People either want sex or romance from me but never both

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Has anyone else here that has attempted dating noticed this phenomenon?

I am an autistic white cisgender(?) pansexual male who is sexually attracted to basically any gender and gender presentation but is romantically interested only in women. I have very little experience dating, slightly more when it comes to trying to find a date, and I have had women admit their feelings to me, though they have been few.

But a possible pattern has emerged, one that seems likely and is not unheard of amongst marginalized groups, specifically Black women in the US. I remember reading this Audre Lorde poem about how Black women can be perceived as romantically or sexually attractive but never both at once. I'm not sure why that is from a historical or socio-political standpoint, but I recalled the poem once I detected this pattern in my own experience, and it has me wondering whether this is not something that other marginalized groups experience (as well as why the phenomenon exists).

I have only recently detected this pattern, and I don't know what or how to think about it right now. However, there are some thoughts floating in my head, some loose dangling threads I may be able to connect to something or other, such as infantilization of autistic and other disabled people and how patriarchy effects the experiences, female or male, feminine or masculine, queer or straight/cis, within the dating and sex spheres of social experience.

I'd appreciate any and everyone's thoughts and anecdotes concerning this topic. Thank you!