Why am I accused of arguing all the time?

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I say something. Someone argues with me about it. I respond. The person says I am arguing.

It might (hypothetically) stem from how you communicate, not that I'm making an accusation given that I'm not familiar with how you communicate.

I also get accused of arguing or trying to argue in situations where I don't really feel that's true. I also notice people respond as though they're seeking to argue in situations where I wasn't really intending on getting drawn into a debate, but if I accuse them of seeking to argue it's possible that I'm just doing the same thing.

Laying one's thoughts and the reasoning behind them out in a clear manner is often grounds for being accused of trying argue and it's not entirely unfair given that's how one constructs a reasonable argument.

If both parties in a discussion are communicating their perspectives in that manner it might appear their discussion is an argument or a debate. Ultimately the boundary between an argument/debate and a discussion isn't discrete. Beyond that, sometimes if someone's making an argument poorly and your response eviscerates their poor argument, accusing you of trying to argue can serve to put you on the back foot because now you're worried about being rude instead of being correct and now you're less likely to address their humbug (aka BS).

No you're not.

Usually people mean that the conversation feels hostile, like there's a confrontation. They may have just wanted to say their piece and move on, but then you responded in detail. They may just need more reassurance, a quieter and more gentle tone, etc. Think about how you're try to speak to a young child - hopefully gently and without blame or condescension.

Even if they are doing the opposite of that, matching them will likely mean they feel more stressed and defensive. After all, they already felt as they do before you matched them. Giving them more to deal with by imitating them will mean the situation becomes even harder for them. Pointing out the hypocrisy or telling them they're also arguing won't give them new deescalation and emotional self regulation skills.

I've gotten this before myself. " Stop being difficult" " Stop arguing"

What kind of things do you typically say?

Part of this stems from an Autistic's lack of interest in consensus; a thing is either true or it is not, and popularity has nothing to do with it.

For herd humans though, remaining popular is a constant concern, and they'll modify their argument in order to not upset their protagnists.

To best way to deal with this is to learn when to back off; if others chose to believe something which is patently untrue, it's their problem, not yours!

I used to blame myself a lot for this, but now I'm seeing that some people take our self-doubt, willing to take responsibility, and efforts at adapting as a tool for manipulation. Basically, you could could be argumentative, they could be argumentative, they could be gaslighting you, or some mix. It would be helpful if you keep a little log of the conversations and report back with them. Let's use our collective analytical power to figure this out.

You being argumentative
- NTs believe in creating truth together. To them, if everyone believes something, it is true. To us, what is true is true whether anyone believes it or not. They also associate irrelevant things together to make "true" implications. For example, if someone likes Jack, and Jack has a pick-up truck, they have to think that Jack has a nice pick-up truck. Even if the the pick-up doesn't start at all, "once he gets that truck going, it's going be great." If you are focused on reality and not the social truth, they may feel uncomfortable with your presence and and attribute it to you being argumentative.
- Another thing that NTs do is maintain hierarchies. The hierarchies are based on who defines what is true. If someone says something wrong and everyone agrees, they are higher ranked. If someone says something true but everyone disagrees, they are lower rank. When you correct an NT that isn't saying something to be truthful but to make a social declaration and you correct them, you are lowering their rank. They can't say that because it would be accepting that they were wrong and you lowered their rank, but they can blame you and make you the problem thereby lowering your rank below theirs. It's a power struggle.

Them being argumentative
- They want to be higher ranked, so they have to win. Winning demonstrates control over others, which means they are higher. How they experience this is not necessarily nefarious. Mostly everyone likes to feel valuable. One of the ways they do this is by making contributions to the group. However, if what they contribute if often shown to be useless or even hurtful, then they feel less valuable. This is a hurtful experience, so they may feel offended or as if they need to address it.
- Also, after a few times of being proven wrong, the validity of their word is reduced. in the future, they may have to provide substantial evidence to demonstrate the validity of their sources, and that can be tiring. It may also cause others to believe that said person's previous statements were incorrect or even lies, thus actually making them seem less valuable to the group, which can result in being removed. Because humans in general were terrible at surviving alone before civilization, we evolved to feel a strong need to belong. In fact, I've heard that social isolation is the most painful psychological experiences. It's emotional pain. So by pointing out their errors, they may instinctively feel a deep urge to counter-argue in order to survive. They wouldn't know to express it like that, but it's a possible causal process.

Gaslighting
- They have you around to have someone to look down on so they are higher ranked. By controlling how you accept reality and blaming you for the interpersonal problems, you have to change yourself, which means they are in control. It also puts you in a situation where they are holding the relationship hostage until you comply. Either accept that they decide reality or be lonely and perhaps suffer a smear campaign so that others cut you off or bully you.
- If you think this is the case, DO NOT SAY THAT TO THEM. This can have terrible consequences. Gaslighters know they are gaslighters and they know it is considered malicious behavior, so calling them out is like challenging them to a fight. Instead, learn to "grey rock" (YouTube it) and slowly cut them away. Maintain your truth in your head or in private notes. Talk to supportive and validating people.

A mix
- I've noticed that most things are a mix. There is very little that is definite and pure. It would be best to figure out what is going on before making any rash conclusions and resulting behaviors. However, as I've learned the hard way, if you are feeling uncomfortable, that is a major sign that you need to take into account. Treat emotions as information. Something is feeling off. It doesn't mean it is off, but it's still a data point that needs to be included in the analysis. In the past, I have discounted it at my severe detriment.

Regardless, if you keep a log and report back, maybe we could develop some helpful clarification.