Autism and Arrogance

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As someone with autism, I tend to talk about myself instead of giving others a chance to do the same, which suggests an apparent lack of interest in them - in other words, arrogance. Interestingly, autism is from the Greek word for self, which is quite self-explanatory.

A lack of interest in others isn't the same thing as arrogance.

Arrogance is putting a markedly higher value on your own opinions or ideas.

I think autistic people can sometimes come across as arrogant because we often have fixed or narrow perspectives on things.

but a lot of neurotypical people WANT to talk about them, but they know its polite to act interested in someone else's life

A lack of interest in others usually comes with a lack of interest in others opinions and experiences.

That, in combination with a fixed or narrow perspectives on things seems likely to read as arrogance by some people.

Whether or not you'd define that as arrogance, aloofness or just a feature of autism might vary from person to person, but when on the receiving end of it (in particular) most people tend to read it as arrogance.

[arrogance]I liked how I said it better.[/arrogance]

Personally I am self-absorbed but not arrogant.
Sometimes I try to be interested in other people but once they actually get talking about themselves it feels painful and I just want them to shut up.
No idea why autism gives me such a low tolerance (or maybe it's just me and I'm a self-centred a**hole, I don't know).

I think I often come across as not being interested in others because I don't think to ask them questions.

When I talk to autistic people, they will talk about themselves for a long time and I'm usually interested in hearing what they have to say. But when I talk to NTs they tend to ask me questions and it doesn't occur to me to ask them questions back.

Often I'll just say something like "tell me about your life" because I'm interested in them but I'm bad at thinking of questions to ask.

I don't think it's arrogance either.

Arrogance: "a manifest feeling of personal superiority in rank, power, dignity, or estimation; the exalting of one's own worth or importance to an undue degree; pride with contempt of others; presumption."

Your behaviour: Tendency to talk about yourself instead of giving others a chance to do the same, which suggests an apparent lack of interest in them.

They're somewhat different. I find it easier to talk than to listen, not because I think I'm better than other people, but because other people come out with a lot of stuff that's very new to me, and I can't take it in as fast as they throw it. Their brains don't seem to have the same need to stay on subject till the matter has been thoroughly aired. They expect me to get things from the context instead of fully explaining. It's hard for me to take an interest in a subject that's randomly brought up, unless I happen to be already into that subject. I'm a perfectionist, they usually seem quite content with mediocre results. I tend to like to take a scientific view of most things. Most people aren't so technically-minded. If everybody were more like I am, we might get on better. But they have their cherished subjects - often about which sports team is going to win this prize. I don't care much about sport. They often seem to get benefit from doing rituals together. I get almost nothing from performing rituals. They don't seem to mind dishonesty as much as I do.

A lot of these things about myself I notice outside of person-to-person interactions. I can't just pick up a book and start drinking it in. I can't just watch a movie and understand the plot unless there are very few characters and it goes at my pace.

None of this makes other people's ways of communicating worse (or better) than mine. It's just the way it is. They're not particularly interested in me either. We just have different preferences. I don't think I'm usually any more arrogant than they are.

The difference between the behaviors manifests in default cognitive tunnelling combined with not keeping up with social rules and cues -- from perceived and expressed superiority of self and inferiority of others.

If one removes said cognitive tunnelling and social issues out of the way, would they still have the same superior self and inferior other?

And does the lack of superior self and inferior other very reliant on said cognitive tunnelling and social related issues that just looked like arrogance?


Is someone bombarded by the senses, thoughts and feelings -- usually ended up freezing because of too many processes or had those things into a stream of an expression (infodump), especially one that has issue just as related to gear shifting from said initial senses, thoughts and feelings unto a completely different realm that is the outside of said thoughts, feelings and even senses by itself -- an arrogant person?


It's the same vein as uneven developmental emotional profile, mistaken for personality disorders like narcissism, really.

Or how about alexithymia traits made autism became associated with psychopathy along with the lack of empathy crap and incapable of feeling emotions?

Or basically anything executive dysfunction, really -- be it mental illness or neurodivergence or basically "not expected" or "not by minimum standard" mistaken for some aligned agenda personality flaw than something else?

Or how about physical symptoms mistaken for psychiatric illness because behavioral?


I could go on and on and on about it -- the internal processes and intent vs the perceived external because the behaviors out of it 'doesn't socially vibe'.



Personally, it's just another aspect of executive functioning to me.

And nothing to do with whatever social dynamics because I don't even have a social interest to play superiority and inferiority complexes.

To transition between internal indulgences and whatever focus I prefer to not be disrupted over -- towards external interest and social attention.

To anyone else, they don't care. They don't care if it's executive dysfunction or because you're not fast enough.
They just feel neglected, ignored, unheard, awkward or whatever.

Do I perceive myself superior because of my supposedly "priority" is not them first?
No. Because I do not see the point of comparisons. Transition is transition.

But do I perceive them inferior to be ever be a priority to me?
No. I don't even care who's superior or inferior, but that's their perception.

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I am not interested in hearing people telling me things about themselves that I don't think would be relevant for me to tell them about myself. That's not arrogance, but an disinterest in pointless information. When somebody tells me a story about how they spent their weekend I prefer that they keep Checkov's gun at least somewhat in mind: "if a writer features a gun in a story, there must be a reason for it, such as it being fired some time later in the plot. All elements must eventually come into play at some point in the story."

Our neurology provide a stronger interior life. This often results in conversational enthusiasm for topics that interest us.

A more intense focus by definition excludes others. However, this focus can be turned to others as well.

Part of Aspergers skill development is to manage the narrowness, intensity, and direction of focus.

To work on my impression, I've been reading Emily Post's Etiquette, The Centennial Edition by Daniel Post Senning and Lizzie Post.

By the way, Emily Post is a lady who made a career out of good manners. She carved out humorous caricatures of the "Types of Talkers" that we all encounter - really funny. I think I'm like Mr. Noah Tall and Mrs. Mia Centrique.