Yesterday, 3:30 pm
Hello there,
I am not diagnosed autistic, but over the last few years through my own research have concluded that it is the best explanation for the way my mind works. I'm in my mid-thirties, and it completely changed my perspective to finally understand so many struggles that went unexplained for my entire life thus far.
At a young age, I was removed from public education due to hyper-focus that made it difficult to integrate into classrooms (which my mom and teachers called "tunnel vision"), as well as sensory issues and meltdowns/shutdowns that made me too trouble-some for normal educational settings.
Because I was verbal and had no cognitive deficits or delays, and likely because I'm female, autism was never considered. I've learned that I am one of those folks who figured out how to mask after experiencing severe rejection and consequences due to undiagnosed autistic behavior. I worked really hard to get back into public school as a teenager with the support of a few advocates I'll forever be grateful for. I graduated, made a career, managed to be financially secure and live independently despite many people telling me it would never happen when I was young.
I hope to find a community who knows what it's like, because I'm still trying to undo the expectations of neurotypical behavior and ways of navigating the world. For instance, I'm still waffling on ordering noise-cancelling headphones because, "what will people think," you know? But, I'd really like to use them. Is it okay to take breaks when I am overwhelmed by things that "normal people" don't consider draining? Can I learn to do that despite criticism, and without guilt, so I can recover faster?
All those little things, that it turns out, aren't so little after all. 
I look forward to meeting you all and I'm happy to offer likewise support! Thank you.
Yesterday, 3:32 pm
Yesterday, 3:41 pm
Yesterday, 3:48 pm
I hope to find a community who knows what it's like, because I'm still trying to undo the expectations of neurotypical behavior and ways of navigating the world. For instance, I'm still waffling on ordering noise-cancelling headphones because, "what will people think," you know? But, I'd really like to use them. Is it okay to take breaks when I am overwhelmed by things that "normal people" don't consider draining? Can I learn to do that despite criticism, and without guilt, so I can recover faster?
Hello and welcome to WP.
It’s common for many of us to use ear plugs or noise-canceling headphones as needed. In a group at work or at a social function, it’s okay to tell people that you are wearing them to help with noise. Headphones often imply that you may be listening to music or an audiobook as well. I carry ear plugs with me wherever I go to use as needed.
Rest as necessary, especially to help recharge after social gatherings. Self care is essential. If you don’t take care of yourself first it will be difficult for you to be fully present and engaged with others later.
kokopelli
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Location: amid the sunlight and the dust and the wind
Yesterday, 4:21 pm
Yesterday, 5:13 pm
Yesterday, 5:18 pm
Yesterday, 5:29 pm
Thanks for the welcome, everyone!
I'm also undiagnosed (although I did have a psychiatrist offer to confirm it, but there seemed no point at my age) and had my epiphany after reading "Running with scissors" at about 25 when my whole life suddenly made sense.
I too had problems at school with "tunnel vision" and now dislike the phrase "the bigger picture"
I hope you find this planet to your liking.
Tailchaser? Haha. Now your username reminds me of August Kekulé, the chemist who said he conceptualized the structure of a carbon ring for aromatic compounds from a dream about the ouroboros.
I've not read "Running with Scissors," though I'd heard of it from when the film came out. It is neat how reading novels and memoirs can prompt epiphanies like that.
It seems quite nice here. Lots of tunnels to explore.
Rest as necessary, especially to help recharge after social gatherings. Self care is essential. If you don’t take care of yourself first it will be difficult for you to be fully present and engaged with others later.
Thanks for the tips. It's a good note that people might think I'm listening to something.
Last edited by 0uroboros on 05 Feb 2025, 5:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
funeralxempire
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Yesterday, 5:30 pm
Yesterday, 6:39 pm
Double Retired
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Yesterday, 6:41 pm
Yesterday, 9:31 pm
Thank you for the recommendations, Jakki. Ahoy, funeralxempire. 
And, you are closer to your symptoms than we are, but be advised there can sometimes be issues with self-diagnosis:
- Broad Autism Phenotype: Having some Autism symptoms but not enough to qualify for the diagnosis.
- Having Autism symptoms due to something other than Autism
That last thing caused confusion when my bride and I were researching the possibility of me being Autistic. My bride is diagnosed to be ADHD but when she read about Autism she noticed she had a lot of the symptoms, too! It turns out Autism and ADHD share many symptoms. When I found and showed her this chart it persuaded her she was ADHD, not Autistic, and got her to go back over to her diagnosis and give me some peace and quiet in mine.
Of course, your symptoms might not leave any room for doubt. Sometimes it is clearly Autism.
Thank you for the resources. The BAP is new to me. Research on autism and other neuro-developmental differences seems to be experiencing a renaissance right now, and it's very fascinating to see all the new data and theories coming out about it.
I've looked into ADHD. I know people diagnosed with ADHD and we can relate with one another in many ways, but there is a distinction I can't quite put my finger on. I have considered AuDHD, as well, but I'm less sure about that than the autism.
Double Retired
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Today, 10:25 am
Today, 10:42 am
Today, 2:54 pm
And the difference between Autism and ADHD was, for my bride and me, what was shown in the chart. The chart is a rather narrow glimpse into the issue but I really, really like it because it persuaded my bride that she was not Autistic. Gee! If she turned out to also be Autistic she'd be diving right in...and I'd probably end up hiding in a corner!
I did take a look at that chart. It's good hear you were helpful for your bride's self-understanding.
My partner seems to have ADHD or AuDHD, too (is this dynamic duo common for couples? Hmm). He aligns with all of the symptoms of ADHD in particular. He's incredibly intelligent, reading advanced math books when he was 12. In the abstract, his spatial reasoning and logic comprehension might be described as genius, yet he can't cook a meal or plan his day without all manner of chaos and confusion to overcome, which frustrates him. His belongings are scattered all over the house in box piles, which drives me nuts as I want things to "have a place" and be uncluttered in order to feel right. But to him, the pile is the "right place," lol.
The great thing is that he doesn't mind how "weird" I am and I don't have to mask at all when we're together. He doesn't even mention it when I do things like rock back and forth for two hours at night, listening to music, to self-soothe after a hard day, for instance. He is amused when I'm accidentally too blunt sometimes, rather than embarrassed or upset. He just lets me be like no one else I've known. I feel very lucky that way. We give each other a lot of grace for foibles.
Yes, I think you found the right place. You have described some of your traits and they fit. So let me answer some of your questions.
You wrote: "I am not diagnosed autistic, but over the last few years through my own research have concluded that it is the best explanation for the way my mind works."
I was not diagnosed either but a few years ago at the age of around 70 I figured out that I had this condition. In my case it has another name called Asperger's Syndrome. There are test that you can take on line that can provide you a good analysis and they are free.
Then you wrote, "I'm still trying to undo the expectations of neurotypical behavior and ways of navigating the world."
O.K., let me explain a little bit about yourself. Many people have skills. They may be good at sports or science or thousands of other skills. But you have skills that are off the charts in some areas that other normal people do not possess. The best advice I can give you is "Believe in yourself and your special skills". But in order to do this you must figure out these skills and use them to help you overcome your weaknesses. Use you special +s to overcome your special -s.
Then you wrote, "For instance, I'm still waffling on ordering noise-cancelling headphones because, "what will people think," you know?"
Do not be concerned about what other people will think. Follow your instincts. The condition we have can effect our sensory perception (eyes, ears, nose, taste, smell and others). If sound is causing you pain, solve the problem. Whenever I found a problem, I would find a solution that fixed the problem. Many solutions exist in the modern world.
Then you asked, "Is it okay to take breaks when I am overwhelmed by things that "normal people" don't consider draining? Can I learn to do that despite criticism, and without guilt, so I can recover faster?"
This can be a hard question to answer. It is Yes and No. You live in a world of NTs and they can drive you crazy. Sometimes if the stress becomes too great, you will need to drain the stress in order to get back to normal. Sometimes in work you might need to find an area where you can rest a little bit to get back on your feet. Some jobs and the people you work with may not let you do this. But some jobs will recognize your skills and find ways around this. Some jobs exists that are tailor made for your special skills. Many times you will find that you work better alone rather then in a group.
I really appreciate this breakdown! Finding work in particular that can utilize my natural skill set has been something of a challenge, and I've done well at that in some ways and failed in others. At one point, I held a job where I was the only employee in that location, running an entire department alone and managing projects independently (I was also given freedom to seek out and hire my own part-time staff when the workload became too high). That job was heaven and I was very productive in it. Unfortunately, downsizing during the recession meant that position went away, and I'd not found a comparable one since.
... I am going to get headphones. And possibly earbuds. They are my ears and no one else's.
AnonymousAnonymous
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27 minutes ago
Welcome to Wrong Planet!
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