Autistic Looping+ ADHD +ANXIETY

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I am not sure how to pigeonhole the subject. I have severe anxiety about academic writing. The problem has worsened over the years. A clinician suggested that it might be monotropism or autistic inertia. He said that it was clear that I had high linguistic proficiency and was very articulate (I was having a good day in that respect). Professionals in the university, don't really understand, claim that that my difficulties are those anyone would have when writing. One said that if had to give up my course (for non completion of work) I could at least say that I had made progress (what progress?) and I had tried. I am very depressed. It would be great if anyone could suggest how I can get out of my difficulties (I have tried taking breaks, chunking, mindfulness-all the customary tips.)

PS I should add I have ADHD also and so I alternate between hyperfocus on a word/paragraph writing and wanting to concentrate on what comes next in the same piece of writing.

If only I can describe the concept of taking on any forms of uncertainty (that commonly leads to anxiety, confusion and eventual overwhelm and hopelessness). I don't know how to teach people how to take in uncertainty; it can be faith and acceptance, it can be recklessness, it can be your classic re-establishment of certainty.
It's more than just grounding involved I'm sure.

Monotropism is just as tricky. Yes, it does involved a type of mindfulness. But it's like describing a mental version of voluntarily straining your eyes from blurry to clear and back.
Closest visual example I can give you is gaming metaphor; broad external focus (scanning the map and surroundings) is how to 'zoom out' and narrow external focus (tracking and aiming at enemies) is how to 'zoom in'. But instead of on screen and only with visuals, do it in real life and in related to internal processing.
Usually autistics instinctively zoom in and lock on in real life, but getting out of it is hard, sometimes painful, and consequently having a harder time shifting gears.

And inertia... Is a form of not handling shifting gears really well. Thus the dislike for surprises, broken routines, losing source of certainty, not zooming out to ease transition of change...
Even small pauses can count, though the common discussion are bigger and more obvious forms of pauses or change.
The common counter was more predictability and certainty, and therefore having heads up ahead, routines and schedules or warnings...
I end up saying figure ways for your mind to unstuck itself, move on preferably not with reckless abandon, and be internally more flexible.


All of that while juggling depression... Actually, I don't know how to actually handle depression.
Mine was mostly hormonal or biophysical, completely circumstantial and chemical than situational or existential. Solve or even at least manage both, suddenly I started having future oriented thoughts and fuller but more stable emotions without psychiatric medications.
Unfortunately, the current medical system seem to not be so keen on ruling out hormonal imbalance, nutritional deficiencies, and untreated chronic illnesses that can either mimic or give depression or mental illness overall, and just suggest to go to a neuropsych than investigate and rule out that it's not psychiatric.


Yes, those things can become quite a cycle.
While I can more or less personally relate to not having a lot of confidence in writing for something formal... But that's because language processing is actually my weakness (that doesn't actually improve even with practice).


And ADHD? (Saw you edited after I replied)
I got nothing on that one. I don't have ADHD. Can't simply just suggest you to take your meds, get therapy, have programs or try supplements, etc.
Only minimize other factors of difficulty that made executive dysfunction worse. How? I don't know.

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You might find writing to be similar to public speaking in that the intended audience can make a difference. For example, one might slowly get comfortable speaking in front of a group and then larger groups. One might even have mastered pubic speaking to large groups, and then in comes a TV crew and the anxiety returns.

If some of the difficulty in academic writing comes from the risk one is taking and the anxiety that can arise in trying to get it "just right", you might try writing with different audience in mind. For example, if you write with the idea of explaining to a friend what you are trying to say and assuming that he is somewhat unfamiliar with the subject, you might have an easier time. Then when you reread it, you might find that you wrote something well.

Academics can be as vicious and mean spirited as anyone else. Fear of leaving room to be attacked can be paralyzing. If you write as you would to a friend, you might be able to side step some of the anxiety.