I need to prevent being hospitalized

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I'm going to just stay on my meds. It's because I've been lashing out at home. My anger has gotten out of control apparently. I resist leaving. I stomp off and come back. My family is getting a bit worn out. I really want to stay home though. I just maybe need to practice my self control. Yet it happens even when I try not. I think it's the man that is in my dreams though. He apologizes silently.

I don't have a DR currently cause I was a difficult patient and argued a lot. Then I didn't want to go to appointments anymore so I told them I was doing really well. They said I didn't need them anymore. My parents got mad at me for that.

I just really want to prove that I can be good at home. Im scared sometimes. I feel numb and sad when I have these lashing out moments. I start to shake and throw up from nerves. I can hear them talking about what to do about me sometimes when I have removed myself.

responses to familial situations sometimes allow a people ,license to act out . But thats not what the point is here.
Please find a real Doctor . Whom might be willing to do blood work, With an eye towards maybe balancing hormonal levels . People closer to you have much..! more capacity to trigger persons close to them..... And if nerves are on edge already or exposed to less than ideal situations to recover from stress.On a normal basis. emotional stressors may easily cause one to overreact? sometimes. Occassionally my older siblings would do surrepticious things to cause me to trigger
until I reacted. I did not understand the entire thing at all. Was not aware of their intentionality. Have seen this used by psychopaths and the like ,I believe they enjoyed the control factor .. Later on I had tried methods to meditate. And other methods .. Or get away and just be quiet, out of the range of their actions. Even when much younger . I would go as far as hiding under the houses crawl space.
Best wishes to you..in your situations .