It's weird that i dont miss people like i'm supposed to

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Examples: I have a friend for yeaaars, and then I go 3 months without getting in touch, text, call, anything and one day I just say hello.

Or I visit my dad and 5 months later I think, "Wow, I should visit him again."

I feel like a bad person because it really takes me a while to miss someone.

I don't think so, I'm like this with most people too.

I think this is normal, especially for autistic people and probably introverted people in general.

My experience is the opposite, it never occurred to me when young not to go visit my parents each weekend, if it wasn't too much of a bind, or every Xmas, if at all possible, but looking back, I've realised that I needn't have bothered; they didn't care if I turned up or not!

Yes, I've wondered about this. I rarely ever miss people. Even people I was close to that have passed away. Not sure when it started, because I have memories of missing people.

Me either.

But deep down it's less because of not wanting to be with them, and more like I have no hole to fill or is because I have an excess instead.


Also occasional but long term case of out of sight out of mind phenomenon.

And that -- knowing that them being alive somewhere is more than enough for me.

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Seems to be a common ASD thing:

https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/comment ... t_of_mind/

I'm a bit like that myself, though I quickly notice some people's unusual absence from my life. I don't know what makes the difference.

I like being alone so much that it doesn't occur to me to miss people.

I think I've learned to not miss people. But also, I just think it's okay for someone to not be around. They do their thing, and I do mine. I don't see the need to be together all the time. And when we catch up, we just start where we ended last time.

I find it interesting that you use the phrase "supposed to" in your post title. I usual pause and reflect when I hear myself saying "supposed to" or "should" because it usually means I am comparing myself to somebody else's standards.

If your current level of contact or "missing people" is working ok for you, then it doesn't matter. If it isn't, then I am sure there are plenty of strategies you could use to remind yourself, for example like putting a reminder in your calendar.

I also have an "out of sight, out of mind" approach to people (full disclosure, I'm not autistic) but I have found ways to stay connected with others. For example I scroll through my whatsapp contacts to check if there is anyone I want to contact who I haven't spoken to in a while. I also have routines to remind me to call people, for example, when I have a really boring chore to do I call my Dad. He keeps me company while I accomplish the task so that it is less boring and he is happy that I called him. A win-win!

Hope you find this message helpful but like I said, don't be too hard on yourself, comparing to "supposed to"s and "shoulds".