Changing own personality traits
Is having a thin skin and worrying about everything inscribed in personality? Can I become from person with sensitive character someone who is tough as boots, self-confident and treating problems as something to solve instead of taking them personally and be hang about them? If answer is yes, what's the simplest and most effective way to do that?
Very few characteristics are "inscribed" or otherwise set in stone.
Can you become the person you've described? Tough, confident, etc... In theory, sure. Very few people are born confident, and many great performers come from a place of insecurity. Can it be developed after-the-fact? Yeah.
The answer is yes, but...
If there was a simple and guaranteed way to go about it, more people would be doing it. It takes a fair bit of time, and a lot of unpleasant work.
Could you perhaps give an example of a time where you were unhappy with how you responded to something, and how you wish you'd responded instead?
Yes, I've become confident in solving problems by doing exactly that. Solving problems.
I can do this on the phone or in person because I've done it over and over again.
There is the expression "practice makes perfect."
Carly Rae Jepsen spent well over a decade becoming a singer/writer. A lot of her early work can be found on YouTube.
When she started there were cruel jokes about how young she looked.
If you watch "worst opening pitches" in MLB you can see her errant throw!
Speaking realistically, people are in a state of change and don't have stable traits. That means whatever you're attributing to yourself isn't intrinsic to you, but it also means you will never fully achieve your 'ideal self.'
People generally have very little control over 'who they are' in the moment. That's largely set up in advance by past choices, biology, life experience, and so on. Most of human behavior is automatic like this, even when people think it's not. This means you can set yourself up to respond differently than you do now, but first you have to accept whatever you're currently experiencing.
You also will likely never fully escape past conditioning in the same way you will always have to deal with having a human body. You can add in new conditioning and sometimes end up in what feels like a very different way of living. It rarely goes exactly as expected or hoped for. Still, worrying less and becoming less emotionally reactive are experiences many people have.
A lot of this follows from developing self awareness. When you know what you are doing and thinking, you can intercept negative thought patterns and intentionally add in a more positive thought or response. You may have to do this very frequently, perhaps every few seconds in some cases. Eventually the positive response becomes more internalized and becomes one of your earlier responses, sometimes even your first response. This feels like becoming more at peace. Expect it to take 5-10 years once you have a functional method in place that you're seeing yield results to some extent, which you should be able to see in a months time frame if it's working.
Edit: If you want to know the method I use I can tell you. It's just one method. If this post sounds like BS to you then I will let you learn from other people's methods, otherwise tell me if you want to learn more.
Last edited by Latimeria on 17 Mar 2025, 7:35 pm, edited 4 times in total.
People are affected by how you dress, which is a problem for many Aspies because they have sensory issues.
It is something you may be able to work on.
What the don't tell you in the what to wear clothing shows in television is that they spend a lot of money on alterations.
There may be a cheap tailor who can do that for you. Perhaps a lady at a laundry can do alterations affordably.
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