Hello everyone! I found this website a few weeks ago, and it took me a while to figure out that I really wanted to post something and be part of this community.
I'm a self-diagnosed (ASD and ADHD) 35-year-old guy. Five weeks ago, I was blown away by the results of a bunch of tests. I must say that while I was taking them, sometimes I was crying and sometimes I was laughing out loud. I think that those 3 or 4 tests are the closest I got to "someone understands me".
I've lived my whole life as an "outsider". I always felt I was different from most people, and this became pretty clear when I was 13 or 14. At that age, I developed a strong passion for science and religion, and because nobody my age was into those things, I started to isolate myself. Then I realized I was never going to be able to "mix with other people," and I decided that I needed to be independent as soon as possible. I started to study and work as a web designer at around 14, while getting horrible grades at school.
I wanted to get enough money to "stay alone, far from society," and fortunately/unfortunately, I was able to do precisely that when I turned 26. I moved to a tropical country and started my own homestead, plus a bunch of side projects.
I am lucky enough to be set financially and to be doing what I wanted to do, although everything else in my life apart from those two things is a complete disaster. During the past 3 or 4 years, I've lost all my friends (abusive relationships which were really bad for my mental health), I have a bad relationship with my family (also abusive), and my marriage is in shambles. We live far from society, and it's almost impossible to meet new people (also, I don't want to and I'm not able to!).
So, I find myself in a weird spot. I always felt that some hard things were easy, and some easy things were hard. Now that I know that I'm autistic (waiting for the official diagnosis), I am finally understanding why I do some of the things that I do. Wetting the bed until I was 7 or 8 wasn't just something peculiar and funny. Being laser-focused on my own things is not just a superpower, but also a way to protect and isolate myself. Also, I'm trying to recognize and accept the fact that most people don't actually "think in tree diagrams" like I do (for better or for worse).
Also, I love non-human animals, and I have a bunch of them with me all the time. My wife always jokes with me by saying, "Without animals, you would be dead!" and that is precisely how I feel and how I always felt.
I don't want to overshare (actually, I do want to!), but I have to mention some of the most important things in my life:
- Effective Altruism
- Secular Humanism
- Lesswrong.com
- I don't believe in free will
- This quote by Galileo: "Names and attributes must be adapted to the essence of things, not the essence to the names; things came first, then came names."
Enough for now, I think.
Bye!
Yesterday, 7:58 pm
