How did you find a good therapist?

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I'm struggling to find a good online therapist. Also I'm not sure what's the definition of "good" and maybe I was unlucky in my previous experiences. As of today, these things triggered me to fire the two previous therapists:

- looking at the phone while I'm talking, if only for 2 seconds
- saying something along the lines of "philosophy is not important for my job"
- focusing on "searching deeper" in a Jungian way as opposed to actually trying to understand what I was talking about
- not taking notes
- not having a plan for what we were going to do and how, just wanting to talk and talk and talk (and getting paid)

I should say that I worked with both therapists before I knew about ASD, and in fact they were not taking me seriously when I was telling them all the things that now make perfect sense. They didn't even think about that possibility. That surely shows how hard they were trying.

Any suggestions??

Could this help?

I found that I had to just try a few out. Many Therapists offer a free 20-30 min session to see if things work before going further.

Maybe, if you have a friend that is attending therapy you could ask him/her who they visit. You could ask your friend to ask their mental health professional for a referral to another counselor/therapist ect.

I was referred to my current counselor by a family member who had a good experience with their services.

One last point, if you are looking for a male therapist it may take longer since mental health is a female dominated industry. So that's just something to keep in mind when looking.

Best of luck with your search

Cheers,

CFL

Hey.

I've been seeing my current therapist pretty continuously for over 12 years or so. (To be fair, I stopped seeing her for perhaps 6 months because I couldn't afford it at the time.) I am aware that for a therapeutic relationship of this kind to go on for this long is a little rare. (And yes, it has always been very professional.)

After having been around the block a few times with different therapists, I think what it comes down to is the 'chemistry' between the two of you. Can you trust your therapist enough to be vulnerable? (they have to show they deserve this trust, imo). Do you think she/he understands where you're coming from? Do you think they may have the skills to help you? And these answers may depend on the individual client.

Yes, I think it is harder for autists to find a therapist they can 'gel' with, but don't give up looking if you see glimmers of light. My therapist has been a source of clarity and sometimes healing for me. One downside: I do wish she wasn't as expensive, but 1) my government sponsors me and 2) she IS very experienced and skilled. Also, a few of the sessions can be downright illuminating, but some can be a bit more mundane. I think that's OK - that's probably as good as it gets.

So overall, one happy customer here.

Good luck.

P.S. my counsellor was recommended by my GP (doctor).

In my experience, finding a good therapist is just getting lucky that you found someone with integrity and effectiveness. Here's an actual published study on poor therapy: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10 ... 3#abstract

To me, the system is just too messed up to trust a therapist. There is no one holding them accountable in a relationship that has highly unbalanced power dynamics. With a few little comments in therapy, they can manipulate their clients into abdicating their own perceptions and decision-making capacity to the therapist. For example, they can simply say something like, "You seem happier lately, but I don't want you to develop a false sense of security. We need to work on [whatever] so that you don't fall into that trap again. Also, considering your history with hurtful people, do you think that [actually supportive person] is good for you right now?" Or they can straight up manipulate an assessment to straight up misdiagnose you. If a client were to start complaining, they would get attacked as a psychologically unwell and possible malicious person. The laws that protect client confidentiality also protect therapist ineffectiveness since no one can track it in any meaningful way. And, they get paid for their time, not the outcome. So, the incentives and system are perfect for abuse, making it an attractive profession for people that get their needs met by hurting others.

Being autistic, we're at an even greater disadvantage. I've had some very poor experiences that have severely damaged my life due to attending therapy. I've also personally known several therapists that I thought were al around just pathetically terrible people. I will never see another therapist ever again. I loosely estimate that therapists have much higher prevalence of narcissists, psychopaths, and general abusive characters than many other professions because they are in a place where they get to speak for and control a vulnerable population. They can also use their psychological training to prevent getting caught by hiding their abusive behaviors, gaslighting their victims, and making their victims seem like the abusers. But don't take my word for it. Check this sight out: https://therapyabuse.org/topics.htm

In my opinion, the best way to find a good therapist is by word of mouth of someone you trust that was their client. Even with that, be cautious, know exactly what outcomes you want, and leave if you are not having your needs met or have any reason to mistrust them. Find an supportive online forum...maybe you can make a second throwaway account on here...and stay anonymous. Post your experience with your sessions every week and have others review it. Be honest. Let others that are not emotionally involved or personally vested analyze the experiences for anything that might be off.