to get worse in many different ways, as you yourself know from your own experiences. Unfortunately the good ones are backlogged meaning waitlists months long, and can be very expensive I hear. If you have assistance from somewhere then you are obligated to use whoever they approve of. These may very well be highly qualified, but because of the situation the waitlist time can be a very long time due to supply and demand.

No matter what you decide in the end, there is one thing that you can do that can help you and your son. Communicate with him as a person, no matter how difficult or pointless it might seem at times. We are usually listening, especially if we sense that you are talking from a place of truth. Try including him in the conversation as much as you can, allow him to have some sort of say in the decisions when possible. Remember, the autistic brain is literally wired differently than the NT brain; there are typically many more neurons and neural pathways causing chaos and beauty in our overactive minds.

I have been reading different articles recently that show how many researchers are starting to look at autism as a whole body condition, which makes sense. There has been cases I read about where the child's moderate to severe autistic symptoms have been eased to varying degrees through improving the health of their gastrointestinal system (there gut health). The gut produces several neurotransmitters, including serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine, and gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA). These neurotransmitters are produced by the gut microbiota, which are bacteria that live in the gut. These affect us and help manifest emotions such depression and anxiety.

Hugs, mama. <3

Regarding the bolded/underlined sentence above, is her inability to help around the house a depression issue, a distracted-and-needs-reminders issue, or an educational/hasn't-learned-yet issue? Or something else...?



You've come to the right place -- We *all* understand you here.

It's really really tough to deal with family, when they either can't understand, or don't want to. Despite having several autistic grandkids for 20 years, my folks *still* think that my Level-3 son "just doesn't want to communicate; he CAN, he just doesn't WANT to talk." Both sets of my kids' grandparents are in denial that my Level-1s and Level-2s are even autistic. And I'm exhausted, reminding them of the various challenges we have (and that's even after my mom used to visit us for 8 hours a day, every weekday, for a few years after she retired -- and it STILL didn't completely sink in). It sucks, for sure.



Y'all have probably already thought of this... Does she have a strong interest/hobby that can be turned into a way to earn money, even if it's not much at first?