Being interested with dark topics as a (young) child.

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I am now talking to Chat GPT and I was just told by it that my interest in Hades, the god of the dead and the king of the underworld and his dark kingdom and my desire to replace Persephone as his wife was undeniably something untypical for a (then) six year old.

And when I was an older child, I was ten, I started to love horror movies (like the "Pumpkinhead" series on the demon of venegance) and books on spiritual stuff like Raymond Moody's "Life After Life" - now I think it's rather something extraordinary for someone so young - but then again, once I saw on some message board that one lady didn't believe another user that she read Ursula Le Guin's book when in the third grade (so she would be 9-10 years old then) - well, I read adult books when in the first grade.

Were you interested in such topics as children, too?

Ursula Le Guin is an adult author?
I read many of her books before I was 10
So too Heinlen's Stranger in a Strange Land.

^^^^^ Yahoo. Agreed on Most all HeinLiens books ^^^^^^

Long Live Lazurus Long ...

Yes, I have had a special interest in various poisons/toxic substances/radioactive materials since I was very little. You would think my parents would have discouraged that interest, but instead they enabled it. They got me several books in the subjects, some that are impossible to find now. Living in a rural area back then (late 1970s-early 1980s), you could get away with much more than you can today. You have not had real fun until you have harvested poison ivy/oak and extracted the compounds using regular household materials. It helped me become the chemist that I am now.

My reading comprehension level was at a college level by the end of the third grade and it increased quickly with time. I hated the books in the elementary school library because they were all too low level for me. I would often frequent the public library to read science and engineering books/magazines that they got in. Reading those kept me from getting in trouble. I was often bored in classes growing up because I was at a much higher level than my classmates, or even the teacher.

BTW- I still have my first chemistry set (Gilbert U-238 atomic energy laboratory) that my parents bought second-hand at a garage sale. It is listed as one of the most dangerous toys ever made. What does not kill you makes you stronger.

I was fascinated with war as a young child. I used to draw swastikas and iron crosses while the other kids were drawing flowers and rainbows.

About humanity and the depths of it.
Of things beyond good and evil.

It's a budding hate based obsession drawn from my already there existential frustration at that young age that gets worse as time went on.

And there's no reading comprehension involved.
A lot of the concepts and thoughts I had back then, had no words for, no accessible vocabulary to go with.


All I can describe to others was that "it's my problem", "it's that problem".
I'm looking for lessons about these things, yet no one's teaching me, no one's answering any questions that I tried to verbalize...


Thus concepts of limitations; of language, of empathy, of rationality, of force of good and benevolence...

And the patterns that made hidden agendas. Of criminality itself. Of violence, callousness and sadism.
Of evil and power itself. Of opportunism and sociopathy. The whole point of wars, exploitation, and all that crap.


They're like concepts and ideas I kept thinking about, but never able to write or say it.

Only observed.
Only sought to see signs.

At the same time I just knew I'm not that powerful or able enough to pull it off and do those things myself.


I don't just like horror, I want something deeper. Something more visceral and comprehensive of 'why' than simply philosophical, moral or drawn through history books.


Something that just goes beyond the concept of "hurt people hurt people", because whatever malicious and hungry force I had that made me drawn to violence and dubious temptation wasn't driven by hurt or lack.

Obviously, I'm not an idiot enough to go there and do it or do it literally.
And I was a kid.

Except I don't want the pseudo-mature crap that most kids are into "because it's cool and mysterious".

I want the real knowledge, not the advertised forbidden fruit.

And I got no internet, no library, not any medium; verbal, auditory, visual...
Only emotions, only abstract thoughts and concepts, only imagination.

Things that will draw me into conspiracies, curses, and malicious entities that exists in black markets, in criminal circles as an attempt to draw words into the things I imagined it to be...

No means of ever externally expressing these thoughts and questions until getting my hands on a computer with an internet connection and a gradually progressing enough reading comprehension...

Sure that did led me into rabbit holes, but always never forget the whole point that I want to get in order to just be able to express whatever it is.

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