What are some neurotypical things that don't make sense?
lostonearth35
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Peer pressure. I could never understand why other kids would do things that were dangerous or just plain dumb just to fit in with others. Some adults have said that my being resistant to doing stupid things just because "everyone does it" is because I was smart, but I think mainly it was because of my being on the spectrum. Also I was not really curious about such things. I think the reason most kids start smoking or doing drugs is because they're curious about it. I've heard curiosity is a sign of high intelligence, but intelligence and wisdom are two different things.
It seems like some adults would say how I was bright and intelligent while others thought I was the opposite and very immature. It was confusing.
Saying bye for 5+ mins, but a lot of times around 15 mins...what the hell is that?! I would be at a family event with someone from that family, and they would pull this move while I stood there with maybe enough juice to mask interest in this test of mental endurance and resiliency. I have maybe 5 mins tops if I'm prepared and starting at full.
NT's saying bye with autism translation below
NT 1: I have such a long day tomorrow.
ASD translation: Tell me to leave.
NT 2: Oh, maybe you should get going.
ASD: Leave then.
NT 1: Maybe I should, but I'm having such a great time. I really like the...
ASD: Ok, but I want you to pretend that didn't just happen because I already passively insulted you several times throughout the night on purpose and miscalculated how much everyone here would tolerate before it affected their opinion of me. These next 15 mins of me flattering you and our relationship are to recharge my face reserves. (Face is their reserve of social forgiveness points. When they are "saving face," they are not consuming social forgiveness points.)
...15 mins later...
NT 1: Well, it was soooo nice to see you again. We should meet up sometime this week. Text me, okay?
ASD: I like not seeing you often. It's on you to contact me cause I wont contact you.
NT 2: I knowwwww. Thank you soooooo much for coming over. The pie was delicious. Ok, I will. You know what, I have a long day tomorrow because of the kids and work, but I'll get with you later in the week.
ASD: I agree. In fact, I'm not even going to text you until whatever sparked the need to see you again comes back up.
Auties saying bye with NT misunderstanding below
Au1: I'm leaving.
NT: I am so mad at you that I cannot be in your presence. Don't even try to stop me.
Au2: Ok, bye.
NT: f**k you, then.
Au1: Bye.
NT: f**k you, too.
^
Yes I still tend to get tripped up by people who say they're going to leave and then they're still hanging about for quite some time. I should know by now that "I'd better be off now" means "Early warning, I'll be on my way some time in the next hour." I think it's better when the host or the visitor has something they need to do - a train to catch, expecting a phone call, etc. - and then that can be announced at the start so everybody knows where they stand. But people often act as if such deadlines are made of rubber. So I wish they'd be more robotic about it.
But I get that being bluntly told to leave is hurtful. I don't like being pushed away either. I have to take note when I'm starting to wear out my welcome, and get out of the way before they have to get too blunt about it. So I try to put myself in their shoes and anticipate when I need to get out of their hair, because many people are too polite to just say. It's all very indirect and confusing but I don't do too bad these days. I tend to err on the side of assuming they're pretty busy. But it's still tricky because some people aren't busy and can feel abandoned if you go soon.
nick007
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NT's saying bye with autism translation below
NT 1: I have such a long day tomorrow.
ASD translation: Tell me to leave.
NT 2: Oh, maybe you should get going.
ASD: Leave then.
NT 1: Maybe I should, but I'm having such a great time. I really like the...
ASD: Ok, but I want you to pretend that didn't just happen because I already passively insulted you several times throughout the night on purpose and miscalculated how much everyone here would tolerate before it affected their opinion of me. These next 15 mins of me flattering you and our relationship are to recharge my face reserves. (Face is their reserve of social forgiveness points. When they are "saving face," they are not consuming social forgiveness points.)
...15 mins later...
NT 1: Well, it was soooo nice to see you again. We should meet up sometime this week. Text me, okay?
ASD: I like not seeing you often. It's on you to contact me cause I wont contact you.
NT 2: I knowwwww. Thank you soooooo much for coming over. The pie was delicious. Ok, I will. You know what, I have a long day tomorrow because of the kids and work, but I'll get with you later in the week.
ASD: I agree. In fact, I'm not even going to text you until whatever sparked the need to see you again comes back up.
Auties saying bye with NT misunderstanding below
Au1: I'm leaving.
NT: I am so mad at you that I cannot be in your presence. Don't even try to stop me.
Au2: Ok, bye.
NT: f**k you, then.
Au1: Bye.
NT: f**k you, too.
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CockneyRebel
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Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love
^
I think it depends what they're talking about. If what they want to say might upset the listener then they often approach it indirectly. You can even ask them a straight question and if they don't think you'll like the answer, they'll dilute their answer or maybe just say silent, which they hope you'll take as meaning that the answer isn't nice. People are remarkably sensitive to all kinds of things. There are also a lot of questions that are often considered invasive or threatening. And a lot depends on context, so a remark or question can be appropriate in one situation and out of line in another. A lot of it has to do with pride.
I think it depends what they're talking about. If what they want to say might upset the listener then they often approach it indirectly. You can even ask them a straight question and if they don't think you'll like the answer, they'll dilute their answer or maybe just say silent, which they hope you'll take as meaning that the answer isn't nice. People are remarkably sensitive to all kinds of things. There are also a lot of questions that are often considered invasive or threatening. And a lot depends on context, so a remark or question can be appropriate in one situation and out of line in another. A lot of it has to do with pride.
It’s a strange thing to me that NTs believe that they aren’t allowed to be transparent. To me, truth is everything.
When I was a teenager I worked at a clothing store in a shopping mall to earn money. The shop required the employees to wear the clothing that was sold there. One day I was wearing a dark yellow blouse with white baggy slacks, the style of that decade. A couple walked into the store and I assisted them with their purchases. They bought a lot! At the register one of the men told me that the shirt I was wearing was all wrong for me. The color washed out my skin tone, he said. His partner apologized for his comment but I stopped him and thanked them both for telling me the truth. He was right about the color on me! I was so grateful for his honesty. He wasn’t trying to be mean just truthful. I’m convinced he was a spectrum person too. I’ll always remember them.
^
Yes it can be refreshing when somebody's just straight like that. But it wouldn't have worked on everybody. Did the criticism sting at all or did you just accept it as a logical statement? I suppose a lot depends on the tone of the criticism as well as the wording. If somebody talks to me in a hostile, brash, or dismissive tone, my back goes up and I'm rather less likely to listen. But if their tone seems gentle, warm, playful, or genuinely caring, it can make the world of difference.
Yes it can be refreshing when somebody's just straight like that. But it wouldn't have worked on everybody. Did the criticism sting at all or did you just accept it as a logical statement? I suppose a lot depends on the tone of the criticism as well as the wording. If somebody talks to me in a hostile, brash, or dismissive tone, my back goes up and I'm rather less likely to listen. But if their tone seems gentle, warm, playful, or genuinely caring, it can make the world of difference.
He stated it very ‘matter of factly.’ Since his statement was logical I took no offense.
If he had said it using a tone of insult I may have responded differently but maybe not. My mind thinks logically so if he was making a logical statement even using an insulting tone I may have taken that at face value.
It’s always a surprise when a person is honest and truthful with me. I would rather the truth than a lie. Even if the truth is harsh.
I really, really dislike dishonesty.
^
Yes Aspies are notorious for a singular hatred of dishonesty. I've never fully understood why this is so. It probably adds a lot of difficulty to the already hard task of understanding what's going on with people and predicting what they're going to do, like somebody messing with the brakes of a car you're trying to drive safely. And then there's the emotional sensitivity thing that may make it harder to forgive what's seen as some kind of an attack, because it just hurts more deeply.
I've changed my attitude a bit over the years, so for example if a Christian was dying and asked me if they were going to heaven, I'd probably say yes, though I really don't think they are. There are compassionate lies. I'm also capable of playing things up or down if I think the person concerned might be worse off with the truth, at least at the time, though I'd always hope that they'd later become strong enough for me to fix that. And those who I see as particularly hostile towards me, I feel that they've forfeited the right to the truth. So a benefits adjudicator who was trying to deny me my rights might not get complete honesty from me. There does seem to be a game going on in the world where if an individual is too candid, they'll get taken advantage of. One thing I'd be very loathe to drop is my insistence of honesty between partners. It still surprises and dismays me to see couples who are comfortable with deceiving each other. I'm never comfortable with dishonesty.
CockneyRebel
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Age: 50
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Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love
These are long and boring and don't really achieve anything, yet they keep having them.
I used to bloody hate them as well. Apparently they "foster a sense of team cohesion and personal connection, allowing people to build relationships, engage in non-verbal communication, and create rapport." That's not going to work on somebody with my brain wiring. They always used to go too fast for me, mostly they talked about things I didn't care jack s**t about, and the management used them as an excuse to reinforce their control over us and to suddenly saddle us with extra responsibilities. And the minutes were always done by a management sock puppet who slanted everything their way. People were so tense afterwards that some of them would whoop and screech as they left the building. Give me email any time.
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