Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

8TheSandbox
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 5 Apr 2025
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 1
Location: Texas

05 Apr 2025, 2:28 pm

I care for my 24 year old autistic son. He is not considered high functioning, although he is quite capable of communication and making sound decisions for day to day stuff. We get in well enough, mingle with the community, have regular activities and all that. But sometimes my son will suddenly say the has misery. That he is a bad person. Then he says nevermind. Oh, sure no problem!! ! I firmly stand by his right to make decisions about his life, I won't force him into a group if he tells me he doesn't want that. But is that wrong of me? He would rather be alone most of the time, and I respect that. But I wonder if I'm truly doing right by him? Is the stress just part of his condition? Has anyone else out there dealt with this and come up with a solution?



babybird
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 81,223
Location: UK

06 Apr 2025, 3:05 am

Yeah it's difficult when you're the parent innit

If he's happy in his own company there's absolutely nothing wrong with that imo

Maybe a little encouragement every now and then might not harm just to see how he is with that

I love my own company me. But it is nice to inject myself into the world every now and then


_________________
We have existence


Participant626
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 27 Feb 2025
Gender: Male
Posts: 389
Location: USA

06 Apr 2025, 7:22 am

Forcing him seems like a bad idea to me. Maybe give him easy opportunities that he can take instead.


_________________
"Am I wrong?" - Walter Sobchak


SocOfAutism
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Mar 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,991

07 Apr 2025, 11:38 am

You will just have to explore this further.

I have noticed that autistic people can become depressed when they are in between special interests or when an interest is not working out. This could be something to look into.

Usually an autistic person will have one or two persons they are comfortable being social with in one way or another. But that may look pretty different to a non-autistic person. For example, I am neurotypical and I like to have some of my day alone with pets, some of it with my husband and son, and a few days a week with friends. I will occasionally come to a place like WP to either read or communicate directly with online friends. My aspie husband gets more social time than he would like from work, his mom on the phone once a day, and from me and our son at home. Our son has ADHD and will become depressed if he spends more than an hour or so by himself, even if a cat is with him. He has weird bad thoughts if he goes a few days without seeing other kids. He needs people in a way that my husband and I just don't understand. So each person is different and I think neurological wiring contributes to that.

Also look into his physical environment. If his clothes, food, cleanliness of his environment is not what he is comfortable with, these types of things may make him feel bad.

Good luck. You're being a wonderful and supportive mom for checking this out. :)



timf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Oct 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,168

10 Apr 2025, 4:12 am

You might encourage him to experiment with things that he might otherwise not consider. For example, you might see if he is interested in visiting an amateur radio meeting. It may sound like a strange suggestion, but many people have developed an interest in electronics following this path.

The group "Toastmasters" helps their members feel more comfortable with public speaking.

You also might encourage him to go with you for a weekend trip to an unfamiliar city as a "safari". This could help him become familiar with trip planning and what he might be interested in seeing.

What you described did not sound like a persistent depressive state, but perhaps a lull that allowed some gloom to form in the absence of some task or activity. Sometimes experimenting with things (even outside the box) can result in finding things that can expand one's universe, even something as simple as a physical activity like tennis or swimming.



autisticelders
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,319
Location: Alpena MI

13 Apr 2025, 8:31 am

I was at my most depressed when I lived at home and had so many demands and expectations, arrangements and plans made of me and for my "benefit". I did much better when I was on my own and able to make my own plans and live my life my own way. consider allowing him to be an adult and responsible for his own choices without your interference, guiding, suggestions, coersion, shaming, pushing... the more they pushed me the more I withdrew.


_________________
https://oldladywithautism.blog/

"Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.” Samuel Johnson