How respond to implied "lower rank" in casual chats?

Post Reply New Topic

I randomly see an acquaintance from the library on the street.

I make a joke about "breaking the 4th wall" etc.
Then i was thinking about something I wanted to ask, and she says

"you can go now".

This suggests a "authority-disciple" structure, and while I am willing to brush this
off as a joke, this has happened with another woman who said
"you are dismissed".

i just find this kind of weird, and wonder if and how I should counter this.

I'd assume that they do not want to chat or be friends with you for whatever reason. I would just say By & leave & in the future not initiate chit-chat/random conversation with them. Trying to respond to those statements could upset them & it's not worth having an argument.

I've noticed patronising behaviour from casual acquaintances, but never as blatantly as those examples. I'm tempted to think they were joking, and I guess if it happened to me then I'd have laughed, and if that upset them, I'd know I'd been dealing with an elitist pig.

I once tried a similar kind of humour myself, at work. I can't remember the exact context, but I put on a snooty accent and said "well, I am senior technician." To my surprise and dismay, they took it seriously and called me out for thinking myself above them. I still don't know why they didn't see the joke.

I did get away with telling a lawn-mowing man in the USA, "Get on with your work," but he was very into taking the mickey out of British snobbery, and continued the joke by saying something very subservient. I remember feeling I was taking a bit of a risk when I made that remark to him.

My general advice for dealing with patronising behaviour is to subvert, ridicule and undermine it, as long as you don't particularly need that person's co-operation, and even if you do, it might be worth the risk.

There was a guy at work who lampooned the manager's patronising words with an impression of Igor from the Frankenstein movies and the remark "yes, master." I laughed out loud, couldn't help it. He was in a high enough position to get away with it. Technically I wasn't, but AFAIK I got away with it too. I was a valued worker, though the manager never admitted it to me. She was unusual - often condescending to your face but if she approved of you she would speak highly of you behind your back. It took me a while to find that out. My respect for her went up when I did.

1:09

1:09

They may have been trying to use a line that they saw on TV that they thought was amusing as a way of indicating they wished to end the conversation. They may not have understood how it could be taken especially if someone had not seen the same TV show.

"hey"?

Dismiss, mirror them all the same.
But never explain, never say any more.

Cut any prospecting thoughts (unless it's urgent or that you know what you're doing) because having those means you still need them and they still have the last say.

Have the last say.



Me?
Actually, I'm more of a perpetrator of such interaction than the target.

I do not recommend battling with an ego on this one unless at least half of the entire room is on your side.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Ok I spoke to the person again, and it was meant literally, no status.
She thought I was going somewhere and she was keeping me there.