The Growing Distance: Feeling Separate

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I know this might be a difficult topic for some, and I acknowledge that. But I think many autistic people might relate to this feeling. I can communicate with others, but I rarely feel a real connection. It’s like watching everything through a one-way mirror instead of being in the room with everyone else. When I notice this, I tend to pull back, which only makes the social distance feel even more stark. How do you deal with this? The gap between me and others feels huge, and it only seems to grow wider with time.

Seeing others act reflexively, sort of on automatic pilot can make them seem a different culture speaking a different language. If you are unable to find anyone else like yourself (of your tribe), you may have to live amongst the natives and manage as best as you can.

It can be similar to someone who is artistic or athletic, although they are more often able to connect with others like themselves. Our society is more self-focused than in the past and people mostly want to feel good. This casually means the avoidance of things and people that are different.

Self-focus unfortunately is a relationship killer. To connect with those who has transcended at least some of the average selfishness, one might have to explore volunteer groups or churches (although churches often seem to have people just as selfish as anywhere else).

The "connection" you seek is usually a reciprocation of interest, even if it is simple civility. However, many people are even abandoning this. While the numbers are dropping, it is still possible to connect with others. It is just so hard to find them. You might see if your library sponsors book clubs or other activities. Just the effort to get up and go out somewhere increases the odds of finding someone else that can reciprocate.

I think many people can relate to how you feel, especially after COVID seclusions. It isn’t selfish to want to be yourself in a safe space. Connections are difficult these days and that is a fact. I deal with it by stepping outside and connecting with nature and animals. I have 2 dogs and they help me in many ways, reminding me to go for walks each day. Sometimes I meet people at the parks and on trails. I also utilize my local library for books and DVD movies, then connect with others online about those topics.