ToughDiamond wrote:
^
Yes Aspies are notorious for a singular hatred of dishonesty. I've never fully understood why this is so. It probably adds a lot of difficulty to the already hard task of understanding what's going on with people and predicting what they're going to do, like somebody messing with the brakes of a car you're trying to drive safely. And then there's the emotional sensitivity thing that may make it harder to forgive what's seen as some kind of an attack, because it just hurts more deeply.
I've changed my attitude a bit over the years, so for example if a Christian was dying and asked me if they were going to heaven, I'd probably say yes, though I really don't think they are. There are compassionate lies. I'm also capable of playing things up or down if I think the person concerned might be worse off with the truth, at least at the time, though I'd always hope that they'd later become strong enough for me to fix that. And those who I see as particularly hostile towards me, I feel that they've forfeited the right to the truth. So a benefits adjudicator who was trying to deny me my rights might not get complete honesty from me. There does seem to be a game going on in the world where if an individual is too candid, they'll get taken advantage of. One thing I'd be very loathe to drop is my insistence of honesty between partners. It still surprises and dismays me to see couples who are comfortable with deceiving each other. I'm never comfortable with dishonesty.
I kind of have mixed opinions on lying. I'm very used to others lying to me as a kid & teen & people in society lying in general. But on the other hand I'm also used to others like my mom giving me lots of honest negative criticism & critiquing me hoping I'd improve various behaviors but the behaviors were not problematic or were not things I had much control over. Plus some of the comments made me feel very misunderstood, unwanted, & unloved, & triggered me into having very bad meltdowns & verbal fights trying to explain myself & verbal lashing out in an attempt to give the emotional hurt back. I've also been in various situations where me being honest has caused arguments & others having hurt feelings or gotten me in other trouble that could of been avoided if I had lied a little. I learned to be a good liar sometimes. I'm very used to others not understanding my special needs related to autism & other disabilities & me telling a good lie can make things go a lot easier for me with support. For example while I was on SSI Social Security Administration said I was supposed to be giving my parents a certain amount to cover food, housing, & utilities but I had to spend half my full SSI check on my private health insurance & out of pocket medical costs because no doctors in my area would accept Louisiana Medicaid. I was also paying for the home cable & internet bill which my parents would of had regardless of if I was paying or not & since I knew more about internet & my parents knew I looked at adult stuff they wanted the internet to be under my name but SSA didn't consider that expense to be a utility. I was also paying for my cellphone service on top of that which SSA would consider a utility expense but I was still supposed to be covering a lot more. When I was not working I could not afford to give my parents money to cover my share of those expenses. When I had reviews with the SSA while on SSI they asked if I was giving my parents a certain amount to cover my food, housing, & utilities & I said Yes because answering No would have caused my benefits to be cut. Programs & services that are supposed to help majorly disabled people can sometimes be very restrictive & anal about following their exact requirements & I fall through the cracks with lots of things because I do not have the right diagnoses or I'm not considered severely disabled enough by one specific disability ignoring the combo of all my other disabilities together. Telling the right lies can make the difference between receiving some help or no help at all. I'm also used to others assuming I'm lying when I'm telling the truth which has lead to punishments & other trouble but me telling the right lie to explain things can be easier for others to believe & understand than the truth.
This said I don't believe in lying to screw others over or take advantage of others & I also do not believe in lying to betray romantic partners. However my girlfriend struggles with depression & can be a bit emotionally unstable at times. I hate upsetting her & sometimes if I'm upset by something like changing plans or her making rush decisions concerning me without getting my input first, it's better for me to say I'm fine & that I'm not upset because I know I'll feel better in a while & it's not worth hurting her feelings & both of us feeling like cr@p all day. Sometimes it's better for me to keep certain things to myself.
28 Mar 2025, 2:41 pm
