Do you find NTs ask you obvious questions?

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Yes, I know, usually it's the other way around - they find that WE ask THEM obvious questions!!

But have you ever noticed a pattern where a neurotypical person asks you questions about something and you stop to think "Why is he/she asking me this - isn't it obvious??" I can't think of any examples offhand, but I have encountered this sort of thing in the past... not just for technical type of questions like I've gotten in my working years as a software engineer (yes, right in my element!!) but also in non-technical contexts or subject matters in general. Again, can't think of any specific examples - I just know it's happened.

On reflection, and being much more aware of ASD and its manifestations since getting diagnosed several years ago, I have come to realize that usually, when they do this, I find it's b/c there's some nuanced expectation that they don't want to state directly, b/c of dignity or embarrassment, and/or social protocol forbids asking directly.

So, in racking my brain in thinking "Why are they asking this??" I got into the habit of consciously thinking of what "hidden" meaning or intent could be behind the question. Although sometimes, they really ARE just ignorant!! I gathered enough emotional intelligence through therapy and assistance from trusted friends to look for certain nuanced signs of disappointment after giving my answer, which could either mean that they were hoping to dis-confirm what was an unpleasant truth, or that they were disappointed that I didn't pick up on the nuance and they felt awkward asking more directly. But with our limited repertoire of non-verbal communication fluency, that can still be quite challenging, to say the least.

Another pitfall to watch for is being condescending in your response - I've answered those sort of "obvious" questions with a direct, obvious response, and got accused of being condescending or sarcastic... this is again from trusted friends who were more enlightened and help me refine my communications... so what I'd do as a coping and smoothing approach was to look puzzled for a moment, and answer more tentatively, without any tone of derision - THEN people would respond more favourably and assertively, e.g. "Oh! I'm sorry you thought...what I really meant was..." or they admitted that maybe they're not phrasing the question in the best way.

Thankfully, there have been times when I've caught the nuance and said "Well, I see where you're coming from, and I realize this may not be the most palatable explanation, but..." - correctly intuiting that they just wanted you to assuage their sense of uneasiness. It is a bit namby-pamby, yes, but some folks are like that.

Of course, when you're surrounded by other NTs in a room and you have this sort of exchange with one of them, I'm pretty sure that nearly all other peers will intuitively pick up on the "hidden" intent of the seemingly weird question and snicker behind your back, so to speak, that you're not a normal human.

A lot of people's questions seem obvious to me, but I usually just answer them anyway. I have a habit of thinking that everything I've known for a good while is obvious, and I cease to be able to understand why so many other people haven't realised it yet.

I'm responding to this as a reminder for later. My answer is yes. People ask some questions that make me wonder why they are asking. Like, how do you not know this? How is this not the most obvious thing? I need to calmly review before I go off on an unnecessarily emotional rant though.

1) It is a natural autistic trait to find the error in any situation, which can make you guys suspicious. So just be aware of that.

2) Autistic people are one of the populations who tend to have unusual ideas or thoughts. Sometimes when I am working on something, even if it's not something he knows (or cares) about, I will talk to my husband about it. He will usually have a completely different perspective about it than I will, so it will freshen up the problem and give me a better chance of moving forward. This works for me with anything from a social problem to building bookshelves.

[I am NT and my husband is an aspie]