Why do people use your name when speaking directly to you?

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Lately, I've noticed that people will use my name out loud when speaking directly to me and there is no one else around. In these instances, can't confuse that they are speaking with someone else, so why do they do that? What's the point of saying my name when there is not practical need?

I don't know but it used to make me feel uncomfortable.

When I did tech support one of our quality identifiers was using the customer's name three times within the interaction. I typically failed at this because I found it unsettling, but it also made me rethink if it was normal and I'm the weird one. I'm the weird one is always a valid potential solution to those issues for me.

It's not a practical thing at all, it's an emotional thing. According to Dale Carnegie, the individual loves to hear their name spoken. I guess it feeds the ego in some mysterious way. So they're doing it to be nice to you and to make you feel warm towards them.

OTOH, I've known it used in unfriendly communication too, when it seems to add to the sting of the reproach. Parents used to do that when reprimanding a child, and judges use it when they pass sentence, though they might also use it when you've been found not guilty and they're telling you that you can go. Just saying somebody's name alone in a certain aggressive tone of voice is also quite a powerful way of telling them they're crossing a line and had better knock it off, though it's not very informative about what the objection is. I suppose it's all done to make sure the recipient is in no doubt about who is being spoken to, so they can't say they weren't told or warned.

Personally, I don't say people's names to them very much at all, mostly because I can't easily remember their names, though I accept Carnegie's idea that they like hearing their names. But when I do happen to remember, sometimes I do when I first meet them or when I'm saying goodbye. Not with people I'm close to though. I kind of expect them to be above such things and just realise that if I didn't like them, I wouldn't be close to them.

Oh I do this a lot (I'm really sorry that it worries you btw)

I think for me it comes from working in sales (telesales in particular) and it keeps a person's attention

^
Wouldn't work on me, I'd just think "that's cunning, saying my name to feign friendship to make me want to buy their stuff whether I need it or not." But not everybody is like me, in fact there's a gullible fool born every minute.

But that's in a sales/marketing situation. If it was a proper social encounter, I might like it if it seemed to be done naturally.

When someone introduces themselves at the start of a conversation I consider myself doing well if I can remember it (and remember to use it) at the end.
Anyone using my name in the middle of a one on one conversation feels like a manipulation and probably has the reverse of the intended effect.

Yeah I'm the same, sales techniques don't work on me either but they do work on some people

I do do it in normal conversation as well

It is manipulative but manipulation isn't always a bad thing imo

Well, if you know the tricks, you're not so likely to fall for them. Same here, though I learned about them through a different channel - a few lessons in school and some leftie books about propaganda. And parents who for some reason were already die-hard skeptics about politicians, preachers, and other salesmen.


I think that's fine as long as it's not done to manipulate.

WOW! I thought I was the only one that felt this way! I was even shocked when I read that someone, that MAY have been dale carnegie claimed that their name was the most loved thing! My name is fine, and I like it, BUT, like you, I think it is too much to use it like every time, and I generally don't do that to others unless they INSIST! Some DO insist! 8/

^
This has a bit about how over-using names can get annoying:

https://www.selfstairway.com/socializing/

Imagine meeting someone who talks like this:
“Nice to meet you, Jason! How do you know these people, Jason? Really? Hah, that’s awesome, Jason.”
Come on. It sounds like a rookie outbound marketer who is trying to make sales and his boss told him that using the prospect’s name helps. Then of course the marketer goes crazy with it and immediately gets the call dropped.

I've got mixed feelings about the article as a whole. While it seems to contain some useful wisdom, and I would think it might be some help to people with ASD who want to learn a few social graces that they feel they don't yet have, I'd hate to think that friendships are just a matter of mechanically using "social skills," which are ultimately superficial. I like to think that there are deeper things going on that are much more important, and that if a person feels true respect and liking for others, then it will shine through without much need of help from social techniques.

And yes, it was Carnegie who said "Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language."

But let's not forget that Carnegie was first and foremost a salesman, and that salesmen are.....well, let's just say there are challenges to being an honest salesperson in a competitive market. Personally I think he took his knowledge of how to manipulate people and applied it to friendship and to selling books.

I've never known anybody complain about my not calling them by name, or to insist that I start doing so. But I've spent most of my life in the UK, and you know what they say about British reserve. An American told me once that what scared him most about the English was that they're so polite that he felt he could really hurt their feelings and never know he'd done it.

Well I still can't see what's wrong with it

Nothing as long as it's natural and not overdone.

Right on man

I'd rather that people use my name than misgender me.

Some people use the spoken name to put someone else in their place, like a power play. Some try to help themselves remember a name.

The Family Guy Star Wars episode had C3PO accuse the main character of not knowing his name. The main character than proceeded to inject the name C3PO several times in his conversation. If someone gets annoying with it, it may help to recall that episode.